I seem to be one who has almost everything going for her...a good family, a good education, an okay job, pleasant friends, a good bf...I've got a good job that pays the bills, buys what I want..even in times like now when ppl are losing their jobs..I have a reasonable degree, a post-grad degree that I'll be graduating from in a couple of months..a family thats always boisterous and fun to have around, friends who love me, a bf who dotes on me...so why do I feel like I want to, I need to get away? Especially, getting away from my life? I'm just restless about it all...unhappy with all that I have..A case of discontentment? Of wanting more perhaps...but certainly not greed. I'm kinda in a limbo now..I don't know what I want. Perhaps it's because I don't really enjoy what I'm doing now. Let's face it...my life is more or less divided into 2 big chunks...work and the others. And when one chunk of it is unsatisfactory, maybe that's the root of my unhappiness.
Maybe that's why when the thought of going overseas, living overseas for awhile seems minutely plausible, I get excited. Yes it is something different. Yes it's something not many will have a chance at (including me). But it's kinda like a chance of a lifetime for me. In a way, it's now or never. I didn't have the chance when I was younger...finances didn't allow me to, plus I don't have the guts to. Not that my mom would be willing too. But now, it all seems possible. There'll b someone with me, to take care of me, to watch out for me...someone to share expenses with even...No doubt there will be sacrifices. Monetary, comfort, family and friends. A risk even, some may say, at my age. I'll have to make arrangements for loans, which will leave me saddle with debts when I come back..at an old age. I may even have to start all over, when I come back...and that's not just me. My bf and I would probably have our savings wiped, and that kinda means our plans will have to be postponed...what does that mean for our plans? and He has more at stake. He has his dad to consider. His dad is looking to take things slower, he's supposed to start learning the ropes. With him goign away for the next two years, wha does that mean for their plans then? And my own family? What I'll be leaving behind?
I just want to be happy...I can't say for sure I'll be happy if I do go away. But I do look forward to a fresh breath of life. Taking a stab at what I had missed previously...and it seems that if I miss this turn, I'll not get another chance like this again. I just want to look for that elusive element in my life...to find it, and put the bounce back into my life...to make me want to live life again. I know I'm not the most rational, most pragmatic soul on earth...I do things on a whim...or I just trivalise the consequences. And regret things. But will I live to regret my gamble this time? Am I being selfish?
