Sunshine And Everything Nice!

Late-night ramblings

2009-11-10T01:14:00.002+08:00

Nursing a mild flu, but can't really sleep. I guess it must hve something to do with the fact that I'm on medical leave tomorrow (therefore don't have to work)...can't bear to go to bed. I was on leave the last couple days...since last weds. Guess I didn't treasure the days off, till it's too late. Having flu is no fun, but I guess this flu did in a way, come at a good time. THen again, MCs are usually treasured stuff.

Was just surfing my FB account, after playing my usual restaurant city. Went to look at some friends' photos and stuff...and suddenly thought of some friends whom I haven't heard, or even seen their updates on FB. Not even a tag of their pics or something. So...on impulse, I sent one of such friends, a short message, asking him how he's doing. I guess the last time I "talked" to him (and it was through sms...blame technology I guess) was...last year? or was it at least 2 years back, when he wished me a happy birthday through sms. I don't remember how I responded, but I guess I must have just said thank you, or something polite. Anyway, the thought of him tonight sort of made me recall how we used to talk or went out on dates. But I guess things didn't work out, and to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings, I had decided to cut the communication, to simply hi-byes.

I don't know...was I too callous? We went out a couple of times...He was a nice guy, really..it seemed as though something was going to happen between us. But I guess he was tooooo nice. Not that I want him to be evil or something. But I guess for me, I just have this issue about guys who are too nice, and will-get-bullied sort. (Ask my current bf...that was one of the main reasons I had rejected him years ago..haha..though he may not remember it >.<) Anyways...this guy, he was so nice, he didn't get mad at me at all, even when he'd figured out I was erm...using him. Using him as a substitute, in a way. I had my heart broken by another guy who had commitment issues (talk about the irony), and this guy was there for me. He went out with me when I was bored, talked to me coz I couldn't sleep, spent money on stuff he usually wouldn't (he was quite a thrifty squirrel). Till the point it dawned on me what I was really doing to my life, and his (I swear I had no intention of "playing" him..I had thought him n me would work out). I could still remember vividly what he had told me, when I tried to explain things to him, and apologise. He told me he knew he was only a substitute, and that it was a matter of time before I would realise, and things between us would change. Gawd...the guilt I had felt was so tremendous...I really had nothing to say. I couldn't even bring myself to say sorry now. Coz it felt like sorry would never be enough. I mean, it was like, the guy gave his heart totally, even though he knew we will never be. How I could be so mean, I can't fathom either. I hope he truly finds someone he deserves.

Yup so... ... just wondering how he's doing now.

Whatever.

2009-11-05T23:17:00.004+08:00

Had another tiff with the bf. Yes, key word here is "another". And I can't sleep now...while he's blissfully snoring away in the other room. Oblivious to my not-being-there. Whatever.

It's like, lately, he comes home stressed and tired from a day's work. And grouchy. And when he talks to me, that tone comes along as well. He gets impatient talking to me. He asks me non-sensical questions, pressing for answers that he's already formed in his mind...just waiting to trap me with them. Then he comes back to me and say I "think too much". Then he storms off, and leaves me there alone. U have ur stress, but so do I.

That egoistic streak in you is so apparent at times, so blatant. U can just tell me things like "coz I'm the guy" - as if that gives u the right to do certain things, and get away with it. How about this, Mr I'm-the-guy-I-say-so; "I'm the girl..so why don't u give in to me then? Guys are always the ones to coax their girls when they get upset, try to make them happy and smile again...so what about you??" But nooooo...U say u don't see the need to do so. You win then. Literally. U set the rules huh? So at times, u are the guy, u get away with certain things. Other times, "it's not always the guy who has to start things rolling". So that means U always have the upper hand isn't it? When things benefit you, "u're the man". When things swing away from you, well, "not always the guy who does it".

Please understand this. U take it wholesale, or none. Assuming an identity, whatever identity it may be, bf, son, boss, etc...u take the pros and cons. U don't get to choose the good and leave the bad. If you are not willing to, then u may want to re-consider where you are standing, and what issit that u want (or don't, for that matter).

Gloomy Sunday

2009-08-30T20:16:00.005+08:00

Today marks the first day of my misery...I feel so alone...and sad...and everything. The bf is away this week. For someone who's used to having him around, other than during working hours, it certainly is a very painful case of separation. Not to mention, the last 2 weeks were spent holidaying (almost) together...1 week of HK together, followed by another 3.5days of half work-relaxation in KL. It's back to work tomorrow for me, while he's gone on to Taiwan for work. I absolutely hate it when he has to travel overseas without me. He's going to have to promise me that he'll earn lotsa moolah in future, so that I can travel with him. Hmpt.

Basically, I'm just dreading and loathing everything that is to come (apart from Friday that is, when the bf comes back). I'm getting a case of the blues, which goes by a variety of names, such as mood swings, depression, PMS (although biologically it really isn't so)...whatever you call it. And it doesn't help that I'm returning to work tomorrow, after an almost 2-week break. To add shavings to the ice, it most certainly doesn't help too that I'm going back to a work that I don't enjoy nor look forward to.

So here I am, trying to make things better. Key word is try, which obviously, I'm sceptical about working of course. Counting down to Fri is tough...considering today is Sunday, only the first day he's away. Kaoz. Sorry, that expletive just had to be done. I've sort of thought of some things to do to occupy myself in the meantime. Some, looooooong overdue. Ahem. Of course, whether I'll get down to them remains to be seen...becoz admittedly, I'm the master of all procrastinators.

Checklist:

1. Re-arrange my wardrobe

Following my mediocre success at expanding my wardrobe during my holiday sprees, the conquests must be squeezed into the 2 cupboards I have. Ahem. Failing which, I need to, in the very least, re-pack a portion of the wardrobe to make way for the additions. I don't want to even forget I own a certain piece of blouse of skirt. Which erm...has happened couple of times already. I guess some pieces of clothing just have the means of disappearing into obscurity. Tsk tsk.

2. Photoshop my photographs

61 unedited albums to date, some dating as far back as 2007. Need I say more? *sheepish* I owe lotsa ppl photos!

3. Tidy up my room (small scale)

It's turning from a chicken coop, to a pig sty. From the table to the floor, my rubbish are just utterly pilling up in almost every inch of available space in my room! It's makin my already-small room, mini-size! I don't wanna wait till I have to tip-toe around or worse, sleep on top of things! Small scale because this task only involve packing things into the cupboard. This mammoth task will probably take up the bulk of my available time already. Disclaimer: does not include clearing old/unwanted rubbish FROM the cupboards/shelves/drawers/etc. Trust me, I would love to be able to do a large/full scale spring cleaning of my room.

4. Go through the pile of Recruits

...which my mom has painstakingly collected for me...and are collecting dust underneath my table (what did I say about untidyness?). All I can say is, I hope the search can be fruitful. If & when I get down to it. Some of the ads have expired by now, I'm pretty sure of that.

Erh..so far these are what I can come up with. For obvious reason of urgency. Will add to them when I can or need to come up with more. Bcoz as it is, it's already 845pm Sunday, and I'm still blogging and playing FB...and I would need to go shower and zz soon. Not that I want to, but well, work demands I sleep early *shrugs*

Just an afterthought: can't believe the 2 weeks of hols just swung by. 2 Sundays ago, I was looking forward to HK; last sunday, I had just come back from HK, but looking forward to KL. Now...I'm just dreading the LP-ing at work this week and next. I had already known I would have a hard time after all the fun has gone..but it's always hard to face up to reality, especially when it's staring at you right in the face, aint it? *Extreme loathing* Kaoz.

The Global Outpouring of Grief and Sympathy for MJ's Death

2009-06-29T21:26:00.004+08:00

His death was a real shocker, no doubt. Nobody saw it coming. I mean yeah, the man had lotsa surgery done, he was almost obsessed with it. He was also what some would describe "disfigured", point of no return. His COD is undetermined as yet. But speculations rife that his cocktail of painkillers ala morphine overdose killed him. WHo knows. And we may never know, cause for some reason / conspiracy, the relevant people / family would want to keep it under wraps. For good reason too, and can't blame them for it, since they want the world to remember the best of the King of Pop. Truly, I don't think anyone could ever replace the esteemed place he holds in their hearts and minds. Just like Elvis Presley, or Marilyn Monroe.

I'm no big fan of MJ. He wasn't really "my era", though, he doesn't need to be in anybody's era, for people to know that big name. I know he has lotsa hits, chart-toppers, famous songs, etc. Some I like, some I don't. But I must admit his mtvs are quite a thriller to watch =) But I do remember the time when I was in Pri 6, I took my eldest sis' MJ CD and listened. I remember disliking his trademark "ugh" noise that he likes to pepper his songs with. Yes I call it "noise" and I still don't like it. But he really was quite a dancer, never mind the famous crotch-grabbing.

A celebrity's life thrives, and depends even, on publicity. For the best or worse of it. For every one person who likes him/her, you can count on the next man on the street to dislike him. Or at least find the man neutral. Me, like I said, am no avid fan. His songs are listenable. Still, I don't like deaths. Yeah ok, who likes. Except maybe for those the likes of Bernie Madoff.

I remember the Fri morning, when the wires started streaming in furiously, first of his "hospitalisation". THen how "he wasn't breathing". But still, at that point I was like, "exaggeration" (some wires tend to do that). I headed for a loo break, but while I was in there, I thought to myself "oh dear..he'd better not die". When I return to my desk and check out the latest wires, it says "MJ dead"...by then, our newsroom (the few of us there) was abuzz. I hated big/breaking news like these happening on my watch. Yes it makes for good tv, but the things / process that go behind putting those reports and stuff out on air is unimaginable. This time, I was a little worried. I kept thinking "don't die on us". These were still unconfirmed reports of his death streaming in. My dy ed hesitated to put up the "latest bar" because after all, it was based on one celebrity (gossip) website's scoop. On hindsight, their scoop must hv paid off big time now. Anyways...when another website "announced" his death, we went ahead and starting putting his "death" stories, although attributing it to "unconfirmed" reports. Till reports abt the coronor confirming at abt 7 or 8 our time. But in between the first report till then, there were live pix fed through, of fans gathering outside the hospital, and..an earlier shot of a covered body being wheeled into the ambulance. That then, was the reality check. So surreal.

True, there are genuine people and fans who truly cared abt MJ, love his music and the stuff he puts out. But let's not forget his life (since becoming a celebrity), was like a circus for the media. THey picked up the bad, publicised on them, called him Jacko the Wacko, even when news of his plans to hold a series of concerts were reported with a tinge of scepticism / ridicule. Not excitement, mind you. I don't know, that was at least how I had perceived. He was really a media victim. THen when he just died like that, they seemed to all sing the same tune of how nice, how great the man was, etc. Kinda disgusted me. I feel sad for the man. I mean, ok, he may seem guilty of paedophilic tendencies...but the media are a hypocritical bunch, really. They aren't angels themselves. But can't really blame them..after all, who makes up the media? OUr fellow humans. They are always full of talk about objective reporting, fact-reporting. But half the time, they infused their "objective reporting" with their subtle opinions, or through the way they craft their stories, designed to sway opinons.

June is just a bad month for celebrities. 3 have died. Coincidence? Death is no coincidence. But i guess the timing is. Try not to read too much into it. But I won't be surprised couple of days/weeks down, some soothsayer or fengshuit master is gonna comment about hacing "predicted" his/their deaths..or come up with some saying/calculations/whatever rubbish about their deaths being linked to some bigger forces. Well yeah, guess what? The only force is simply them being called home to be with the Lord...stomach that.

On a side note, I've always love this saying -- people like to ask, "Why does God like to take people away from their loved ones?" The reply is simply "God loves them enough to want to bring them close to Him".

i love this!

2009-05-29T14:28:00.003+08:00

I love this song...and just realised that it was a soundtrack from an excellent movie (in my opinion), "Meet Joe Black" (remember Brad Pitt as Death?). Yeah.

It's actually a medley of "somewhere over the rainbow" + "what a wonderful world"...2 very beautiful songs. Perfect combi. To be honest, I thought the original version of the former was cute, but I got tired of it soon after. Same goes for the second one...was nice, but didn't fancy it that much. But this medley, it gave me an unexplicable feelng when I first heard of it. It's not any new medley or whatsoever...it was first performed by someone called "Israel Kamakawiwo'ole", not sure if I've got that name right (this version here is performed by someone else). I caught it when a one-person "band" performe it acoustic, on a guitar. I did a google, and found the "original" was a ukulele version. Not bad sounding still.

I had trouble finding free versions that I could embed on my blog, but found one on trusty YouTube. Do give it a listen. You can ignore the cheesy footage..just close your eyes, and enjoy the music. =D

P/S: I have a "secret" wish, and that's to have a live band perform this at my wedding...if it ever happens. For a march-in maybe? I'm visualising it'll look/sound beautiful & perfect. Ok, that's not-so-secret now. Haha. Do watch it ok?

La La La

2009-05-28T20:53:00.003+08:00

I was just looking at my eldest niece, thinking "woah, this girl is spending too much time watching tv!" From the moment she steps back into the house from her nursery classes at 530pm, that's it. All the way, till she goes to bed at abt 10 or 11. Occasionally, her mom brings her downstairs for a walk, but that's almost just it. The wonders of cable tv. Back in the old days, I don't even dream of tv. It's either doing homewk, or assessment bks, or tuition.

THEN, it occured to me - I think I'm spending too much time online. Internet is becoming such a big part of my life, I think I'm almost spending 24/7 of my time on the computer. Except when I'm travelling, or sleeping of course. At work, I'm already on the computer and net. The moment I get home, I turn on the comp. Then I get on FB and play my stuff. Or I chat wf my frens on msn. I go for my nap, wake up, take my dinner or go for my run, then it's back online after my shower, till I go to bed. I'm like, almost becoming what ppl call a "zhai nv". Because of my job, I have almost zilch social life. And because I can't go out to the real world, what else can I do but get on the cyberworld? Occasionally, I try to "enrich" myself with something worthwhile, like reading the papers, my TIME magazine, story books...but when that's done...it's back to the internet. Hmm...I ought to do something about it.

That said...mabbe I should go watch some tv now. Ciao!

p/s: I'm craving for ice-cream now =(

Musings

2009-05-24T16:13:00.003+08:00

We feel good when we win something. Be it just a simple game, or when something huge like overcoming a battle with cigarettes. Or when it comes to winning something not-so-glamourous, like an argument. To win, or to succeed at making someone feel bad or really lousy? What kind of emotions course through our veins at that point? Is there really something we can be proud of?

How about the aftermath, when we win something, anything? Satisfaction, pride or complacency? How many of us really stay humble and resolve to do even better the next round?

And how do we deal with loss? Strength to do better the next time, or throwing your arms in the air and say "forget it!"?

Mumblings

2009-05-23T23:54:00.004+08:00

Ok, so I've packed my room...albeit incomplete. The task is half-done, but well...it's getting late. Not that I'm going to bed anytime soon...just that my sister would be, so I'd beter stop whatever I'm doing before I disturb the pregnant woman from having her beauty sleep. It's a Saturday, so my 2nd sister usually brings my niece, with her maid in toll, and stays over at my place. She lives at the north part of Singapore, and it's not exactly most convenient for her to travel to my place often enough for my mom to see her and the kid. So the arrangement is such that she'll stay over with us every Sat (almost). Amazing how the apartment can fit so many of us. On Sat, if I stay the night at home, there'll be like eight adults, including 2 maids, 3 kids. In time to come, once my 2nd sis gives birth, there'd be 4 kids! What can I say, other than woah? =DDD

Though I'm much tempted to complain in this entry, I've told myself to refrain from making this a depressing blog entry. So...let's see, what other stuff can we talk about? Hmm...like the shopping I did on Fri? =D Been ages since I went shopping and bought clothes actually. And I wasn't done! There were still shops I hadn't gone into, clothes I was still considering to buy or not...Haiz. But I must say the haul that day wasn't too bad. 2 dresses (though I do kinda regret buying one of them now), 1 culottes, 1 top and 1 skirt. Oh, and a running top, dri-fit. I'm surviving with one currently, and before it gets really washed out or something, I figured I better rotate with another. Not that I don't already own some other dri-fit tops...but they're all with sleeves. I dislike wearing tops wf sleeves when I'm running...kinda irritates me.

Ok, back to Friday's shopping. I had the day off, so got some decent sleep, then woke up and got out. It was a fruitful day, although shopping was all I did. Then I spent the day over at my 2nd sis' place. Before that, I had dinner wf her family. Nice outing. I like this kid niece of mine. =D After dinner at downtown east, walk around abit then went back her place about 10. Got a shower, then "pretended" to change and go to bed...In fact, we were preparing to slip out to catch a movie without my niece =p Caught midnite show "Angels and Demons". Sat morn, my sis took my niece for her piano lessons while I spent the hour loiterin at the mall while I waited for them. After tht, had lunch at Thomson. But I ended up being very uncomfortable with an impending diarrohea. I had only myself to blame, for indulging in that Mac milkshake. I can NEVER drink Mac stuff that has milk ie. milo, milkshake, etc. Must be the milk they use, super high level of lactose, which is so totally not agreeable with the lactose-intolerant me. Grrrr. Anyways, we all drove back to my place after lunch, where all of us, tired from the late night gallivanting, just had to go nap. haha. Night time, went NTUC to get some juice after dinner. Shared with my 2 sis some snacks from Japan while watching a horror but worthless show on HBO. -.-

Hmm..just realised I had almost given a blow-by-blow account of my activities since Fri. Sounds boring I know...but I guess in a way, the simplicity of it all was good fun too. I guess sometimes that's what "rest" is all about - taking things slow, sharing and spending time with people you care about =)

I guess the enforced leave that my company designates for all of us are good in a way. Lesser pay for the time being yes, but at least I get to go on leave, and not suffer freq burn-outs. All of us are going on leave every mth. Yup, my nx leave is in June, which will be in about 2 weeks' time. Then, it's off to Taiwan for "night market exploring" with a gf. More shopping! =DDD BUT means I've gotta try to save more money this month. Haiz. Too little too late =/

But meantime...it's back to work, and back to my life, back to reality. And my future hangs in limbo for now. I'll know the outcome by end of this week. Please, pray hard for me.

existence

2009-05-10T04:46:00.004+08:00

The world we live in today is a crazy one...not to mention messed up. Very often, we get so caught up in our jobs, our lives, and basically ourselves, that we neglect and forget the things we truly care about.

How many of us are guilty of taking the people around us for granted? How many times have we failed to consider the other's perspective, and think we are right?

When was the last time you showed care and concern to the ones who mattered? Most importantly, when was the last time you said "I love you"? Me...a very long time.

L is for the way you look at me

O is for the only one I see

V is very, very extraordinary

E is even more than anyone that you adore

Love is all that I can give to you

Love is more than just a game for two

Two in love can make it

Take my heart and please don't break it

Love was made for me and you

what's wrong with people like you?!

2009-05-07T22:07:00.003+08:00

Some people are just plain rude

When did I step on your toes?

When did I cross the line?

Plueazzzze...don't think so highly of yourself.

Some golden words of advice here:

People are interested, because they are concerned.

Don't be so defensive and assume the worst of everyone.

life these days...

2009-05-05T15:16:00.003+08:00

During the last two years of study, I was every bit the student - the lazy one I mean - watching tv, reading newspapers, surfing the net, etc., anything, but doing my revision. Right up to the time when my exams were round the corner, I was still lazing and procrastinating. I wished for another hour, another minute, another second, just to read one more page, surfed one more website. And it didn't help that my working hours were weird - the other half of my time were spent catching up on sleep. Not many hours left for me to do anything else.

Today, free from exams, free from revision...I've lost interest in the tv, the newspaper, the internet. Haa. Not that I missed studying. That, not yet. A little background here - it was because I found life getting meaningless and monotonous, so to spice things up a lil', I went to pursue higher studies. Of coz, once I was in it, it was a whole new ball game, whole new situation for me to whine about. Anyways, talking about my situation now. I've kinda, lost interest in everything all over again. It's like, I'm back to where I was two years ago, trying to find something to occupy myself, trying to find meaning again. Nothing seems to interest me so far. Got me thinking to the bigger picture - is my dissatisfaction with life because I don't find satisfaction in whatever I'm doing now? Maybe. Back to the work-issue struggle - I longed for normal working hours. Days when I can sleep late at night (I used to sleep at 1 or 2am, wake up for work at about 8am), and still get enough sleep. But this job, sleeping late meant going to bed at 11pm (I wake up at 2am..means I severely lack sleep everyday)? C'mon...that used to be like primetime for me. And having to go to bed early means I no longer have a social life. I can't go exercise, catch up with friends, do dinners, or even go shopping by myself.

No doubt, every job has its perks. Going to work early meant company pays for my cab fares, knocking off when the whole world is working means I get to save $ (plus, I go home for lunch...lagi save more)...But I think at this point, I've come to the conclusion that its perks still do not cover its flaws. Sigh. And I so hate myself for whining and not being able to do anything about it. My friends say, "what's so tough? Go get another job if you're not happy!". Many times I wonder why too. Yes, it is that simple, so why am I making things difficult for myself? I guess the answer is fear of the unknown. First up, I have no idea what I want to do next, so in that sense I don't have a goal to look forward to, or work towards. Plus, I'm hesitant - coz the newsroom is where I've always wanted to be. I don't want to leave it and regret. With that, I guess it brings on a whole host of other issues and considerations. Like, what makes me think the next job I land, I'll be satisfied or happy? How will I know if the same issues won't occur? Or, am I sure I'm up to it? Willingness to learn and having a good attitude, do not equate to aptitude. To which, my friends retort, "you don't try, you won't know". True again. I guess I'm just too....worrisome. I think too much of what ifs. Guess I'm just cautious. I just don't want to disappoint myself.

Well, look at the time now - it's 10.15pm. Time for bed =/

curtains coming down...for now

2009-05-02T14:26:00.003+08:00

After a long good two years, it all finally ended on Thursday (30 Apr). Ok, maybe not exactly long...but well, long enough to make the journey feel arduous and painful. So much so that before my last paper, I got so sick of the whole thing, I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I just wanted it to be over and done with. But well, now that it's all over, I'm like.... yeah, just "......." Haa.

Well I'm referring to my "higher education", which has officially ended. Well Almost. I hope I pass that is. Please be merciful, lecturers. I don't wanna grad without my friends. Yeah, I can't wait for convo to come, so that I can take a huge ass number of photos with all my friends! Us in gowns, scrolls in hands *dreamy + faraway look*

Ok results will be out end-May. I THINK the lecturers wouldn't be so unkind as to fail us, know what I mean? But I hope they'll grad us kindly too. So that my CGPA won't be too bad. I'm hoping (against hope maybe) that I'll score at least a B or better for these last 3 modules! *cross fingers + pray v hard* :( Actually...I know I won't do well this semester. Somehow, I'm not confident about any, at all. You know how sometimes you have this gut feeling when you step out of the exam hall, that no matter what, your answers / results will turn out fine? Well I have none of that. And I'm worried. Haiz. I didn't come this far maintaining a decent CGPA, only to have it tarnished and going down the drain just like that, in this last semester! Gawd.

I think I'm just gonna be sitting on pins and needles for this month, and once results are released, whined and be upset till I go for convo, then regret every now and then for the rest of my life for not putting in my best effort in this last semester -.-''

But I Do...

2009-03-15T16:45:00.003+08:00

I seem to be one who has almost everything going for her...a good family, a good education, an okay job, pleasant friends, a good bf...I've got a good job that pays the bills, buys what I want..even in times like now when ppl are losing their jobs..I have a reasonable degree, a post-grad degree that I'll be graduating from in a couple of months..a family thats always boisterous and fun to have around, friends who love me, a bf who dotes on me...so why do I feel like I want to, I need to get away? Especially, getting away from my life? I'm just restless about it all...unhappy with all that I have..A case of discontentment? Of wanting more perhaps...but certainly not greed. I'm kinda in a limbo now..I don't know what I want. Perhaps it's because I don't really enjoy what I'm doing now. Let's face it...my life is more or less divided into 2 big chunks...work and the others. And when one chunk of it is unsatisfactory, maybe that's the root of my unhappiness.

Maybe that's why when the thought of going overseas, living overseas for awhile seems minutely plausible, I get excited. Yes it is something different. Yes it's something not many will have a chance at (including me). But it's kinda like a chance of a lifetime for me. In a way, it's now or never. I didn't have the chance when I was younger...finances didn't allow me to, plus I don't have the guts to. Not that my mom would be willing too. But now, it all seems possible. There'll b someone with me, to take care of me, to watch out for me...someone to share expenses with even...No doubt there will be sacrifices. Monetary, comfort, family and friends. A risk even, some may say, at my age. I'll have to make arrangements for loans, which will leave me saddle with debts when I come back..at an old age. I may even have to start all over, when I come back...and that's not just me. My bf and I would probably have our savings wiped, and that kinda means our plans will have to be postponed...what does that mean for our plans? and He has more at stake. He has his dad to consider. His dad is looking to take things slower, he's supposed to start learning the ropes. With him goign away for the next two years, wha does that mean for their plans then? And my own family? What I'll be leaving behind?

I just want to be happy...I can't say for sure I'll be happy if I do go away. But I do look forward to a fresh breath of life. Taking a stab at what I had missed previously...and it seems that if I miss this turn, I'll not get another chance like this again. I just want to look for that elusive element in my life...to find it, and put the bounce back into my life...to make me want to live life again. I know I'm not the most rational, most pragmatic soul on earth...I do things on a whim...or I just trivalise the consequences. And regret things. But will I live to regret my gamble this time? Am I being selfish?

Life's Vulnerabilities

2008-10-24T01:07:00.005+08:00

Have you ever wished to live someone else's life?

I did.

And I don't mean a rich man / woman's life...yeah I mean, who doesn't want to try that sort of lifestyle?

Me...I've always wanted to live someone's life, at different points in my life. Sometimes it would be a classmate's, because he/she is so smart and always aceing their exams, I want to feel how that feels...or an adult who seems to be enjoying life, buying anything she fancies...or a friend who has a job that he/she loves and is having fun with it, while drawing a comfortable salary (ideal!)...or basically, just being that friend of yours who seems to have everything...career, family, a life.

Of course, by now any sensible person would know that some people are just born lucky. Everything smooth-sailing, or that their troubles are nothing like yours...while there are those who had to work doubly hard and sacrifice far more, to achieve what they have.

Similarly, I've always wondered if there has been anyone who wishes for MY life. I think on the whole, my journey has been alright. Not the best, but I do not it could have been worse...or that there are others who have it worse than I did. I've made mistakes in my life, some which have made me a better person and I'm thankful for. But there are those too that I've screwed up pretty ugly. Stuff that I wished I never did, stuff which I have no wish to remember either. They are parts of my life I want to bury, that I wished they would just rot and decompose, and never surface again.

I feel I'm currently standing at a sort of cross-roads in my life now, unsure where and how to proceed. Before this, I thought I was sure about my direction...where and what next. Today...all I can utter is I really don't know. I don't know what the future holds for me. And that's scaring me coz I'm not a teenager waiting to enter jc or uni, who has ample time to decide. I'm nearing thirties (a scary thought), and the fear that I will not achieve much is a fear in itself.

Three close friends of mine (they don't know each other) have told me about themselves and "aspirations" - they have no wish to climb the corporate ladder. They are content to have a stable job, stable income...sort of like, they won't go hungry, although they wouldn't strike big fortune either. They reckoned they would get promotions and such, but probably they would remain in the middle management at the most...and they are happy. I'm not saying I'm not like that...but a part of me wants more than that. A part of me wants to be a career woman, like one of those you see in dramas or movies, juggling family and a big-ass career. Thing is, I really am not sure if I'm like that, if I'm cut out for the corporate game, if I can survive the corporate intricacies. Bcoz as it is now, I can't take it already. I'm the "nice" character who can't stand up for herself, and can only wish for the best that people will be nice and not bully her. SO...what happens when the contrary happens? Well it's already happening.

I'm beginning to doubt my own abilities. I kinda feel like I'm a jack of all trades, but master of none. I have a few skills, but they aren't good enough to make me a specialist. Yet, I don't know enough / variety of skills, to make me a "jack of all trades" either. And that's making me scared...what's to become of me? Some say, you don't try, you don't know...but what if I had to try alot of times? At this rate, I'll always be stuck at this level - going round and round, not moving up nor on. I'll never progress, whether personally or in my career. Have I actually been thinking too highly of myself? Or at least more than what I really can offer?

Loved, and Lost...

2008-10-20T02:12:00.002+08:00

I lost 2 boyfriends in one night...

that's drama fit for dreams la ~

or nightmare, if you'll have it

You know how weird / illogical dreams can be...so don't ask "how come" or "why lidat"...coz it just is. Ok ok...it beats me too...so, just leave it at that. Here goes: In my dream... ... ... ...

Venue, somehow it revolved around cck / bt. panjang area, which is nearer to where I'm currently staying, than where I used to be staying in secondary school. There's this particular overhead bridge that I was climbing a couple of times in the dream...up and down, over and over again. A couple of characters featured in the dream, most of them from secondary school...of course, we still are friends now, but that's beside the point. My bestest friends, but featuring more prominently is Net and Hui...for good reason I supposd. Net perhaps coz she was close to my ex-bf, hui perhaps coz she's attending the same church as ex-bf now. Then there's Amy too, perhaps coz she hung around ex-bf quite a fair bit. Honestly, I can't remember what the dream was about...just that I had a quarrel with ex-bf, and he went off to marry some other girl (Both of which are true, except that each happened in different spatial periods). Then after the quarrel, I saw my other bf (current bf in reality) with another girl. Eh, how I come to have two bfs, don't ask me. I stress - I'm NOT like that, I don't two-time.

Inconsequential dream you say. I agree...but you know how sometimes you just wake up from a dream / nightmare thinking it's true because it's just so real? Well this was one example. I woke up feeling sad and all alone. Honestly, what came to my mind first was the fact that ex-bf is getting married in two months' time. I did feel a tinge of sadness, because of what could have been. But...I'm not going there anymore. I've gone thru that before, and I'm not about to regurgitate everything again. Then I remembered my current bf was in the dream as well, and how he had another girl? Thankfully, before I felt sorrier for myself, I recalled that bf still belongs to me =)

I do wish ex-bf the best of coz...wish him happiness and bliss, wholeheartedly. I'm pretty sure the ex has moved on...But for me, he equates to my life's hits and misses. Honestly...I really have no idea how I would feel seeing him walk down the aisle on his big day with his bride. Don't get me wrong, I love my bf totally, wholeheartedly...I have a soft spot for him. But...this ex-bf is not any ex; he's my first bf. It was puppy love, but the innocence of it, the memories of everything...he just holds a special place in my heart. It's not love...but it's just something I can't / find hard to let go of.

some really random post...

2008-08-03T18:25:00.002+08:00

1. Tears

2. Music

...Combine the two and I suppose that will do for me too...

I just turn on the aircon (cool me down, physically and psychologically), blast the music...if it's a sad song, I cry buckets...if it's a 'happy' tune, well, I sing along and feel better afterwards...that is of coz, I don't skip that song..or if the next song is not a sad song and put me in some sappy mood again...

Hmm..sometimes sleep does wonders too =)

Are you the carrot, egg or coffee bean?

2008-07-13T13:52:00.002+08:00

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life, and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it, and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first pot, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft. She then asked her to take the egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to smell and sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she smelled and tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What's the point, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity- boiling water-but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When trials and adversity knock on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

So, which are you?

The carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, wilt and become soft and lose its strength?

The egg that starts with a passive heart, but changes with the heat? Do you have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a financial hardship or some other trial, become hardened and stiff? Does your shell look the same, but on the inside, are you bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or, are you like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you become better and change the situation around you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

just for laughs...

2008-07-12T23:30:00.002+08:00

Courtesy of one of my morning presenters -

One day, Siew Mai was bored and decided to invite Man Tou to the movies. They decided on a comedy, and once inside, Siew Mai could hardly control his emotions - he laughed hard at all the funny scenes, he shed tears when parts of it got emotional...but all these while, Man Tou showed no emotion at all...Do you know why?

.....

Coz Man Tou has no FEE-LING! )ie. filling)

~ haha

So, the rather pissed Siew Mai decided that Man Tou was no fun to go out with, and decided to enjoy the movie with another...this time, he invited Da-Bao to the show, and...........whenever Siew Mai laughed, Da Bao laughed louder. Whenever Siew Mai cried, Da-Bao wept louder. Hmm...why?

......

Coz Da-Bao has more FEE-LING!! (ie. filling)

SO...Siew Mai thought - too drama, don't wanna go to the movies with Da-Bao..so he decided to invite Dou Sha Bao this time. At the movies, Dou Sha Bao laughed at the appropriate times, cried when things got too emotional...nothing over the top. BUT ~ Siew Mai sat through the entire show expression-less, motion-less! WHY?

......

......

......

......

......

......

......

C'mon, wouldn't you be if you sat through the same movie 3 times?! -.-

~hahahaha...duh~

a blessing for journalism

2008-07-05T22:05:00.000+08:00

May the God who said "Let there be light",
bless us in our search for truth and our quest to bring light to dark places.

May God give us the grace to resist the temptation to create a story with little regard for truth,
to assassinate character with little regard for mercy,
to slant reports with little regard for accuracy,
in order to curry favour or earn dishonest reward.

May God give us inspiration,
to tell the truth as we see it without favour,
to report oppression and violence without fear,
to stand by the innocent and defend the right, to encourage the good and denounce the evil.

May we recognise the power of the word,
and not use that power irresponsibly,
nor for personal gain,
but rather for the welfare of the community as a whole,
and particularly, the hungry, the homeless and the poor.

May we find a blessing as we write courageously to give true pictures,
as we seek to bring hope where there is despair,
as we influence people to search for truth,
as we increase understanding of issues,
and as we contribute to the happiness of all.

May God, the compassionate and loving Creator,
protect us in times of danger,
guide us in situations of perplexity,
uphold us in the experience of failure,
and encourage us in times of success.

John Johansen-Berg, England
(from the book "A world of Blessing: Benedictions from every continent and many cultures, compiled by Geoffrey Duncan)

~Yeah...right

Just a thought...

2008-05-24T16:47:00.002+08:00

I completed a story book lately - "The Book of Lost Things" by John Connolly...It's a fantasy story, but quite an interesting read. Fantasy stories are not something I would pick up generally; it all depends. I got to know of this book through Borders e-newsletter, and I read its synopsis, which didn't sound too bad. At some stages, it did keep me gripped, so quite something I enjoyed. So if you are keen, go for it.

Well I'm not plugging the book, just something that occurred to me after I completed the book. A similarity I shared with the boy in the story. Well, he was an only child and his mom's life was slowly ebbing away due to cancer. He came to this conclusion that something can be done about it, and it was all up to him. It started out innocently enough; he just did his playing and games quietly so as not to disturb his mom's rest, and basically he felt that if he did some things a certain way, if he did certain things in a particular / routine way, he can keep his mom's illness at bay. So it came right down to the point where he would wake up in the morning and get out of bed on the right side; he would take a certain number of steps (even, not odd - odd numbers were deemed evil) to go to the bathroom; he would brush his teeth a certain number of times (even still); chew his food a certain number of times (even again)...stuff like that. And if he had bumped his head accidentally on the left side, he would bump it on the right just to make it even..and if he thought he had bumped twice instead of the designated once, he would bump it once again, or any number of times necessary to make it even-numbered and so on; the things he would do...

When I was reading the book, it occurred to me that he seem to have some compulsive disorder. Then I realised that I was a little like that too..and still am sometimes. I thought even numbers were good and odd was bad; and instead of an "obsession" with numbers, I was stuck on routine habits - like doing certain things in a certain way so that I would have a smoothsailing day that day. But I stopped that bad habit after I came to Christ. He, after all, is whom I believe to be in control of my life, not some silly chance thing. In any case, I thought, if doing certain things routinely will get me through a day well, then it's probably the devil at work, that I had to panter to his likes. Haha..well, I caught myself doing that still actually. Not that I believe otherwise now, but I supposed I just sort of fell into habit again. Oh well. Just thought how differently it had looked when it's someone else's story, and how "I'm not like that" or "I certainly don't have any disorders!"...but really, isn't the similarity a tad too uncanny? haha...WELL, I know I DON'T have any disorder =)

News

2008-05-01T19:16:00.002+08:00

Did I ever mention that I enjoy reading other people's blogs? Heh...not really surprising, since I'm so kaypoh...I also enjoy pouring out my woes and happiness through my blog. But somehow along the way, I seem to have either lost interest, or at a loss of words, literally. And I'm sure many of us have encounter this - have lotsa things running through our minds, have a great idea what to blog about, then totally forgot about it when sitting in front of the computer. Yeah, that feeling kinda sux doesn't it.

This time, I let my hands do the talking - I opened an empty post, and just typed away. I guess that's what we mean when we say it's good not to have to think sometimes =)

Anyways, I was watching the telly just the other day when something I learnt in school flashed through my mind.

It all started with me wondering how come I'm blogging so much lesser now than the beginning when I first started. I did mention that my unforgiving hours had alot to do with it. Well it's still true, just that I wondered about the possibility if I had become bored...like, the novelty has worn off? Or even "de-sensitised"?

Yeah, "de-sensitisation" is a concept I picked up from a module last semester. Desensitisation basically means that if you've gone through alot of a particular something which used to irks you, frightens you, or whatever it is, you outgrown from it. This psychology concept is used in media study to explain how kids, for example, after having watched much violence on tv, becames "desensitised", that they may begin to accept that it's ok to be violent, or they are no longer turned off by it when they see it the next time.

AND one thing led to another, I wondered if I'm desensitised when it comes to news. Ok, here's what I mean. Everyone of us has a role in the news process; we are either the ones who PASS the news from around the world to viewers, or we are the ones who RECEIVES the news. In a way, we play both roles at different times don't we? We tune in to tv news and become a viewer, and when we tell our friends about the brutal murder in Japan, or that funny office-chair competition in Germany, we pass the news along.

But for those of us who work in a newsroom, it's kinda diffferent. We are SURROUNDED by news. It's an exciting place to be at, especially during times of breaking news. But it's also made me wonder if that is making me desensitised.

Just yesterday, I was doing a piece of news about how improverished families in Manila Philippines had to turn to re-cooking trash for food. They live in abject poverty - earning less than 200 pesos (about US$5) but having to feed the entire family. To top off, rising inflation has encroached into their income, making things worse. Basically, they scavenge for food in the trash; and a kind of trade from this has evolved - buying and selling trash. Literally, what's one's trash is another's treasure. You can go here for a better idea: http://www.probetv.com/search_result.php?search_id=Payatas

In any case, that wasn't the wire I was working with. I had footage of this mother who sifts through the trash, picks out chicken wing bones (with bits of meat still remaining) and fries them for her children. Sizzling chicken frying in the wok; you'd never have guessed. The footage is far more poignant than my description...hair-raising. One kid commented that she loves the chicken. I mean you think about it, for the poor who could hardly put food on the table, chicken wings are a treat! But this is just so wrong...and sad.

When I was looking through it, I cringed when I saw the kids clamouring for a piece of chicken (or whatever was left on the bone)...then I felt sad for them...then, sort of nothing. I mean as in, after I was done, I left the place and forgot about it. It's wrong to be feeling this way, I know it. People who cared enough perhaps would have done something more. Or maybe it's the sentiment that one man's effort is not enough to change things. Whatever it is...I don't want to be desensitised. Being able to feel for the story and the people whose story you're telling, is very important. You can't tell a story well if you don't believe in it. News today is rather subjective. As in, reporters subtly input their emotions or agenda, and make you feel what they want you to feel through the way they craft the story. Ethical concerns aside, it does give a human side to stories, or give an alternative view to political brawls between countries.

One can never be bored with news, because no two piece of news is the same. But it just sort of made me wonder if having written too much of a particular type of news will make one (or me) feel nothing for it...and end up simply chewing-and-spitting-out the facts that's all.

Exam Blues =(

2008-04-27T19:01:00.004+08:00

I know I have been updating in the most sporadic manner...and this probably counts as one of the most unusual time to be updating my blog...coz I'm sitting for the dreaded exam tomorrow.

Bummer.

Well, I really should not be blogging, but studying...especially considering that I'm super ill-prepared this semester. Remember how I was saying that last sem was bad? Well I'm not so sure which is worse now. For all you know, this could possibly be worse. After all, this module this sem is harder. Although it's open-book...but you know what's the deal with open-books...it's trickier and possibly even harder. I don't know. I just have this sense of forebidding, that's been plaguing me since god-knows-when. Yeah...God...help! I know all that promise I made last sem, sort of flew out of the window. I've just gotten so slack in the process. I supposed adapting to this new work schedule of unearthly hours has taken a toll on me. On top of that, I think I just didn't start revision, or take leave early enuff. AND once again...all I'm asking for is a miracle pass...yeah, even a pass is a miracle. Coz I think I wrote crap for my term paper; presentation wasn't good...haiz.

Anyways, I got "inspired" to blog this coz of Ben...honestly, he's been updating his blog ever so often...like, every 2-3 days? -.- that fellow's a scholar la. Well that aside...he talked about what he's gonna do once exams are over (can check out his blog link on the side panel...I'm too lazy to link now. heh). Well, I supposed EVERY one of us have big plans what we wanna do.

Me....

1. I didn't shop much this month...heh, wait! That doesn't mean I'm gonna do it okies. It was just a passing remark off the head. Anyways...mabbe I would just go browse or window-shop or something. Nothing hardcore..haha..just..you know, browse, and if I see somehting I like, well and good. Hee...

2. I need to exercise! Think I'm puting on the pounds. I'm feeling very uncomfortable about my body now. Physically I mean. Geez...I'm just so lazy.

3. I need to catch up with ..."stuff". Things that I'm supposed to do and lay my hands on, but I've either procrastinated too much, or it just simply wasn't on my agenda; aka, forgot. Ahem. Let's see...things like photos? prezzies? Oh boy there're just so many.

4. Housekeeping...all round in my room, table, wardrobe, etc...even my mobile disk! Things are just getting so untidy in that little black box that it irks me so to see my things all over the place. Grrrr.

5. Of coz, there's still the catching-up I would need to do. I seem to have neglected ppl...first up, I intend to go bck n visit my ex-offc peeps. Then calling the various grp of ppl. Or mabbe wait for some others to date me too. Haa.

6. Erh...I've no idea what's next. But I'm feeling guilty about my revision again, so I shall just leave it at this and not rack my brains anymore.

In the meantime, chaos...wish me luck, and pray for me. I need it!

Wish Tuesday were here...

2008-04-04T16:19:00.003+08:00

I'm so angry with you...you've made me so upset.

I can't let go of the thought of you and how mean you've been.

And you keep doing things to upset me.

All you ever say is just "then what you expect me to do"...or "Can you don't be angry anymore"

But much as I hate to admit this...
I do miss you loads.

I just wish you'll come back soon. =(

Never trust ME

2008-04-04T14:15:00.004+08:00

omg..it's april already..just like that, four months of a "brand new" year have flashed by. I'm going to have my exams soon. As I've been telling everyone, this sem is a goner. I've not done any readngs...and I've only applied for 4-days leave (was 5, but had to go bck that one day coz I'm supposed to be on training that day...it's "compulsory" *roll eyes*) I don't think I can accomplish much in that four days rite? now I wish I had applied for more. You may be wondering what the problem is...just apply now loh...well mister n missy, it's not as easy as that..especially when we have a roster to adhere to, and as it is, we'r getting really shorthanded.

Sigh.

I'm getting scared..last thing I want is an F grade or something..I would hate to think I'd get an ugly but pass grade displayed on my transcript, but now I think I would appreciate the "ugly" grade anyday than an F grade.

As it is, I'm supposed to be on leave today, rushing out a term paper that's due on Monday. I've not done anything (That's not surprising anymore isn't it?)...absolutely nothing..no readings, no research. All I have is a hastily put together proposal which was handed in couple of weeks ago. My lecturer replied with some comments, sayign that my reading list is not concrete enough. I know that too! But I just can't seem to find anything substantial on the topic! God I hate this.

After I came home yesterday (thursday), I was so tired (as usual), so I thought, ok, I'll go get some zz then mabbe wake up and get started. THEN, I woke up and surfed net, watched tv and thought...hmm, nvm, I'll get started tomoro...afterall, with enough rest and zz, I can wake fresh and bright and get started. As it is, it's friday, I woke up 11am (which is almost close to the time I would have knocked off from work anyway) and comforted myself: I know it's late, but hey, I would have come home tired and wanting to zz if I had gone to work today! Now, I can concentrate and get started. Once again, I procrastinated and lazed and surfed net. FINALLY, I opened my word application, took out some notes.

I know...I should have known better than to trust myself.

Ehh...what can I say?

2008-02-22T20:56:00.006+08:00

Hmm...it's been such a long time since I've last blogged...really no time..otherwise no mood..but suddenly I have the mood now...heh

Well let's see..mabbe a short post now..after all, I'm waiting for bf to get home before we go out..I was supposed to do some reading just now, but I was too tired and fell asleep. Woke up and it was dusk..caught a bit of tv, and here I am now.

That's the kind of life I lead now - waking up wee hours of the morning every weekday, getting home in the afternoon, have lunch and nap, wake up evening/night, do dinner, sleep again to get ready to go to work. Strangely, I work the same number of hours as I've used to, I sleep same/lesser number of hours now, but I don't get the same time to spend with my books. Seriously, I'm in deep trouble this semester. I'm lacking so far behind my readings, submitted a proposal for term paper (which I have no idea what I wrote), followed by term paper, then there's the pair presentation this coming Mon (nothing's done, dunno how to do), group project coming up...oh good lord...I feel myself fainting le...

Life hasn't been that easy, seriously; working in the news room is fast-paced...and difficult. It's tough to adapt, especially when I have to re-learn alot of things...in fact, EVERYTHING. I've no relevant experience to talk about, since I used to come from the print media. It's totally different. Even the way I have to write, tv news is just different from print.

There've been times I've done well, times when I've messed up..it's all part of the learning curve. Like what one of the seniors in my team tells me -- the team didn't have a newcomer for so long, that they've forgotten how to nurture and teach someone. yeah. that someone is me loh. Haha..sigh..

I dunno how things are gonna be..but I'm just taking a "let nature takes its course" mentality. I haven't really decided/deduced if this job, or even this industry is really for me..Just have to "test" it out further and see the outcome. Am I being too pessimistic?

What about now? Perhaps there was nothing to begin with

2008-01-13T01:54:00.000+08:00

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?
Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Before it's too late,
What about now?

You never knew.

Merry Xmas...and a long update to occupy you for now =D

2007-12-24T17:56:00.000+08:00

I think it kinda says something when I can't remember what the last thing I blogged about was huh..hee...I know I owe a super duper long and outdated post. Heh..well, a little hard to find the time..Been really busy and all.

Oh right. I had a peek at my last entry. Hee..Ok, so that was on Nov 19, while I was in the thick of my exams. Yeah, now I remember panicking and whining then. So, the exams came and went, a new job came and went, results came and went. My life's been a wee bit more exciting than has been for the longest time I remember. That's kinda alot to blog about in my opinion. Alrite, with what little time I have, I shall proceed to type my usual very chong-hei entry. Here goes. Ahem.

1. Exams...& results

Well as I've said, exams came and went, results came and went. The exams were rather crap. See, I was so despondent that I gave up blogging about it after it was over. For one, as you would have known, I didn't even finish studying half of it. Nah, probably 1/4 at best. So, for Prof Eddie's paper, it took us a little by surprise. Coz some major topics were nowhere to be seen. Next, some questions seemingly do not seem to make use of what we were taught in class. At that point, I didn't know if I should jump for joy or sink lower into depression. But oh heck, I can't very give up there and then in the exam hall. As I've said, I went in with a mentally prepared to flunk. Ironically, perhaps there wasn't any pressure that way? I don't know. Heh. I skipped one question for Prof Eddie's paper. Or rather, I didn't have time to write, even though it would have been rubbish I wrote. Laughable, for someone who didn't study for the paper, I could run out of time huh..yeah, that's perhaps how chong-hei I am. For Dr Kavita's paper, I turn desperate and ended up reading the lecture notes only. As you would know, lecture notes hold the barest details. But well I thought, for someone who has no time to study anything else, wouldn't that have been better than none? And similarly, I thnk at best I completed studying for only 1/3 of the module. Basically, for every question, I just dumped whatever information I know pertaining to that topic/question. And once again, I didn't finish my last question. I wrote 3/4 page for that question, which if I don't remember wrongly, stands for 20 or 25 marks? Oh..best of all..I was late for Dr Kavita's paper. Haha. What a joke.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but initially, it was thought that C is a pass. Technically, a grade C is "good", meaning still a pass rite? But look at it this other way, we need an accumulated CAP of 2.5 to graduate for all the modules, and a C only brings you a CAP point of 2...hmm...

In any case, I guess I really must thank God for this. He knows how much I don't deserve to pass. And I procrastinate a whole lot. And especially since I know many others deserve better grades than I do. But in fact, He has given me something beyond a pass, something beyond a C, and I know it's not my effort. Some people call it luck, some people call I'm being humble. But really, I'm not. I know where things would have stood for me. Of coz, I still sat for my papers and all. But in a way, I see it as His doing when he planted those questions there. Eg - past year exams, there has ALWAYS been this major topic in communications that sees at least one question being set on it. This time, none. And now on hindsight, the fact that I could do well without doing sufficient preparations/revision probably boils down to 2 reasons. 1, either I've been super attentive (which I'm not really) and absorb all that I've heard, and/or that the questions needed beyond class material to answer (which I did, since I didn't do any revision rite). So there you have it. I passed! And the grades are not bad for both! The next thing I must remember, is to try to keep my promises. Well you see, in moments of desperation, I promise, I swear, I lay down my life (ok a tad too much) that if I could cross this "very difficult" hurdle, I would do regular revision, that I would be more hardworking, etc. Well it's for my own good, so I suppose it's time to put those into actions when school reopens in Jan. *smiles*

2. A New Job!

After four years, I've finally moved on to new challenges. Still the media industry, but a totally different medium altogether. My old job handles the print media, while this new one is TV. Technically yes I still write, but I'm now writingto cater to a different audience. With the medium and audience different, it has become a whole new different ballgame.

To begin with, I really have A LOT to learn...new skills to pick up, even right down to writing skills, and in addition, new things that I've never known about. And you know how daunting that can be. It got overwhelming, honestly it did...to the point that I got turned off, I developed blues...almost like depression. I felt like a 7-year-old who refused to attend Pri 1. At least a Pri 1 kid has more fun than me loh. Haiz.

Oh I forgot to mention. I'm a news producer. Basically I'm part of the team that writes the news for the presenters to read on tv. When the credits roll at the end of the programme, can see my name. Hee..some kind of cheap satisfaction.

The first day was kind..I was on orientation. Basically, to orientate me around the place, the things, etc and WHAM! Day 2 I was thrown into the thick of the action. They let me write a piece or two, and it was kinda hurting to know see my article edited 80%. -.- But now, I've kinda realised that different people have different styles. You see, because everyday, we have different producers, and they are mainly in charge of checking, editing and ensuring that all articles are in and/or good enuff to go on air. So when that happens, I've sometimes got conflicting signals from different producers who edited my work. One would tell me to not do this, while another would be doing that, etc. Stuff like that. And I've also realised that because different producers have different ways of doing things, some just want to edit your work heavily when it's not their style; while another producer would have passed my work with minor changes. So...at this point, I guess it's just a learning curve for me. Not just to learn their different styles, but as one senior told me, to have my own style eventually, to have a particular area I'd like to concentrate on. Mabbe by then, I would have improved and they would think it's alrite to leave my work alone with little amendments.

Come Jan, I'm going to be put on training to learn a new system. I'm looking forward to it, coz I would want to learn whatever there is, and hopefully settle down asap. While on the other hand, I'm afraid of my learning incapability. You see, I always feel that I'm a slow learner. Heh. So since day 1, I've always, and still am worrying about not meeting their expectations, whether in terms of learning ability or skills level.

But I'm glad at least for now, they are giviing me time. But really, I am worrying that they may think I ought to have known this or that by now, which I didn't...how?! sigh...

Everyone on the team seems nice, and they seem to get along well with everyone else. THe chief told me, this is a close-knit team, no politiking. And the way I see, I thnk so too. And if it really is, then I thnk I ought to count my lucky stars...coz I thought after I left my prevous job, it would be next to impossible to find a job with no politicking or backstabbing. Though I must add, the people at the old place are still better. Well mabbe at this new place, they see me as new, and not really one of them as well. I hope the day will come soon when I really can become "one of them" on the team. Sigh. You know how the wk env matters to me more than the money.

Not that the $ isn't good lah..it's definitely better than my old place for sure. And the benefits are better too. So I guess I'm "covered" in that sense. I guess things can be better of coz. I sincerely hope so.

Next up: Low-down on my job =)

What's happening to me!!

2007-11-19T14:50:00.000+08:00

I know I ought to be studying now...but I just can't seem to catch hold of my mood. I know I'll feel guilty about blogging instead of doing revision, but heck..I'll leave that to later. I guess I just have to piah doubly hard later tonite.

I completed my first paper last friday...the weeks and days leading up to that was a total nightmare...no, torture would be more apt. Right up to the last week before the paper, I was rushing some stupid assignment. THen when I finally could get down to the proper revision, I realised, to my horror, that 1) there was too much to study and 2) I was studying too slowly. In any case, I was on the verge of giving up. Actually I did throw my hands up in despair...was just too sick of the whole damn thing to get on with anything. Well I guess you can say it was a miracle that I decided to turn up for the paper after all.

I turned up for a paper that I hadn't even revised past 3 chapters. "Gung-ho" huh..but not that I wanted it this way loh. I guess you can really call it a miracle if I passed. I was so depressed...I prayed so feverishly just to let me pass..although the words of the Dean still rang loud and clear in my ears - on average, students should be getting As and Bs...if you are getting Cs (ie. just passing), you ought to look at yourself again and buck up. Nothing harsh, true in fact, but that feeling is really...sux I'd say. And you know what, having come out from that exam, I knew if I had time to study harder, it's really not difficult! And I'd really want to kick myself for this - I just had this gut feeling, so loud and clear, that these 2 particular chapters will surely be tested on...but I just didn't devote time to that. How stupid can I get huh..Well yes, there were 2 essay questions on that -.- Crap.

It wasn't like what I wanted it to be..studying I mean. I wanted it to be an enjoyable process, since the last thing I want is for it to be like how the situation was back in the NUS degree days. I mean, afterall, this is not my first degree, I don't need this to get me a job or something..I want to be able to explore the stuff I'm studying and go more in-depth, instead of studying for the grades. But guess what, as it is, I already am doing just that loh - studying for the grades instead of knowledge. That kinda feeling is distasteful, really. Sigh.

I can't deny what I'm going to do if I really flunk the module. So embarassing rite? but to quit is also equally embarassing! Sigh. But it'll be so sian loh...to have to repeat the module...I not know what to do. Argh. I hope they'll b kind not to flunk me..or that my assignments and projects can help out a little. The last thing I want is to see my friends progressed to year 2 or somthing while I have to repeat a module with my juniors! *Horrors! As if it's of any comfort - Eugene said the same thing too, that if he were to flunk any module this sem (which I very much doubt so), he would quit immediately and cut losses. To which Jac said, logically they'll not flunk anyone, at least not in the first sem, coz they want to earn your $ (sch fees). They know ppl will start dropping out if they flunk, and there goes the $ they can earn. If they want to flunk ppl, it would be till sub sems, when u are so deep into it that you can't quit when u flunk coz you would hv put so much into it liao. Heh...some kind of "wai1" li...(crooked reasoning) haha...

Anyways, I'm still on study leave. Clearing my leave too...I'll leave the news to the next entry *winks...But well, after my last paper, I'll be returning to work on Thursday. Yep yep, my next and last paper will be on Weds...Communications Research. I hate research really, but the prof is a nice lecturer. =) As always, I study for the teacher/lecturer (habit since sec sch). heh. The paper is going to be application style, though it's not open book. It's so me to procrastinate...I haven't had much revision done. Oh well..I ought to go on about it soon...I mean, really really soon, like NOW. Heh..more updates soon...Ciao!

Oh yes...my dear dear is touching down tonite! Happiness! I can see him tonite liao! Happiness! Hee...Can't wait!

a bad entry

2007-11-01T01:13:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep...but I need to because I have an early morning event to cover

I can't study...but I have to because exams are drawing near

I seem to have lost interest in everything...because nothing is going right

I'm kinda hurting, and it feels real bad

What a way to start the month's entry

if ever i would leave you...

2007-10-10T16:56:00.000+08:00

If ever I would leave you
It wouldn't be in summer
Seeing you in summer
I never would go
Your hair streaked with sunlight
Your lips red as flame
Your face with a lustre
that puts gold to shame

But if I'd ever leave you
It couldn't be in autumn
How I'd leave in autumn
I never will know
I've seen how you sparkle
When fall nips the air
I know you in autumn
And I must be there

And could I leave you
running merrily through the snow
Or on a wintry evening
when you catch the fire's glow

If ever I would leave you
How could it be in spring-time
Knowing how in spring I'm bewitched by you so
Oh no not in spring-time
Summer, winter or fall
No never could I leave youat all

Bangkok Photos

2007-10-05T15:54:00.000+08:00

I'm absolutely in no mood to blog. Well obviously, I'm back in Singapore after a wonderful 2-week holidays. It's depressing to be back in reality, where work and school just dictates every hour, every minute and every second of my life.

Ever since I got back from Aussie land, I've started dreaming again. Eh, I'm refering to the literal dreams, the dreams that bug me at night, every night. Before my trip, I was having dreams, nightmares and what-have-yous every night. During my trip, it was perfect..nothing. No dreams to keep me from a good night's rest. Ever since I stepped onto Sunny Singapore, Ka-boom! You have it - the dreams come to me EVERYNIGHT without fail. Some horrifying, some ridiculous. I just wake up tired, like having not rested. I tell everyone I have the good fortune of "watching" a movie every night. When I sleep that is.

And the stress level is increasing for me, so much so that I feel foolish at the things I do. Last night I poured myself a glass of juice from the fridge, and after a good time sipping it, I washed the glass, and guess what? I proceeded to "return" the glass to the freaking fridge. -.- Another one. I was walking along the Orchard underpass at CK Tangs, where the row of atms are? Opp the ATMs is this panel of wall with a big advert black-&-white. You know what? There was a lady dressed in orange leaning on the wall (presumably waiting for someone), she had her head tilted to the left, and when I walked past the wall, she moved (turned to look in my direction) and I was taken aback. I got a fright (seriously). I thought she was part of the advert, and I thought I was seeing things. -.- And and...this a good one too. I was at Orchard MRT Station popular book store, and when I wanted to catch 190 home, all I could think of was, the bus stop is located behind Wisma. And the unbelievably smart me took the escalator down the mrt station, out to Wisma, cut through Wisma to 3rd level, exited Wisma and towards the bus stop. For all who aren't sure of the location of the freaking bus stop...it's just outside the MRT station. All I needed to do, was to take the escalator UP and OUT to the bus stop. Unbelievable.

Ok enough. I don't want to go on about it. Anyway I ought to get back to my work. I just wanted to upload these photos taken at Bangkok earlier this year with my two pals, Lyn and Audrey. I'll do some commentary next time if I have the time. Haa. Here goes.

Day 1 - On the plane, arrival at the Surva-dunno-what airport, a sumptuous lunch at Siam Paragon (Jap food, the cheap and a lot quantity one), night shopping at a night market (some General's market or dunno what..can't remb now. heh)

This was at the famous Chatuchak market. The place is seriously so big, we barely completed one block from 9am-9pm. Also the time when we re-wrote a record: Shopping for 12-hour straight with only a 1/2hr lunch break. Nope, no toilet breaks too. Are you up to the challenge of shopping with us? Wahahaha..

Saw this interesting advert at the MBK Shopping Mall...can't remember whether they were advertising bras or breast enhancement services. Click on it to see what "type/shape" your boobs are. Wahaha...

Nothing much...just some shops near the hotel we were staying at. Interesting shops. We shopped through the four days, we didn't even do any body or foot massages. Kinda waste huh.

And yes, that's the room the 3 of us bunked in. Messed up by our shopping wares. We hardly had room to move about. What you see is not what you get. There's more stuff not captured in the picture. Wahaha. We stayed in Novotel Siam Square, a really cool place. Definitely well located (in the heart of everything), comfortable, not too ex! The "innocent" me have nv been on a shopping holiday, so I brought 2 small luggages, which hardly was enough obviously. The other 2 girls were way smarter. They brought huge luggages (those that can bring you on a 12-day tour to Europe type), which was empty when we just reached, and packed full by the time we left. Audrey even had to unzip a special pocket in her luggage to give additional space. Smart girl.

Supposedly one of the better delicacies that's cheap and good. Know what this is? Bird's Nest. But hell no, it looks like erm...something tested in the labs...complete with the blue containers. -.- Tasted bad too. Yucks. After which we learnt, we ought to have bought from the neighbouring stall. ~ bummers

Our last breakfast at the hotel before heading to the airport. Nice food. International buffet breakfast, though the variety is a tad disappointing. Oh well. But I love their waffles. They had all kinds of exotic fruits to go with it (take ur pick), and the fruits were fresh and juicy. Fresh pickings I must say. Nice!

At the airport, while waiting for our flight. We decided to pool our resources together and splash all on a nice treat. The girls were nice...they decided to indulge me...ICE CREAM! Yum!

Sadly...it was back to Singapore. A short four-day trip. Certainly not enough. I dislike going for short trips actually. It's like, before you know it, you have to take the flight back. Bummer rite. Well there were more places we visited..but no time to take pictures. haha..But then again, it was a nice trip, spending bonding time and stuff like that, with the girls. We endeavour to go somewhere again soon (dunno how soon also), and hopefully, the other 3 girls can make it too! Cheers!

好想你

2007-10-04T04:49:00.000+08:00

你微笑不代表你想拥抱
你的拥抱不代表一切美好
如果说梦想是一个气泡
至少我能够触摸得到

我眼睛看不见你的需要
你的耳朵听不见我的祈祷
如果说天气都难以预告
爱情的痕迹往哪里找

我要对你多好你要爱我多少
有甚麽重要也许答案得走过天涯海角
最後才知道听得见你心跳最重要

你的泪不代表我的烦恼
我的感动不代表你的心跳
也难怪亲吻的时候须要
闭起了眼睛才有味道

How Nice...

2007-09-19T03:36:00.000+08:00

Yes! Finally, the moment I've been waiting for...

I'll be boarding the plane in like another 4hrs, and jetting off in 5hrs time. While majority of the people are riding the mrt. Muahaha...Sounds great doesn't it? It's a well-deserved break ok...though albeit pocket-burning. Heh...

I ought to be sleeping by now...no, I ought to be waking up soon. I rushed home from class, work on the last parts of my articles (work) and I just completed my packing. I'm just so going to look like a panda loh -.- No choice. Small price to pay I guess..sigh.

I pack some readings onto the plane with me. Readings as in school assignment readings, not storybook reading. THough I did bring a copy of TIME magazine with me. I would be real glad if I can catch forty winks on the plane loh...but as it is, it's strange how come I can sleep on the mrt but not plane. *shrug*

Okies..cya back in another 2weeks time...where I'll be depressed to be back..and definitely too depressed to blog. Sigh.

Let's Be Happy...for now

2007-09-16T03:05:00.000+08:00

'Nuff of the depressing stuff for awhile. Let's share some happy news. Or at least good stuff to lighten up my stressed mode.

Hmm, countdown to Australia - 3 days! Much as I've been to Aussie land for quite a number of times, I'm still grateful for this break. Who wouldn't appreciate a holiday huh...though of course, erm, timing is a little tight here. More importantly, I'm spending quality time with my dearest. How not to be happy huh *wide grin* Though...I'll have a small price to pay - bringing my school work there to. Yeah I know. *roll eyes*

Well, whatever it is...I'll take the first Qantas flight out on Weds morning, and by evening time same day, I'll touch down at Sydney. I would have wanted to take the last midnite flight out on SQ, right after my class on Tues nite. But well, price is not right. Air tix costs some 300+ more at least. Oh well. I'll hang around Sydney on Thurs; we'll pick up the car on Thurs morning, and Friday we'll set off for Gold Coast. We'll be staying in Gold Coast till the subsequent Weds, and drive back to Sydney, and spend the rest of the days there till I fly back to Singapore on Sunday. It's my one week vacation, that's why I've got no classes. One and a half weeks of bliss. =D

I bought my airtix online, settled my visa, changed my currency...what's left is to pack my bag now. But before that, I would need to come up with a list of the stuff to bring. I can already foresee myself frantically doing my packing on Tues nite till the wee hours of the morning. Sigh.

But when I come back to spore, it'll be hell. I would have one assignment and one research presentation due. Sigh. So Sao Xing rite =\

Talking about projects...introducing one of my modules' group members!

Jac and myself, well we know each other through work already (she's my client). I'm glad to have her with me in the course. She motivates and pushes the lazy me. haha

Well, we were supposed to form a group of four, and the two "anti-social" girls found this pair of guys who didn't have any other members to form a group with too. They "miao-ed" us while we were unsure if they were "available" still. In any case, we formed a group, and soon hit it off. It's kinda like, we "wu suo bu tan" now *grin* It's a nice bunch of friends, really. No competitiveness, no jealousy, no rivalry. We were giving and ready to lend a helping hand whenever needed. I'm glad and fortunate that my first group members in NTU are this wacky and fun bunch. *wide grin*

Oh I snatched the photo from Ben's blog. Wahaha. He even bothered to name us. Haa. He even wrote an entry about us. How honoured. Heh. Read his entry here, entitled "in a himbo mode". We were having a group discussion in Bugis National Library Children's Section (now termed Kiddy Land, no thanks to Ben too..Haha), and he suddenly stood up and snapped a photo. Only Eugene looked at him. I was well...shy. Hee.

My turn to do an introduction on my group members. If you found Eugene familiar, that's course he's the host for the current affairs programme on channel 8 "Frontline" aka qian xian zhui zong. Ming ren ye...hahaha. Ben works at Republic Poly, Corp Comms. An engineer by training, he started with RP's HR actually. Interesting mix eh. Jac...dun need say liao lah. Hahaha..me and you so shou liao hoh =)

Alrite..will keep it short here. More next time then. Though I dunno how long the next entry will take me to pen. Haa. Ciao.

School Vs Work

2007-09-15T23:50:00.000+08:00

It's been eons since I've last updated an entry. Well I'm really pressed for time now. Everyday seemed to go by in a whiz, I no longer know what's happening. A simple school changed my life. For the better or worse, I'm not sure, seriously. I would want it to be better of coz. I have no time for entertainment; and whatever time I have is split between work and school.

I'm stressed out by work and school at the same time. It's like, I try to put in my best for both, but it's never gd enough. Twice a week I leave work early to go for classes. I thought by making up for lost time to my boss, I thought by working doubly or thrice harder, making sure my work doesn't suffer, my boss will be alright about my attending school. And well, ought she not understand, since she herself is taking a course too? Because the last thing I want is for my boss to think that schooling has resulted in a drop in performance. So, in fact, I thought I did it. I completed my work, and even ahead of time; my projects went smoothly...I was pleased with my performance in fact. Proud of myself. The only difference is that for twice a week, I could no longer stay back late like I used to. But that probably was what caused my boss to be unhappy. Despite all the good work I've done, all it took was just one more extra day of class to cause her to lapse into an impatient mood with me. For freaking sake, it's just one additional day this week loh, not a permanent feature. Lesson number 2: learn to manage your boss.

I've ever asked myself this question: did I make a wrong move? I did some soul-searching, and I got my answer. I don't regret signing up for the Masters. I always tell myself, there are plenty who have worked and studied at the same time. No reason why I cannot do it. I know I can do it. But I've learnt something though. Balancing - Putting in the effort in your studies (ie. conscientiously revising, doing homewk, etc) and continue to give your best at work, aint enuff. The equation needs another variable - your boss/organisation's understanding and accomodation. Perhaps that isn't a variable, it would be more appropriate to call it a constant factor. The variable factor is work load.

Having a job like mine, which keeps irregular hours and work carries over beyond the regular 9 to 6 hours - covering events on week nites and week ends, pressing deadlines which demand your attention to complete it (meaning OT or bringing home to do)...truly leaves no time for school and revision.

Understanding from your superior...That is a hurting lesson I picked up. I was giving, and expected appreciation, waited for understanding. I was too eager to please her, wanting to make sure that my work quality and quantity doesn't suffer...that I left myself with no time to do my assignments, to do my revision. In spite of all that I've done, she was never really pleased.

Like the analogy that Moses gave: I used to give 150%, but now with school, I could only give 120%. She doesn't see the fact that I'm giving her 120%, which is more than fulfilling my responsibilities. She only sees the fact that there is a 30% decrease. But, according to Moses, I shouldn't let that bother me; I shouldn't worry if she's upset with me or not, so long as I fulfil my obligations. But I'm not that sort of person. I care alot about how others see me, and I am uncomfortable knowing that someone is unhappy with me, much lest my boss.

I am disappointed with her reaction, really I am. These four years, we have been more than just boss-subordinate. We were friends. I could confide in her personal problems or struggles at times. Our relationship has transgressed beyond office ties, and that was what kept me here all along (plus great colleagues of course). But this incident also sort of made me realise how fragile relations can be. All it takes is one simple incident to change things. We are still cordial and jovial towards each other, but I do perceived a certain level of terse and tense environment in office.

And with the problems caused at work by that new girl (that's story for another time), I truly felt the strain of unhappy work life and unsatisfactory learning. I felt I wasn't doing my best at either. Kinda like Jack of all trades, Master of none. Time was a crucial factor lacking severely in my case. And that led me to explore other options.

My initial intention was to finish up my first year while working at the same time, and when second year (Aug 08) starts, I will do full-time studying (& perhaps part time/temp job), and complete my Masters in the second year (May 09). One of the options I explored was naturally, bringing forward my plans. If I go into full time by first year second semester (Jan 08), I can actually finish up approximately in 1.5years time (Dec 08). Sounds appealing doesn't it. Some other options includes changing a job. But after some consideration, staying in this industry may be impossible, because of the hours necessary to sustain the work load. I'm sad but I have to accept the fact that I will probably have 1-2years time lag of not being in this industry. Anyways, I've got to go think about what other jobs I can do. That I haven't really thought about. Changing to a job with fixed office hours will undeniably give me more time now. Question is, is it sufficient? Anyways, that's somethign we won't know till I'm in it. Other options will include doing a part time job or studyign full time and giving tuition or something...kinda like what I used to be doing when I was pursuin my degree in NUS. But I was too caught up in that, that it become somewhat an undesirable outcome. Anyways, like I said, I've got to go think about it more. Because it seems, no matter what, something's gotta give in any of the situations. Time or Money; not Time and Money.

Whatever the case is, time is definitely a luxury I want now. I can only go out once a week, which is really sad. Other days are spent OT-ing, or doing projects and assignments..especially the weekend. Sigh. Wish me luck in finding an answer.

Perhaps it's time to say goodbye.

Looooong Break, Short Update

2007-08-21T17:20:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the long hiatus..it's mid-Aug now, and this is only my first entry of the month. I've been neglecting this blog for quite awhile :( I'm such a slacker. Heh..

Well I would have loved to blog often, but there have been many distractions keeping me away. Before I go on further, I must forewarn you of the incoherent me. I'm a little tired by this time these days. Alritey, I've been minding my own business of course, but sometimes, things just happen around you and you can't very well stay out of its way right, if you know what I mean.

Hmm coming to think of it, I could very well come up with a ranking or something, to sort of list the top happenings around me now. Yep let's do that. Yah I know how uninteresting my life can be, that you may even be wondering why I even bother doing a ranking. Though my "ranking" will be a short list. Heh. Don't care.

1. Isabel has quit her job

Well things between her and boss and Eve aren't exactly pleasant now. They seemed like they have turned loggerheads now. To summarise, Boss feels that Isa hasn't been putting in sufficient effort, while Isa feels that boss hasn't been understanding enough. A matter of perspectives I guess, but who am I to say anything. The last thing I want is for the team to split, but if it has come to this point, then the least I hope for, is an amicable split, which well..by the looks of it, isn't really going to happen. On surface, things are cordial...but too unnaturally cordial. There are a lot of underlying tensions, and Eve certainly isn't helping much at times when she fans the fire or adds oil. Sigh. Interviews are ongoing for the next junior, but well, it's either that Boss doesn't seem to have the sense of urgency about it, or that there aren't enough good applicants. Whatever it is, Sophia is feeling the heat and stress.

2. My bro's ROM

1 December 2007 will be the date. Last month was actually a turbulent/traumatising time for him and the family. The gf actually asked for a break, and said that there was a third party. Understandably, my bro was upset about it. Anyways, to cut the long story short, they were back together three days later. She said that she was "only testing him". -.- Sigh. How true? I dunno. Should I believe? I also dunno. My bro he does, wholeheartedly. My sis, myself, my parents...we don't know how/what to make out of the mess. Then he purportedly got very 'on' about ROM-ing, wanting to fix a date and stuff like that. To be fair, well, they had been trying to ballot for a HDB Q number, and they did talk about ROM since last year alredy. It's just that this scare has gotten him on his toes, all-ready to act on it now. Well...being my bro, of coz I wish him the best, hope for the best. Just that my sis n myself dunno how to face the gf still.

My bro asked me to be his MC cum photographer on his ROM day (Comes with my job). Heh...Well I told him I don't mind doing it of course, if I were in Spore that is. You see, NTU's exams will be held in November, and is scheduled to end by 1 Dec. My intention is to fly out to Cairns once my papers are over, and this may stretch beyond 1 Dec. Esp say, my last paper is on 25Nov or something. But because I don't have my confirmed exam dates as yet, so I can't say yes or no to him too. Oh well...we'll see. If I can help it, I won't want to miss it too. But hmm...I missed my 2nd sis' ROM...coz I was having lessons on that day (uni that time). Haa.

3. School Starts!

Yep, school has started. I've been attending classes for the last 3 weeks le. The stress and pressure of co-handling school and work is no joke. I've got so much readings to complete for just two miserly modules loh. Doesn't sound alot, but coupled with a day job...you know what I mean. Day in, day out, school assignments, projects and term papers are always on my mind, and they are driving me crazy soon. The fear of not knowing what/how to do, the anxiety of not doing a good job...Haiz. Like Tricia said, sometimes I wonder what I've got myself into..haha..but well, I'm NOT regretting, and I'm certainly not about to make myself go there. I know this is what I want for myself; I hope I will stop being lazy. Haa...And you know what that means...I haven't been shopping, my life is down to a rather low-low. Sigh. I'm not a happy girl now. Haha..

Aiyoh k lah, I shall stop this for now..This short post has actually took me so many days to compose; writing a little and saving each bit everyday. Finally it gets to see the light of the day -.- Yeah I'm lazy...Correction, I'm busy *grin*

So how do you measure up?

2007-07-30T19:10:00.000+08:00

Go try this silly test. Haha...

why people WANT TO get drunk

2007-07-29T04:56:00.000+08:00

1) They are having fun

2) They want to throw up

3) They want to disgust those around them

4) They want to waste money buying the drinks, downing them, then throwing them up

5) They think it's cool to be wasted

6) It's great to make a mess of yourself!

7) They think little/nothing of making those around them upset

8) It's fun making those who care, worried

9) An excuse to not know what's going on...not even when they hug the girls next to them repeatedly

10) Best of all? They just want to be drunk

New Year's Eve Party Photos

2007-07-24T23:19:00.000+08:00

Gonna do a short post here today. Managed to put together a quick montage of shots, and these were taken...erm, heh.. abit paiseh to say even...earlier this year, during the new year's eve party...wahahaha! Yah I know what a slacker I am. Alright here goes:

确定，你就是我的唯一

2007-07-24T15:37:00.000+08:00

Wandering like a leaf upon the wind

I have been searching for someone

Holding out for a love to shake my soul

Heaven or nothing

Then you walked into my life

In a blaze of light

I've never wanted someone more

You are the one I've waited for

Light of my life

You're the fire in my heart

When I'm lost

I know I'll feel you burning in the dark

You're the light of my life

Every star in the sky

Shines more brightly when you're at my side

And dreaming, I feel you next to me

But no, I'm not dreaming

Cause I'm drowning in your kiss

I die in your arms

And when I hear you call my name

Baby, it's like I'm born again

Your love's a lantern in the rain

Bringing me home time and again

Burning like an eternal flame

Light of my life

You're the beat of my heart

Like stars in the sky

Only you can take me through

You're the only one who makes it right

Coz only you can set fire to my night

You - the light of my life

Waiting for Time to Pass

2007-07-23T17:13:00.000+08:00

Hmm..dunno why, just suddenly have the urge to do an entry now. Kinda strange, coz I'm like at work now loh. Haha. Guess maybe it's coz the day is draggy and long, taking forever to end. -.- After some loooong wait, finally it's 5.15pm now. Today is one of those days when you look at the clock, it's 3pm; you do a whole load of things, take another look at the clock, it's 3.10pm. -.-''

I was in a pissed mood just now...and aggravated by the fact that some frens just chose the right moment to step on my toes. Eg, Adrian. He super one kind...Ok, he started out of concern, no doubt. He msned me, asking me how's my day, and my reply was "busy, draggy, can't wait for it to end..so not very good mood". And you know what that idiot (yes Adrian you are an idiot) had to say? "Why? Period coming?" Can someone, anyone, please enlighten me why issit that guys have to assume it's our menses causing hormonal inbalance, and thereby wrecking havoc in our moods? Ok fine, granted, that is a scientific-fact, I'm not arguing against that. What I have a grouse with is, why do you have to assume that as the cause of the first inkling of trouble?

I mean, when guys fly into a non-explicable rage, nobody goes "Why? Hormonal inbalance?" or "Raging hormones? Didn't get what you want?" -.- I know, that sounds kinda crude. But crap. That's what I mean loh. I'm not trying to suggest anything feministic here...but doesn't it sound kinda discriminatory or smthg? I dunno..I can't put a finger on it..just doesn't feel good abt it. Felt kinda mis-understood or misplaced. Sigh. Anyways. Adrian u pig.

Hmm...let's see, some good news =) Our dear Isabel may very well soon be on her way to snaggin her new guy loh. Hee. This fellow is her friend whom she's known for a long time. Kinda like my situation. =) They've known each other for coming to 10 years (me and J coming to 11 yrs..hee). I'm happy for her. I believe (just as she does) that she will be happier with this guy. We have our reasons, and we happen to concur =) Oh he happens to be a J too. Heh. Well, give them a couple of months, they'll probably get hitched (bf-gf) very soon. Who knows, we may even go shopping for V-day prezzie together next year =D Wishing her the best. =) She'll be graduating from her school soon..Means once school's out, she'll revert back to her normal work hours..and lunch sessions with her will resume soon *grin*

Argh! Look! Look! This is what I mean loh...in the midst of my doing work and blogging, albeit short entry...it's only 5.40pm now!! Time absolutely craaaaaawwwwls!!! I hate today. I hate now.

Tomorrow!

2007-07-23T00:08:00.000+08:00

And thus marks my fourth entry for this month. How pathetic. Oh well. Can't say much, except no time, no mood. Think after this entry, the nx one will come like at least one or two weeks later.

I'm not in much bitching mood lately. Heh..that's not to say I do all bitching entries only ok. My bro left for HK with his gf this morning, holiday loh...so good loh. Hmpt...my last 4-day break was in Apr...*sulk* But hey! *big smiles* My dear is coming back tomoro from the States! Yayy! Can't wait. But well...as I've said previously, it will be a short-lived one week before he goes back to Sydney for his last term. No, six days, to be precise. I ought to be appreciative that it's gonna be the last half year now. But still, you know five/six months are still hard to get over. I'm praying hard that nothing will thwart my Sept plans to go over. With that Sept break, it can at least break the monotony of having to wait the whole half-year before we meet. At least it's a two-month wait first, then another three-month or so. Sigh. I'm so worried there would be assignments or projects. Actually, there's bound to be! So what then?! Argh...I'm not gonna think about that yet. Hmpt. Dun wanna spoil his homecoming first. We'll deal with that when we come to it.

I didn't know his flight was scheduled to touch down at midday. He said "afternoon", and I thought it was like 4 or 5 in the afternoon, to say the least. So I thought, ok, 4 or 5, he'll reach home abt 6, let him unpack and stuff, I'll be able to meet him after work for dinner or smthg. Perfect! But nooo...sigh. Now I'm kinda wishing I had taken half-day tomr! He's scheduled to touch down like 11+, so I presumed he'll be home by 12+, 1. And if I were on half day, I will knock off at 1, which then is just perfect arrangement. =( Now I've gotta spend the remaining hrs at work. Oh well...I guess it's good that he'll go home and unpack and catch a nap or smthg before I meet him in the evening loh. Normally things would be rather chaotic once you come back from overseas rite. I'm trying to convince myself that it's better I stay out of the warzone first.

Well, I've applied for leave on Thurs and Fri, so that I can spend more time with him before he goes back. THis month somehow just zooms by. Initially I wanted to apply Tues too. Actually, I'm kinda kicking myself now that I didn't apply for Tues in the beginning. Now may just be too late. I was desperately trying to clear my work last week, knowing that I'll b on leave this week, and was hoping that I can throw in the Tues as well...but that was real hard. Now, leave on Tues seems more and more out-of-reach. ='(

Oh, I went to cover an event on Fri nite, and it was erm, funny...interesting to say the least. Well, it was interesting to find myself the subject of the videographer's & photographer's target...Hee. I was there to cover the event as a rep from the newsletter section, and they had actually engaged another videographer and photographer too. Perhaps they were too bored, I dunno. But it's kinda funny when the photographer tried to steal shots in the midst of shooting the Minister. It was flattering, I must say. Haha...Ok, I don't think he's hao-se lah...Probably just cheeky, for the fun of it. Although there were definitely chee-ko-peks there at the event. Hmpt. Tried to get fresh, omg. Yuck. Act blur and walk away is the best lesson I've learnt since my three years in this line. But I'd say, time to learn and store new tricks man.

I've been actively feeding non-stop on this gummy "Starburst". Sophia describes it as the most yummilicious gummies on earth. Somehow, the chewiness is just nice. Sweet yes, but strangely addictive. Even my boss, who doesn't have a penchant for sweet stuff, couldn't keep her hands off it. Heh. Her famous words: Get this thing away from me! Hahaha...It's available in Spore. I saw it selling at Taka, but super ex man, like more than half the price it was being sold in Australia. My dear J brought it back for me =D

I've recently ported my online photos from yahoo over to flickr. As we all know, yahoo really is gonna shut their photos portal. Anyways, I've yet to update the links by the side panel. Not to mention the tonnes of photos I've yet to upload online too. kwah-kwah. When I have time and when I remb. Heh.

Ok, gonna put some pics up today. First set:

These were taken at East Coast last Weds. My office peeps are really nice. The previous week, when my Mr J had just barely left, Moses suggested going to do something to help cure me of my lovesickness. Haha..Sophia suggested cycling, and I was all for it! =) Isabel had to work late, so she didn't join us. But still, we had loads of fun. =) Tricia and myself are just sooo photo-people. Hee. Anything, anywhere, you can bet we'll whip our camera out and just shoot. Hee. 1stly, that's why we buy cameras! 2ndly, photos are great keepsakes ok. We went for dinner after that. Not sure if the food is really great or that we were really famished by then, but we could hardly wait to devour the food when it arrived. Digressing, I seem to have turned into this huge gluttony growing child. No amount of food seem sufficient. Sigh. On top of the bad news, I had become lazy at my runs too. Argh! Sign of depression? Sigh...

Ok, here's the next batch of photos.

A mini birthday celebration for me, in office, by my office peeps. Btw, I didn't commision these photos. Our dear Tricia just went trigger-happy. Haha...I do appreciate that though. Great keepsakes =)

Sat Nite @ Zouk

2007-07-15T20:57:00.000+08:00

I haven't had such fun in a long time =) So does that mean I have a boring life, or boring frens? *ponders* Coz the last time I went St James was rather boring. Pauline and I agreed that it must have been the crowd we went with. The music's good at Zouk, I must add. Citibank card got me in for free, the guys bought the drinks. Haha..

Pauline asked me out to zouk last night; was organised by Jocelyn. Apart from her and Jocelyn, I didn't know who else was going or how big the group would be. But well, when it comes to Jocelyn, we can always trust her to jio her different grps of frens together. But me n my big mouth - I didn't know that she had broken up wf her bf recently, and well...u know, I shoot my mouth off. Haiz. Of coz she didn't blame me =) But well, I still felt bad. Then again, with the hoards of guys swarming around her..haha. Let's just say she has no lack of suitors. *grin*

Seems that the bunch was pretty much acquainted actually, initially I kinda felt a little odd. But well, it soon passed and we were rather acquainted after a while. Sua ku as I am, I learnt to play the fav guessing game that seemed to be many ppl's alcohol companion. As usual I couldn't drink much lest the allergy monster attacks...so I got a fren to drink for me if I lost. =p Well, he gallantly offered and I did thank him. Haha.

Coincidentally, Adrian was supposed to meet his friends at Zouk too, and while my frens have all reached, his hadn't, so he joined me and my friends first. Albeit paiseh to say, that was my first time at Zouk in my 26 yrs. What? I'm a guai guai girl ok. Heh. Anyways, everyone drank, played their stuff, talked, then decided to hit the dance floor. And fyi, I can't dance for nuts. I've got two left feet. So I felt kinda awkward being there too. Esp when the gang got high, and started dancing. I mean, really dancing. But they don't want to leave me at the table alone, so...yeah.

Anyways, I was just swaying and stuff, then this guy came along and asked if he could know me. I was a little surprised, coz from what I could tell, this chap is young, definitely younger than I am. I found out that he was serving his NS, is 20 this year. And interestingly, he thot I was still studying. Haha...I look THAT young huh? *Ahem* heh...

It definitely turned out to be an interesting nite. I mean, to begin with, I wasn't THAT keen to go, knowing that I probably wouldn't know more than half the peeps in the group, but well, I thot anything beats mopping at home. And the next thing I know when I'm there, I have guys vying for my attention. THree, may I add. Heh. It is flattering, I must say.

But one of them...well he's kinda irritating. He tried to take advantage of me, touching my face on the pretext of "feeling how flushed he is". Initially, I thot he was being friendly, when I saw him touching my other frens. I siam, but one time I couldn't siam fast enuff. Yeah, he did it more than one time loh. He touched my cheek, and I got really pissed. I told him off, not fierce, but definitely not polite. I made it clear to him not to touch me again. He tried to laugh it off as an innocent thing, but I tink the look on my face must hv said quite a fair bit. He didn't try to do anythign subsequently. Initially he tried to come close while we were on the dance floor, but thank god for Pauline and Jocelyn and Adrian - I used them as shields. Heh.

Another one, I'm smart enough to know that he was interested. Ha..so I siamed him. I just acted blur, moving out of his way "unknowingly" whenever he tries to come by...talking to Pauline and Jocelyn whenever he tries to strike a conversation. True enough, Pauline told me later that the reason why she intro-ed us was coz he told her he wanted to know me.

But well...I didn't go out of boundary. I do remember the ring resting on my fourth finger, I do know that my heart has no room for others =)

I like...

2007-07-14T16:34:00.000+08:00

I just love ice-cream. That is one very big weakness I have. No, I oughta call it a soft spot, not weakness =)

I'm actually someone with a small appetite for food. A habit since school days I guess. I skip meals, I have late lunches, staff like that. Of course, I'm definitely eating more than I used to. But that's not the point. Ok, let's put it this way, some people have a penchant for good food (classy and all). Me, I would rather spend my last dollar on shopping =D When I go shopping, whether with frens or sister, I can give up on food and simply shop till I drop. Haha. Remember my mean feat when I shopped at Bangkok earlier this year with my frens? We spent more than 15hrs shopping at Chatuchak Market, of which there was only a half to 45min lunch break at best. Good eh...hee.

Ok I've digressed. Back to my beloved ice-cream. Just like fruits, there's no ice-cream I don't eat. Cheap ones, good quality ones, I love them all. Ok, there's one kind of ice-cream I don't like. I don't know how to describe it, but the texture is creamy like milk powder, yet the ice-cream is not cold. Kinda feels like you are EATING cream. Yuck. Disgusting. But other than that...give me the ice-cream!

And I was sayin that I have a small appetite for food, for proper meals, but I have a huge appetite for ice-cream. Insatiable, I should add. =p I'd stop eating my food once I'm full, but that doesn't apply for ice-cream. Those around me who knows me will also know my fav saying: I have two stomachs (like how a cow has four) - one for food, one for ice-cream. So I'm always, always game for ice-cream. Yum! Think I got my sweet tooth from my dad. He loves ice-cream too. Something that didn't show (& therefore I didn't know then) until sometime last year. He would buy boxes of ice-cream cones, popsicles, and most of the time, it would be him or me downing them. Between the two of us, we can go through like 2-3boxes each week. Haha...But well, he's cut down since. Alot actually. He's concerned about taking too much sweet stuff of coz, so no choice. I'm thankful I don't have to cut down. Not for now at least. THough I definitely have to watch my weight and do exercise. Can't imagine how I would be like going on stuffing myself wf ice-cream. This week, I did ice-cream three times already. I just had one. Haha

It used to be candy when I was younger and studying. I have such a sweet tooth that I like anything sweet. And things that people find sweet is fine with me. Actually that is still the case. Haha. I still love candy, but I've learnt to wean myself off them a little more. Coz I'd rather give in to my ice-cream craving than candy craving. That's something I'm still not prepared to give up..yet. I used to down sweets like water. Say for example, a tube of mentos in 10min. Scary huh. My sugar contents must have been horrendous. Heh. I still like sweet stuff, but I do try to curb the sweet stuff as far as I can. FOr instance, these days when I drink tea, I don't add sugar. I drink it as it is with the tea bag. Initially I found it bland and tasteless. But after a week of "training", I think I got my palate a little more back to normal. =) It's a good thing of coz. Heh.

Hmm...I dunno how this topic came about too. Perhaps I was too bored and I just had one huge dullop of cookies and cream ice-cream. Heavenly! But well..that was the end of it, coz the ice-cream was finished. I think I was responsible for the whole 1litre tub (over time of coz). But you know, I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem for me to finish one tub in one setting. Haha.

Hmm...I ought to check out for any ice-cream buffet or ice-cream eating competition huh. hee. Now I'm feeling sleepy. After-effects of the ice-cream I think. Hee. Yawns.

School's In...soon

2007-07-12T00:55:00.000+08:00

It's mighty fast, we are 12 days into July. Very soon it'll be mid-month. Half the month whizzed by just like that.

I haven't blogged a single entry this month, till now. Been busy...accompanying my Mr J of course, what else. He'll only be in Spore for the first and last week of July, and the middle two weeks he'll be in the States. Yep, he's in the States now, so that explains why I'm able to spare the time to do a blog entry. Duhh.

Once he comes back from the States, it means it's time for him to return to Sydney too. Which was why I said I was in a kind of dilemma - do I want him back to Spore sooner or not? Not that I have a choice of course. It's just that on one hand, I wish that time would just blink by, so that he'll be back in Spore. But that would mean, yes, he's going back to Sydney too. I guess there'll never be a win-win. Sigh.

Yep, and when he goes back, it means I'm going to start my classes too. My school term starts 6 Aug officially. I'm hoping to sign up for modules that will fall on Mons and Weds if I get my way. Yesh, I still dunno yet, coz our dear NTU hasn't even posted nor emailed anything with regards to module sign-up. Am I too kan cheong or are they too cool about? But yeah, as I've mentioned before, Jac and I are going to be coursesmates, though we may not be doing the same modules. Well, I sure hope there'll b overlapping of course.

I haven't decided for sure whether to do a dissertation or just finished it up with doing all modules. I'm more inclined towards the latter actually. The dissertation idea certainly does not appeal to me (not that much anyway), and besides, I'm a little clueless what kinda dissertation topic I can do. Well I don't have to decide now, just that by Yr 2, I would need to give a formal reply. Arghh.

Whatever it is, I hope I won't screw up my studies this time. Time management is a big issue for me. Has always been. I get distracted and bored easily, and I devote too little time to my studies. Lazy about revisions, about tutorials. What's more, this time I'm working, which is worse. Homework, assignments, work, clients.......*Nightmare* Once is enough to scare me; I hope I won't do stuff like screw up again. And hopefully my boss will be kinder to me, in terms of workload. And because I haven't confirmed which days I'm going for classes, I can't work out a work/time schedule for my boss too. Urgh...We'll have to wait and see then.

Alritey, it's been a busy week. Isabel isn't around this entire week, and I'm covering her work while doing mine. THough half the time, I'm procrastinating about mine. I'm feeling sleepy, need to catch up on my beauty zz then. *Yawns*

Registration Day

2007-06-27T23:45:00.000+08:00

I went on half day today, coz today is my registration day at NTU. First and foremost, it was a rather queer sensation, to leave office at half day. It's been such a long time since I went on leave, especially a half day leave. My last leave was in...April? When I went on cruise with my parents. Actually not that long ago, but it certainly felt like ages ago. Heh. Yeah, I'm lazzzy...

Anyways, I had lunch first with the office girls before I went on my way, embarking on the long and arduous journey all the way to the lonesome hill top, which is to become so agonisingly familiar in time to come. Registration was slated to end at 4pm, and I reached NTU grounds approx 315pm. Ok, not terribly early, but should still have ample time right? WRONG lor...

Ok, I was supposed to drop by the Students Services Centre (SSC) to make payment for some administrative fees before proceeding to another building for registration. Armed with a blurry map, I made my way towards what seemed the correct direction, and all was well initially. And then I lost track of the SSC. It was like, so near yet so far. I knew it was in the vicinity of where I was standing, and I would have continued to trudge ahead to what I thought was the SSC. Until this other girl who was supposed to do registration too (she had the same blur pink map) told me that she came from the other direction and the building wasn't where she came from. Pengz.

I walked left, right; tried to look for signs to point me in the right direction at least, to no avail. And it didn't help that this god-forsaken place was a mass of buildings with no labels. I mean, in the map, they labelled this and that building as this and that, but when I saw the physical place, they either don't label the building (no big signs on top), or the signs were hidden at some obscure side panel, blocked by luscious trees! *roll eyes* Of course, I asked some kind souls, and they pointed me in the direction. Guess what? The SSC building sits atop one of the hill top. Literally, I tell u; no kidding. *faint*

That long flight of steps that stretched forever. I tell you, if not for the fact that I run, I think I may just have panted and paused half way up. Anyways, by the time I reached the finance office, it was 350. And I was positively drenched in perspiration. Yuck. And not the prettiest sight, I know. I was stricken with panic to my bones, coz I seriously didn't know what would happen if registration was over and I didn't do mine. 27 was the one and only day allocated to do it. And best of all, I just had to be queuing behind this typical complainy Singaporean.

It was obvious he was in a foul mood, perspiring and in a huff. He began ranting and raving at the person-in-charge, who was preparing for his payment and stuff. He raised a ruckus, complaining that NTU was inflexible, that he had Q-ed for an hour over at the registration place, only to "find out" that he had to make payment first before going to register, peppering his whiny complaints with the occasional foul word like "...you guys are sibeh inflexible...why can't we just do registration then I come and do payment lah...what's wrong with it...etc etc" (excuse my language; I was just repeating what he said).

Hello, "what's wrong"? Yeah, what's right is that you, Mr Whiny, are wrong. What's wrong is that you failed to read instructions. It was written clearly in the letter that you have to make payment FIRST before proceeding for registration. It's not that fault that you didn't read instructions and made such a big boo-boo and caused such inconvenience to yourself. NTU's fault was accepting a graduate student like you into their programme, one who doesn't read instructions, and probably didn't deserve a spot in their programmes. What's more, after I had made my payment and went to the registration place, they had in fact, put up a notice outside, reminding students to make payment FIRST.

What's obvious is that dear Mr Whiny is either blind (didn't see the multiple reminders), poor comprehension (didn't understand what he was reading) or pompous (thinks he is exclusive and can get away without making payment first and hoping to do registeration). Mind you, Mr Whiny is a well-dressed Shenton-way executive ok, with shirt-pants-tie and the works. Probably in his mid-thirties. Can you blame Singapore girls for being demanding about the quality of Singapore men? Anyways, I told Jac I hope he isn't our classmate. Haha.

But well, through his ranting, I knew that there was a long Q ahead, so it wouldn't be possible that the registration will end at 4pm. Heh...that kinda made me feel a little better, a little mroe assured that I still can make it. Hee. I made payment and proceeded to the registration place, and I still managed to make it before 4. Not bad. =) Everything happens for a reason. I guess I ought to learn not to jump into a frenzy so soon, since everything is in his control. =) I mean, if I had reached earlier, I would have to wait anyway. Oh well...I guess it all ended well.

By the time I made my way home, it was nearing 6pm...not much of a half-day off right. Initially I thought I would have some time leftover to perhaps do some shopping or whatever, so as to make my half-day leave more worthwhile. But sigh. I was bushed when I got home; I went to nap for awhile, and woke up like 7+ then went for a short run.

Pauline actually asked me if I wanted to join her at Dbl O with her frens. She's on "vacation"...having just left her teaching job. Though I'm not sure if I'm envious of her or not. Heh. Oh well.

P/S - Countdown: Another 3 more days and my Mr J will be back *grin*

The Last Lap to 1 July

2007-06-25T02:00:00.000+08:00

I have this little rubber duckie that actually doubles up as a calendar. It has this little display section where I have to manually turn cubes of numbers everyday, to show the correct day and date. Kinda like winding a clock, except that I'm "winding" a calendar. And I just can't wait to wind it. I just can't wait for the days to turn faster, that I may just keep turning the days and dates till the 1 July. Sigh.

Yeah I know, it's the final week before the big day. But as I've said, the time just can't pass fast enough. And as we enter this "final" lap before the 1st, it's gonna be the hardest week to pass, ever. I just know it.

The pain of separation is the hardest to bear. Especially more so for a super-emo person like myself. It's not that I'm not grateful that he's coming back, albeit a short 2 weeks. Well he would be back for 4 weeks, but he'll be in Singapore only for first and last week. I know it will kill me when he flies off to the States during the 2nd week, especially when I'm just gonna spend a short 1 week with him before he goes off again. And after he comes back from the States 2 weeks later, he'll only have one last week here in Singapore before he goes back to Sydney.

THough he'll be back for a short four weeks, sorry, I mean two, it's gonna be a tightly-packed two weeks. There are days when we have already planned stuff, but overall, we haven't exactly planned a day-to-day itinerary of course, but we just know it's gonna be lotsa time spent together. *dreamy* I've actually applied for leave le...Hmm, coming to think of it, it's only 3 days. Maybe I ought to see if I can squeeze in more days. But anyways, you know what's the hateful thing? Time is just going to whizzed by during these first and last week, and crawl during the middle two weeks while he's away. -.- Well we all know how time crawls when you can't wait for it to pass (like now), and how uncooperative it is when you simply wished the whole world will come to a total standstill (time passes even faster). Don't we all know that already huh.

I know I will surely weep buckets when he has to fly back at the end of July. Gosh. I hate separations. I hate saying goodbyes, even for the short term. It's kinda like a short long-term, you know.

Looking ahead, it's another six months before he comes back for good. And the thought of that is frightening. But we told ourselves that we are just going to shift our focus on what's coming up in front of us, what's going to come up next for us. And take things as they come, welcoming each thing as they happen. Rather than thinking far till the end of the year, wishing that eveyrthing will be over faster. I mean, sure we do wish for that, but it's harder looking so far ahead now right?

So, to aid us, we've more or less have this 2nd half of 2007 mapped out. He'll fly back to Sydney at the end of July. Then it'll be two months of school for both of us, and I'll fly there for a short break in Sept. Then it's going to be a tough 3 months before he finishes his exams and graduates; and I'll probably fly there again in Dec and we'll do a short tour around before we come back to Singapore togther at the end of the year, him, for good. *smiles*

Short long-term - short because well, six months aren't exactly that bad, and considering we'll be seeing each other in between. We purposely planned it this way so that we won't have to go too long without seeing each other *grin* Well, and long term because, six months aren't exactly short too. Another six months without each other. Though perhaps, this later half of 2007 will be busier for me, and will keep me from letting my thoughts run wild. I had actually planned to fly there last week, to be with him while he tackles his exams. But well...work didn't allow me that luxury, so...SIGH

Coming to think of it, by the time he comes back, we would have not seen each other for four months. It's been a really tough four months. I hope there won't ever need be another such four months. Going as planned, like I'd said, the next foreseeable longest stretch would be that last three months at the end of the year. But undeniably, absence does make the heart grows fonder. I guess in a way, precisely coz it's been such a long and painful stretch...everything will be so much more worthwhile. As they say, good things don't come easy =) And honestly, I'm so looking forward to everything that's coming up this next half year...in fact, everything that will happen for us from now on.

AND...today is the last Monday before he gets back to Singapore. *Wide grin* I know it will be a really tough going this week...but I've just gotta hang in there...I've waited four months, what's another one more week right? Yeah...before I know it, it will be Sunday. Sunday afternoon...it'll all pass. IT WILL ALL PASS! *Grit teeth* Grrrrr....

PUH-LEEASE make the time spin faster?

2007-06-20T16:45:00.000+08:00

Time positively crawwwwls... *yawn*

What does it take for time to pass faster?! Day in, day out, I swear the hours and minutes just enjoy torturing me! For the first time, I'm so busy, yet the time ticks! What is this?!

Ok, sorry that I'm yelling. I just can't wait. Sigh. Countdown - another 11 days. Or how about you knocking me out cold for the next 11 days, and someone please wake me up on 1 July? *ponders* I think that's a mighty good suggestion.

ELEVEN freaking days!! Goshhhh.........Is there anyone I can bribe for this?

Wedding...

2007-06-17T17:10:00.000+08:00

Another batch of photos to put up. These were taken at Michael's wedding. Michael was one of the other boss at our old office, a real Mr Nice-Guy through and through. Not to add, smart too; a straight-A student, just as Mr Moses was. I remember one of the stories he told us before, when he was a student still. His parents never had to worry about him being too playful or not wanting to study. Correction, they had to worry that he was studying too much -.- Anyways, when he was studying for his O-levels (or was it A-Levels)...he tied himself to the chair while he was studying, to make sure he doesn't get distracted by the TV or stuff like that. Goodness me right...Hee...Well see, that's the difference between straight-A (like him) and mediocre students (yours truly) -.-

Michael and his bride, Meishan, had their matrimony in the daytime at the Art Museum. A sweet affair. They played a well-made video (by one of their church's IT guy) of all the happenings. Impressive. The dinner was full house, packed to the brim. Nothing fanciful, but a personal affair. But well, as you can see, we had our own little fun after it was all over. Haa...

As Moses put it, nice weddings like these does make you go aww...and puts that thought in you, about how romantic you want yours to be. The gown you want to wear, the songs you want to use, your family and friends witnessing your biggest moment in your life with you...Oh well, I ought to stop it *grin*

Some "trivia"...

2007-06-16T16:23:00.000+08:00

Some pictures to put up. Just one of the outings that took place recently. I nearly forgot to put these photos up until I happened to open up one of my infrequently-used thumbdrvs.

Marche, Vivocity

(Bottom left pic; L-R: Lena, Tricia, Lily, Charis, Tammi and Alicia)

Charis recently came back to temp with Moses during her vacation, and she decided to organise an outing with Tammi and Shirlyn, but Ms Shirlyn couldn't make it coz she was not feeling well. Tammi and Shirlyn used to work in the same office; and Tammi is actually my predecessor. We do such outings once in a while, basically when someone does the organisation. Heh. Moses left before I could make it there actually.

Joy and Happiness...leads to Contentment (part1)

2007-06-15T21:18:00.000+08:00

There are a thousand and one things I can say now...and yet, not be able to say. I just dunno where to start! Life's good now, everything is near-perfect =) Near, but not perfect yet (nothing can be ever perfect). I mean, of coz there are the things I can go on bitch about for days (money, work, ppl...etc) But I am almost contented. It's like, everything has started falling into place, and I can start being grateful for all that I have now. Or will have.

I graduated 3 yrs ago, found a job within the month despite the economy being down in the doldrums, and even though it's a small firm, the money sux...the job nature and most importantly, the ppl there more than make up for it. I guess I can safely say I love my boss, my boss loves me...and everyone else loves me =) I may not have a lot of dough, but in the least I make enough to give myself a comfortable life.

And as you would have known by now, I'll be embarking on a new challenge in two months' time - starting grad sch. I nearly wanted to use the phrase "starting on a new phase of my life"...but no, I think that doesn't really count. My life isn't going to undergo some overhaul because of that. Rather, my life will change because of the additional responsibilities I would have, that I would have to adapt to.

But I think what is and what will be life changing for me, is the new addition in my life. Strictly speaking, he isn't a new addition to my life. *grin* He's always been around me; friends we've been for close to ten years I think (when I was in JC1). Somehow, things just didn't happen..or rather, it was kinda like wrong person or wrong timing. I guess we've come a long way indeed. There were the wrong people in between, bad situations, etc. It's sorta like what many would have heard before, you are looking and searching, but the person has actually always been around you all this time. Yeah, that's it, something so simple, yet complicated by little twists of fates. But seems that everything has come full circle now. Life's funny like that, once you let go of the wheel, you just might end up right where you belong. And I guess I do feel that with him, he is where I belong.

These past 2 months or so has been life-changing for me...ok, too strong a word. Life-transforming. We both have developed rather fast, but positively, I would say. He was cautious...very, I should add. Or perhaps I should say I don't like to look at things too complicatedly. The world is complex as it is; it doesn't need any more input from me. But well, things remained that way.

Anyways to cut the story short, we had a sort of burst-up, and that's when he realised he shouldn't be making me sad anymore (he told me so...hee). I'm glad things turn out ok. It was kinda surreal in the beginning, coz the fate-twisting moments and the fairytale ending made everything seemed unbelievable. But well...it is happening. Has happened, actually.

Some very important things I've learnt. One - both must want this to work. Both must work together. We all know it takes two to clap, but how loud, how resounding is the applause? That depends on both parties now, doesn't it? How much strength you apply, how fast you bring you hand down, how you fashion your clap (I know this sounds kinda physics-y); it all makes a whole lot of difference. Simply said, it's the effort you want to, are willing to and WILL invest. Talk is cheap, but actions and speech goes together; neither can do without the other. You need to share your thoughts and do it.

The other thing I've learnt - Sharing. Sharing your thoughts, sharing your plans and ideals...basically, sharing your lives. It makes a whole lot of difference, and I appreciate that really a whole lot more because he isn't in Singapore (for now at least). It makes me understand the meaning and value of sharing. I guess that's the case with human beings; when things come easy, we tend to take things for granted.

But I do believe in one thing - what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. *smile* We've had our fair share of quarrels, some petty issues, some big arguments. But at the end of the day, there is an unspoken consensus; that these quarrels are a process for us to get to know each other better. It doesn't entail anything more than learning to understanding each other. Some people tend to see quarrels as a breaking point, that it is an indication of ill-fit. Granted, I'm not saying quarrels are ALL good. Everything must serve a purpose. You don't quarrel for the sake of arguing or winning an argument. At the end of the day, we must solve it, learn from it...or at least move on from it. Much as we feel like a perfect fit, like a glove to a hand, we are also still learning to accomodate each other in some areas. Tweaking and fine-tuning the works. And this is a never-ending learning process. Once you think you've got it all...then I guess it's time to start worrying. Because you can never get it all.

But of course...it helps quite a fair bit that he gives in to me *hee* or rather, he knows what makes me tick...the stuff that makes me melt and go all soft and gooey. Heh...He picks up fast. Haha...

I guess it's all about looking at the positive side of things. I'm probably the last person who has a right to talk about optimism. But hey, there are still things I know I should be positive about. And I'm learning still, to be less pessimistic.

I certainly don't mean to sound like a self-righteous guru now...you should realise that I'm just sharing some aspects of what I have personally gone through. Every person is unique, and that makes every relationship one of a kind too. I'm sure you've got your lessons to share, your stories to tell. I'm just sharing mine. =D but I guess I oughta stop now, in case I become too overbearing. I'll share more in Part 2...soon, hopefully =)

P/S: I've just realised that I took 2 weeks to write, finish and post this entry. Yes, hopefully the nx won't take as long...There are just thousand and one things I want to include la...heh

Tricia's Birthday click on photos to read captions

2007-06-04T23:37:00.000+08:00

Another new post of photos =) a picture paints a thousand words, aint it?
Haha...well I'm actually in the midst of writing a very long post, so it still is "in production". In the meantime, I shall just put some photos up to satisfy some bored souls while I try to get other entries in order. Amateur photoshopping, so no laughing allowed.

Photos

2007-05-31T23:20:00.000+08:00

Let me put up some long overdue photos before we kick off with any post...even the pictures are like "outdated" - 6mths ago. Wahaha...Enjoy. Yeah ok, nothing to enjoy. Just some egoistic, hastily photoshopped pictures. But well..whatever.

Boss brought us to the Il Lido Restaurant at the Sentosa Silosa Golf Course. In Moses' opinion, they are overpriced and the food is only so-so. But well, I thought it was quite alright. Maybe coz I'm not so picky. The food is expensive no doubt. But hoh...I miss the food now...heh

The things we do...hehe...

Yummilicious...

Now you don't see me, now you do!

Myriad of photos...

Playing with shadows...can be quite fun actually =)

Mondays Blu

2007-05-22T02:00:00.000+08:00

Have no idea why, but I found work a major chore today. Certainly a blue Monday. Dry, boring...time was an enemy, crawling and unyielding. To make matters worse, the mood was nothing less than tensed in office this morning. My boss was in a bad mood, my colleagues had different clients driving them up the wall. I was slightly luckier, escaping to an editorial meeting at the client's place, though it wasn't any much better, really. The boss wasn't exactly happy that we are waay behind schedule, honestly through no fault of ours.

Anyways, following that, I was treated to a simple but sumptuous fare of chinese fare. Hee...Then it was back to office to mug some more. Faced off with yet more tension in the office. Not amongst the office peeps, but with other silly people and stuff outside. At one point, I even had to muster all my will power to keep me from slumping over and dozing off. Super duper drowsy. And it certainly didn't help that the articles I was rushing were boring as hell. Actually it was a good thing that I don't have the clock anywhere within my view. In a way, it does help time to pass faster, especially the few hours in the afternoon. It didn't occur to me to look at my watch too. Heh. Still, in that state of half-drowsiness, half the time I wasn't sure what I was writing on too, so you can imagine the quality huh. I had to keep going back, vet and re-write the damn thing. Lotsa time wasted, no doubt.

Anyways, the "poem" appended below was written by Moses, when he was freshly graduated out of NUS. I've seen his results slip before, by the way, and his worst grade through all his uni years was the the grade A. Serious. A+ being the best grade, and grade A was the next best grade liao. Straight A student, I tell u. Shouldn't come as a surprise. The fella was an RI boy. Duh. Apart from being a boss here, he's also a part-time lecturer in NUS now.

Well watever. He went to work for HDB, and he wrote the poem out of boredom. Whatever he wrote about in the poem below was true. He was paid a handsome salary for doing nothing then. And so were some others. Wasting taxpayers' money rite. Well, he got restless of course. Quite funny, especially when you imagine that naive-innocent him pouring his soul out in that poem. The poem got passed around the department and even his boss saw it. But thankfully, he had alredy submitted his resignation when he wrote the poem, and before it got circulated (he wasn't the one who circulated it). It came back as an email to him. So the other day while we were packing up in our old office, he pulled this from his dust-collection and read it aloud. Haha..

HDB –
This is not the place for me
Read this further and you will see
The reason for my agony

When I finished varsity
I thought I had ability
Full of zeal, came here to be
An Estates Officer truly

But what I found here certainly
Caused me to lose my energy
All I have to do only
Is to go and photocopy

This I do reluctantly
Until my boss showed sympathy
He gave me a different job completely
Guess what? Make transparency

Always when I feel lazy
Wish to be alone and have some tea
Boss would say so suddenly
“The projector, quick, carry!”

Projector, projector, you’re heavy
Who can I complain to, but thee
This, after all, is not easy
And where, oh where, is my destiny

My friends told me that I’m lucky
To find a job so quickly
A job that has security
With lots and lots of good money

But this is not what I want to be
What can I do?...Poor me
Have to accept this penalty
A victim of the economy

But while I’m here in HDB
I’ll try my best and be happy
I know one day when I look back and see
There was a purpose there for me
- A Relief Estates Officer

Chasing Shadows

2007-05-20T23:28:00.000+08:00

Those times when I go running...My shadow is short and stout - a fear that I hope will never materialise ever again. Other times it becomes elongated - one of the few times I see myself "become" tall. Sometimes I'm ahead of my shadow, other times I'm tailing it, seemingly leading the way.

I took a different route today on the 'back' journey. I was running beside the road most of the time, and whenever I took in my periodic big gasp of air, all it smelt was bad air, bad exhaust air. What can you expect, you asked. Yeah I know that. But it seemed especially bad today. At times when the run got a little droning, I looked down at my feet. The mundane yet steady thump seemed to have a life of their own. But it did help looking at my own feet. I couldn't believe that was how "fast" I was managing. I ran faster.

Today's run started out hot and bothersome. The weather was humid, not a single whisper of wind. But the perspiration didn't come till some 10min later. Was I not running hard enough? I told myself since I had done my run yesterday, today was a bonus. I shall allow myself to do half the distance instead. But no matter what, the sticky weather did get to me. I was ready to give up the run many times during the run. Perhaps was my laziness.

Well I did turn back half way into the journey. And this time, on the way back, I was reminded why I like running at nite. The breeze did come this time, and a good gust too. And it couldn't have come at a better timing - when I was running down-slope. Perfect!

The rush of wind against your warm cheeks, perspiring body, tired soul, just seemed to do wonders to your overall being. It added that additional boost of adrenaline rush, makes you want to go faster, continue running and not have to stop.

Honestly? I wasn't as satisfied with the half-hearted run I did today. But at least I got reminded why I still want to run. And no doubt about it; every run does its wonder for me still. Still feels good =)

I gave myself a good treat in the shower just now. No why, just felt like it. I used my rarely-used strawberry exfoliating body polish and used a luxurious portion to give myself a good scrub down. I gave my damaged hair a good treat again by conditioning it (yeah I know, I ought to do that more often). Now I'm all clean and perfect-smelling. Strawberries! Now where's the cream? Hee...

strangers are just family you have yet to come to know

2007-05-14T22:13:00.000+08:00

All ending are beginnings. We just don't know it at the time. On hindsight, if you had realised that, would you have seen things differently? Would you have done things differently?

If you had the chance, just one chance, to go back and fix what you did wrong in life, would you take it? And if you did, would you be big enough to stand it? By then, would you still want it?

Sacrifice, you made one. I made one. We all make them. But you are angry over yours. You kept thinking about what you lost… You didn’t get it. Sacrifice is a part of life. It’s supposed to be. It’s not something you regret. It’s something to aspire to. Little sacrifices. Big sacrifices. A mother works so her son can go to school. A daughter moves home to care of her sick father. I give up something so that someone else can be happy...or happier.

Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you’re not really losing it. You’re just passing it on to someone else.

People say they “find” love, as if it were an object hidden by a rock. But love takes many forms, and it is never the same for any man and woman. What people find then is a certain love. Love, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy. But sometimes, under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to its roots, keeping itself alive.

Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nuture it. You hold it. You dance with it.

Life has to end. Love doesn’t. Really? Yeah, love doesn't have to end. But when one chooses to end it, that is different. That, is a choice you choose to make.

Case in point; an excerpt. Doesn't matter it's fictional:

“Your grandfather and I met when I was working at restaurant as a dish-washer. He was the cook of the restaurant. When we saw each other, we knew it was love at first sight. He kept staring at me while he was cooking and I could not concentrate on my washing. I stole quick glances of him, amazed by his awesome cooking skills and his good looks. By the fifth day of my work, he asked me out. I did not reject. And so we went to a park and chatted about almost everything under the sun."

I tried to recollect memories of my grandfather. It was then that I realized I had never seen him before: He died before I was born. However, in my mind now, I was painting a picture of him: A young and handsome man who knew how to turn an uncooked egg into an omelette.

"We went on a few more dates. Unknowingly, we started holding hands. And as we continued dating, our love for each other grew so much that a day apart was intolerable. Whenever I woke up, I would wonder what he was doing. Whenever I walked to work, I would wonder if he was doing the same thing. If there were handphones during my time, I would have called him every single minute. Then one day, he brought me to a forest. Although I declined, he insisted. So we went into the dark forest, carrying only lighted candles. Suddenly, he disappeared. I panicked and nearly fainted, but he suddenly reappeared with a ring on his hand. He kneeled before me and proposed to me. How could I have rejected? How could I have rejected such an offer? I cried on the spot, and within ten days, we were officially husband and wife."

I realized that everyone had a story to tell: The auntie selling fish soup may have the most romantic love story; my old and stubborn Literature lecturer Mrs Goh may have the most tragic story to tell. Yet I always pondered on the poignancy of my own story, as if my story superseded all of theirs. Our relationship was as strong as a rock during our first few years of marriage. But everything soon changed. We began to drift apart. We seldom talked. There was just no reason for this rift.”

“You didn’t love him anymore?” I asked, curious. My grandmother did not answer me. She sighed, and then continued, “I thought of divorce. But during my time, divorce was a taboo. We continued living together, exchanging less than a few words a day. And as a tradition, we had to bear a child for our parents. And so your mother is born. Even with the addition of a new member in the family, we still behaved like strangers. Your mother, angry with us for not giving her a good family, married off when she was just seventeen. And when I was fifty, I decided to move out. I lived alone here for five years, until your grandfather called me. He said he didn’t have much time left. So I went to the hospital. Your grandfather asked me a question that made me think a lot: ‘Have you loved me throughout our marriage?’ I was lost for words. I spent the entire day thinking. And when I finally said yes, we hugged. Since then, I began visiting him in the hospital for his remaining days. He said something the day before he died which touched me very deeply: ‘I’ve been the happiest man in the world for two times: The first time is when you agreed to marry me, and the second time is when you said you had always loved me throughout our marriage. Because I have loved you all this while as well, but I just didn’t dare to say it.’"

My grandmother smiled when she finished her story. I knew that the memories of her dead husband were replaying in her mind.

“Your grandfather was smiling when he died. Doesn’t matter how long we live as long as we live with a smile on our face.”

No life is a waste. The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone.

2007-05-13T12:56:00.000+08:00

It's Mother's Day today...Happy Mother's Day to one and all. Guess this would be applicable to my mom, my grandmom, and even my two sisters. Haha..anyways..still a little heady from the wine last nite. In fact, I just woke up awhile ago. From the Passito range, sweet wine. But man, it was rather strong. Thankfully the rashes were not as bad today. Heh...So I shall just load some pictures; taken during CNY (yeah I know I always lag abit). We went to Moses' place for dinner on a weekday after work. People who were there: Moses, Michael, Tricia, Lily, Angela, Amy, Isabel and myself. Sophia would have been there too, if not for the fact that she was far away in the US. Anyways, not a bad turn-out actually. I look fat don't I?! Heh. Enjoy.

Fulfilling Dreams...

2007-05-12T00:35:00.001+08:00

...and I'm on my way to fulfil one of my (many) dreams!

Just two days ago, I received the letter of offer from NTU for, yes! admission to the Masters in Mass Communication! Yayy!

It didn't really hit me initially, until last night, when I logged on to the NTU website to officially accept the offer, and to do the first bit of the administrative stuff. And this morning, I went online to suss out the various modules, that's when I began to get excited and hyped up.

Much as I had reservations in the beginning, wondering if I can cope working and studying at the same time (I still do have these concerns), I seriously hope I can be more motivated about this Master Course. On hindsight, I somehow had the feeling that I'm hoping to "right the wrong" I did myself when I was doing my degree in NUS. Perhaps I see it as a second chance sort. If it takes one wrong to make me wake up and smell the coffee, then so be it, I'm glad for this second opportunity. But you know me...my talk is pricier than my actions. I know what's right and to be done, but sometimes, doing it is a whole new game. I really need to stay focused and motivated. I'm not saying I'll shine and be a top student or something, but I really hope I won't mess up this time. I seriously hope it won't take like two or three wrongs to really get down to the right thing. *cross my fingers fervently*

When I was in secondary school, I knew I was going to University. Even when I was in JC, when my results sux big-time, I knew I was going to make it to University. And once again, when my results sux big-time in University, I was focused on getting a job in the industry I desired, doing the job I want. I had figured out what and where my interests lie when I was awaiting matriculation in University. And once I graduated, I told myself I would want to further my education. I don't wish to stop at just a degree. As in, I had intentions to further my grasp of the media industry and/or acquire knowledge in other fields, such as law or linguistics or something related to political sci. So that would materialise in the likes of a Master, or Degree in some non-related field. I was actually still procrastinating about studying, and worrying about studying, and uncertain if I should submit that application.

Well I guess Jac was the one who nudged me to it. Good news is, yeah, we'r going to be classmates! THough it's too early to tell if we'r going to do all same modules (unlikely I think, but at least 90% perhaps?), but I'm glad at least there's someone who can motivate me along. At least we can mug together when it's exam period huh? Haha...

It's interesting how things came to be between Jac and myself. Back-date to two years ago, I'd never imagine that I would become good friends with her; and I'd rather die than even be near her...much lest to study with her. I thought she was b*tchy and mean. She works for one orgn that's actually a client I'm servicing. Which effectively makes her my client too. Totally unimaginable that we are would-be classmates. A lot of stuff happened in between, but anyways, I'm glad we are firm friends now. Can't say best friends, but I know I can count on her for a lot of things. For one thing, she's seen more of the society, and there are certainly stuff I can learn from her. She's like an elder sis who can guide me, and I'm really thankful for that. I just hope we won't turn too competitive studying together. Heh...In Isabel's words: "Oh no, are you both going to start comparing scores then turn foe?" Haha..that would be interesting if it happened. I mean, imagine we doing our classes together, arguing or something, and the next day we would still have to do work-related discussions. Hilarious. But yeah, I know both of us should be mature enough not to let that happen.

I still am worried about working and studying at the same time. Imagine working the whole day through, rushing off for classes till night, going home to do assignments, having to research for projects, mug for exams, and all the time working in the day-time. Or cover events at that. Or bringing work home to do. Gosh. What's ironic? I'm scaring myself with the reality again. Very real indeed. I'm especially concerned about feeling exhausted and burnt-out. But I know I'm strong enough psychologically to overcome any initial stress. I'll probably just have to cry it out is all. Heh. Well I guess I just have to grin and bear it through somehow. There must be a way through. I can't worry too much too huh.

Which was what I told Fen last night too, when she was voicing her concerns about studying and working at the same time. She said she had intentions to do an MBA too, but was worried about juggling work and studies, especially when work is heavy. I told her I had the exact concerns then & now too of course. In fact, everyone has the same worries. She had a lot of what ifs (me too), to which I told her, "If you are going to factor in the unforeseeables too, then one can never worry enough." Wise words, no? That was what my 2nd sister told me too, when I first told her I had intentions to do my Masters. SHe was patient to begin with, when I told her my concerns...but when it got a little out of hand (you know how insecure I am, and how I tend to 'think' too much), she got impatient and said something to that effect. And that sort of gave me a "ding!" hahaha...ok, hopefully with that in mind, I can hang in there and go through this would-be tough but enriching period. Anyhoo, I know I'll have a lot of people to lean on for support anytime I need. Especially you =) I know you'll be there for me...and I really appreciate that.

This year is an "education" year for my office. Isabel is currently doing her SOT (Sch of Theology), though she will be done by Sept; Tricia has enrolled in a three-year Biz Degree Course at UniSIM, and her school will start in July; then of course there's myself, starting my Masters in August. Good, then we shall all piah together during the tough exam times. Imagine all of us stressed together, but encouraging and egging each other on. =)

I haven't told my boss of my acceptance as yet. I would need to work out an alternative work schedule with her too. My classes will start at 630pm at NTU, and my official hours end at 6. I would need to set aside 1.5hrs at least for travel, which means I would need to leave office at 5. I'm not sure how we can work things out, but I definitely have to talk to Cindy about it. Oh well, that'll probably have to wait till I've confirmed what modules I'm taking, and therefore how many days a week I'll be going for classes.

Guess my mom's reaction when I told her about this news? Well she was thrilled of course, but puzzled why I opt for part time instead of doing this full time. Duh. I'm no ah siah kia loh. Hahaha.

Okie, time for bed. I've gotta cover an event tomr morning. Imagine, having to travel from my home in almost-extreme west, to extreme east (Downtown East) by 9am. -.- I'm terrified of over-sleeping or worse, waking up to realise it's alredy 10am. *!!!* To bed now!

Mindless Entry...but who cares!

2007-05-07T02:41:00.000+08:00

And so the weekend has drawn to a close. And I didn't do any work despite lugging a crap-load back. Sigh. Yeah I know...I could very well be spending this time doing my work than blogging here. Not that I have anything to update on...But I am in the mood to just blog an entry tonite. Never mind that it's probably going to be a mindless one.

My 2 sisters n their families, my bro and myself went Qian Hu today in 2 cars, with the intent to get a new tank. Our original medium-sized tank which houses 2 lionhead-goldfishes (not sure if I got it right...not a huge fish fan), 2 parrot fishes, 10 gardinals and a lobster turned into a fighting ground. One of the parrot fishes is one helluva of a naughty creature, chasing the lobster, biting the goldfish...so my bro decided to get another tank, one to house the 'tame' ones (goldfish, tetras) and the other to house the tiger barbs, lobster and parrot fishes. But well, u've guessed it, we left Qian Hu with 3 more parrot fishes, and headed to Kahtib for a new tank. And from there, we went home with 2 more puffer fishes, 10 neon tetras and 2 'autos' (something that eats rubbish). And a big tank. Ha...We very nearly wanted to buy the 'Red Crystal', which is a type of small prawns, very nice-looking ones. But coz we've got to have sufficient grass in the tank first, not to mention a proper tank to house the prawns. At present, either of our tanks can't take the prawns...they'll prob be killed by either. Hehe..oh well...

Anyways, we set up both tanks and voila! The fishes are in. Probably shouldn't have new additions for the time being. I would love to have the prawns actually. Hehe..I thnk so far, both my bro and bro-in-law would have spent some hundreds on the fishes, tanks and the works. Goodness...hehe. An expensive hobby.

I've certainly got the blues now...Monday blues. Mainly coz of the tonnes of things I'm supposed to finish. I hate to remember, but I just can't help recalling it. Damn. I guess that's the way things are...You lose the things, the gd memories you hold dear so easily, but you just can't seem to shake off the bad stuff. Hmm..think I think too much now. Ok, I better head to bed now, since I don't intend to do any work. Rather try going into office erlier tomr then, and have an erly start. If I do manage to wake on time that is. Heh.

The Past Week...

2007-05-05T03:42:00.000+08:00

Yeah, 'tomorrow' didn't happen...hehe...

Well, it's been a pretty eventful week...busy at work, lotsa things happening at the side...but I'm glad to say that most things did end up on a relatively good note. Phew.

We shifted office on Monday, packing in the final stuff in the old office and moving over to the new office with all our stuff (with the help of movers of course). We began unpacking and tidying the new place, fixing up DIY add-on pieces of furniture (yeah IKEA), sorting out stuff and deciding what goes where, that I left office at 3 in the morning. And we were probably only 60% through then only. My boss sent me home. I was dogged tired, bleary eyed, and my knees, shins, thighs, calves etc, were like a battered warzone - I spotted bruises and wounds everywhere. Super ugly. Sigh. I jabbed myself with the screwdriver, I knocked and bumped against shelves...stuff like that. No choice...I guess that's how things are with shifting.

Thank God we didn't have to cover any event on May Day this year. Traditionally that's one of the more important event days in our calendar. I went bowling with my siblings and their spouses! Been yeons since I had last bowled..and to begin with, I can't bowl for nuts. Shameful to say, I've never bowled beyond 50 points. Seriously! Until that day that is...hehe...I bowled a total of 105 points in the first game! Nothing to be proud of, I'm sure, but for someone who used to average 30s, this is an achievement! Someone give me a trophy! Haha...

Well, I guess what's nice is that my eldest sis and bro-in-law could come along this time. My eldest sis usually can't bear to leave her daughter my niece at home with the maid, so very often, it's usually me, bro and second sis & bro-in-law who go on ktv and movie trips, etc. We bowled, went for dinner, then went to look at fishes and the works.

You see, my dear bro went to buy a small fish tank with 4 tiger barbs on Sat. My eldest niece loves to look at fishes, so my bro thought to get a simple aquarium for her. Thing is, he forgot to leave some water overnight for the tank, so when he came bck on Sat morning with the fishes, he plonked them into the tank directly and added some table salt to 'de-chlorinate' the water. However, the fishes began to turn belly-up barely three minutes in the water. We panicked, and my heart seriously ached when I saw them turn belly-up one by one. I almost had to scream at my bro to get going bck to the shop to get the medicine or watever to 'de-chlorinate' the water. THankfully, however, we decided to go to one of my aunts' place, which was about 5min drive away, to get some 'fish water' from her first. My uncle is an avid fish lover and they have 3 big tanks and 1 medium-sized tank at home. We got half a pail of water from them, and my aunt also passed us a bottle of 'coarse salt' (think it's sea-salt or something..I'm not exactly an expert in this). She told us to add a spatula of this salt into the overnight water each time we change the tank's water...and reminded us not to use normal salt. -.- Yeah...my dear bro so smart right. To think he reared fishes back in his Aussie days. Well apparently, I think the water in my area is super 'chlorinated' loh...Imagine, even after boiling, we could still taste a distinct taste of chlorine. So think about how toxic this would be for the fishes. I guess the water in Aust isn't as 'chlorinated' as the water in Spore. My bro said all he had to do was to leave overnight water is all. He had no need for anything to 'de-chlorinate' the water. Anyways, we rushed back, and the fishes were still alive! Thankfully! Some hardy fishes they are...heh

Well, of course, not everything is nice and rosy. For one, I had a super headache time chasing both Singtel and PacNet to fix the internet problem at my new office. No such luck. Sigh. Had some unpleasant episodes with regards to other matters and issues, but I'm glad that those are ironed out...more or less at least.

Weekend is finally here, though there's still work to be done. I've been deprived of shopping for too long. The itch is coming back soon. Hehe..I'm tempted to do some shopping first in the afternoon before going over to my second sis' place. Last Sat I travelled some 1.5hrs from my home to my second sis' place to go jogging with her. I'll be doing just that again tomr. Otherwise there wouldn't be anyone running with her. She was telling me how upset she was to have different ppl telling her she's put on weight, etc. Her own mother even asked if she were pregnant again. Duh. Such a nice lil' sis I am. Ahem. Hehehe...

It's 330 in the morning, and I'm craving for food...and sinful stuff at that. Chicken wings...ice-cream...French fries...Hmmmmm....

But I think my beauty sleep is more important. I only had 3 hrs of sleep last night. Yawn.

Till Tomorrow...

2007-05-03T01:34:00.000+08:00

I honestly intended to blog a quick entry before I go to bed...I swear!

But well...it's nearly 2am now and I really ought to be in bed. I slept at like 3am last night (or should I say this morning) and I was up about 7...nearly killed me. So yeah, forgive me. We'll try again tomr =)

Short Trip

2007-04-30T01:24:00.000+08:00

Just came back from a short trip on weds...went on a 4D3N cruise with my parents and bro, to Phuket and Langkawi. Call me ungrateful, but erm, that trip sort of reminded me why I have always preferred to go on 'real' holidays with proper destinations than spending days on a vessel then going on land trips to places. Heh...I'm ashamed to say this, but the trip was 95% paid for by dad, including the spending $..hee. The last 5%? Well...some cash I changed into Thai Baht and Ringgit thats all.

My parents had a short break away from work, that explains why they could go away. They actually had to put in long hours for that silly business..imagine having to work the whole yr through, and the only rest you can have is the first 2 days of CNY...and the rare off days that probably happens only once every couple of months. Anyways, enough of that. Point is, nonetheless, it was still a good break. Well...I just came back from Phuket last August. Nice place to go to, but this time, the company I had wasn't right. Langkawi? Well...it's a super sleepy town. Boring, to say the least. As I've told everyone by now, the most strenuous profession on that island is probably the cashiers working in the mall (if you call that a mall, that is). But you know...it's kinda sad too, if you think about it. Imagine someone your age, running a coffee shop for the rest of your life, not having seen the world or done anything more than that. I dunno...I just find that kinda sad. Life is definitely more than that, yet these folks won't know life beyond what they are living now. Oh well. At least they are their own boss? Ha...

Tomoro is the day when we'll move office. It was a super bad, unfortunate, unlucky, suay, whatever-you-call-it Friday that day. Anything that could possibly go wrong did go wrong. Anyways, I don't want to be reminded of that day. More like black Friday. And this week is a crucial week, with the moving, the logistics that have got to be in place and running...man, that's enough to kill me. Not to mention the work that I'm supposed to submit loh. Still haven't got orders for work on labour day (yeah it's a holiday...tell me about it). Hopefully we'll be let off this year. Arghh. Enuff said.

I haven't touched my work one bit, even though I lugged home the whole batch. Went out on Sat, and spent whole of Sunday (today) packing my table. Remnants of my house-moving almost 2 months back. Yeah, I was waiting this whole time for the last bit of the furniture-puzzle to come in before I can unpack the last 5 boxes of my stuff. Hey it isn't easy alrite? I moved from a smaller to bigger house, but bigger to smaller room. Sigh...tell me about it.

I had to do selection of what goes where, where to chuck the others...well I guess my room can be considered completed...but not my table. Whatever that's supposed to go on my table is chucked on my table...a heap of mountain. Will only get to do it on Tues, if I don't have to work. Otherwise, have to wait till next weekend...AND I simply hate having things not in order, messy and all. Urghh..

All that packing has left me sleepy. Perhaps it's the late night I've been keeping too. *yawn* Feel like a hungry ghost today..dunno why. I've been eating non-stop this whole day...gosh. It's nearly 2am..I oughta go to bed soon...Otherwise the Monday will be real blue tomoro. Or should I say today. Anyways...I've got lotsa photos to put up...but I'm a little lethargic to deal with them now. So I shall put up some first.

Just some random pictures that I took with Isabel that day when we were working late. Boredom took over, that's why. Haha...

It Hurts

2007-04-28T01:11:00.000+08:00

Why am I so infuriated? Why am I so upset? Is it your indifference? Is it your impatience?

Why is it that I always feel that you don't care enough? That you treat others better than how you treat me. That no matter what, I always feel secondary. I always wonder about how different the situation would be had you remained in spore...about how some others will always take precedence over me...about how others will always have priority of your time.

For some reason, I can sense your holding back. Perhaps it's reasons I alredy know about. Or more unknown, unexplained ones. And I hold back too. I don't dare to give, because I'm afraid of the hurt. But you know what? It already hurts.

Is it my own insecurity? Perhaps. I do not know. What I do know is the hurt. And exhaustion will eventually follow. Because everything is in limbo, it's tiring to wait in the unknown, for the unknown. You know how it's like; you were there once. At times, I wonder your way of doing things, your way of rationalising the situation. That's fine, since you reckon you know yourself best and what it is that you want. But there are times when I wonder what I am doing...blindly.

Some photos...

2007-04-16T02:26:00.000+08:00

It's exasperating how sometimes when you want something so much, and yet you don't get it, or it doesn't happen...And just when you don't expect anything, something creeps up..and sometimes not one, but two, or even three at that. And you end up being at a loss, not sure what to do next, unsure if your next decision would be a right one. Anyways, I'm just grousing.

I went to cover an event yesterday (Sat) at PSA club. It was organised for the Myanmese, who were actually celebrating their new year. But woah...it was a super duper testorone-charged event loh...I was like, the 1% female amongst the 99% males there. There were hundreds of them...thankfully, they arent really out of hand or anything. They were quite polite in fact.

Anyways, the event ended late. I was supposed to join Pauline at her club for some steam spa thingy at about 6, but by the time I reached home to drop the camera first (can't expect me to lug that bulky & expensive thing around), it was already 730. I only had enuff time to freshen up a little before going out again to meet her. And knowing her, she had another female fren with her. SHe likes to bring her different groups of frens together, which is perfectly fine with me, so long as her frens are nice and not snobbish or wicked u noe...so far, her frens are really nice ppl. =) The last time we went St James, she invited her fren, who brought her boyfriend, who went there to meet another group of 10. Haha.

Well anyways, this time, her fren invited another of her fren along too. By the time we met, it was almost 10, and we went for dinner. And on the spur of the moment, we went ktv after that. Now, because Im a bad singer, I'm shy to sing in front of ppl, unless its the usual grp of ppl Im used to, aka, office ppl; siblings..

So yesterday was the first time I actually went ktv with a new group...a small, but 'stranger' group. And they all have good voices loh..sigh. So well...I had the feeling that there was an intention that Joscelyn, Pauline's fren, brought her fren (name's Fabian) along to matchmake him or something. And I became their target, which was really strange! I mean...ok, Joscelyn is a really super nice girl, and though I could get along with her as if we were like old pals, fact is, I had only known her like 4hrs at best? Haha..so it's kinda funny to have a 'stranger' matchmake me and her fren. Kinda amusing actually, I must say. Heh...

I had a little 'scare' the last time I went out with Pauline. It was supposed to be movie date for both of us, but she ended up bringing a male fren along. Knowing my good fren, I was rather sure she brought him out to let me 'assess'. Her male fren (Kevin) brought his guy fren along, and it ended up a double date. -.- WHich is perfectly alright with me, really. So of course, I grilled her and she told me she does fancy this guy, but she's getting mixed signals from him. Hmm...

The real 'scare' was not the double date, obviously. It was what happened after that. The next time I met up with Pauline for dinner, (a couple of days later), I asked her for her low-down on Kevin (which she hadn't told me as yet). And after her story, she told me what transpassed between the two of them when they met up for an event the next day after the movie. Basically, he asked her about me, and the stuff we do. *!!!* I felt so super bad, u noe! At one point, she even thought he was going to ask her for my number. Gracious me...I was so scared that she would befriend me or something. I assured her that he was probably being polite about asking the stuff we did together. For all we know, he actually is after info about her or her lifestyle, yeah? Of course, I didnt give her unnecessary false hopes too. It was also based on the other stuff that she told me earlier.

Anyways...she assured me that she wouldn't fall out with me over a guy, unless of course, I did stuff on purpose. SHe would, in fact, be thankful that she knew whether the guy was interested in her or otherwise. Of course she would be broken-hearted too. I just hope she wouldn't think I'm out to snatch guys with her or something...and her guy at that...Oh well.

Anyways...some long overdue photos. More in the process of editing...but here are some first. Notice how we are all in black? Well it's coincidental =)

Not sure if I had mentioned before that I bruise super easily? Well, this outing was the time when I went home to discover two mysterious fingerprint bruises on my arm. As you would see from the pictures, I was wearing long-sleeved blouse, so I didnt know about the bruises till I got home and was in the shower. I was cold right down to the core upon noticing it. I was sure nobody had grabbed me or anything. *shudder* heh...

Crappy Day

2007-04-10T21:56:00.000+08:00

I decided to go off early today instead of staying behind in office. Isabel was going for some visitation while Sophia went to get a hair cut. So well...I initially intended to come bck erly and go for a run, but coz it was raining like animals at my workplace, that sort of put a damper on the running motivation. Yeah I noe..probably an excuse. So I decided to re-route and head to my doc instead and pick up my medicine that he owed me the last time coz he didn't have stock. Yeah I know, kinda duh rite...

Well anyways, I went to the doc, pick up my med (had a short chat with him) and discovered to my horror that I may be putting on weight *gasp* Sigh...that's what 2 weeks of laziness (never go run) and mindless downing of food and tidbits do to ya. Ok, I have another try tomr after work, to come home erly again and go do my run. But you know...after work is kinda tiring already. So...I guess we'll see. Heh...

Lately I've been awfully tired...and easily tired too (dunno issit due to my not exercising sufficiently). Last nite was a gd example. But the damn thing is, when I plonk myself down in bed (it's 2am already), I just couldn't catch a wink. I tossed and turned in bed till 2+ or 3 I think, and I finally fell asleep (you know how you will know you are dreaming or sleeping, yeah?). But before I knew it, I was awake again, the time was 4+..and I didn't fall alseep again till 5+. Super sickening. So there you have it...I woke up a darker-than-usual-rings panda.

I went into office super tired and sleepy...and guess what? The stupid aircon chose to break down today -.- it was spewing hot air loh...and it was uber stuffy inside (coupled with the hot temperature outdoors), that all of us were so irritable. Rising temperatures literally. Kinda like a slow cooker man. At one point my oxygen-starved brain was ready to give up that I felt so faint and was ready to throw up...really can't stand it. And I went to take refuge in my boss' room (her room's aircon was working beautifully). The repairman came in at 4+ only loh...by then I think we were half stewed already. Best thing is, this isn't the first time the aircon died on us. It's been repaired countless times these couple of months. The aircon repair guys simple sux man. Everytime I see them come in, pump gas, fix a bolt here and there and that's it. And the aircon breaks down. And the cycle repeats. C'mon...they aren't addressing the problem loh. I'm like, whatever happened to 对正下药 huh? Anyway, they basically charge each time they come loh...isn't it their responsibility to ensure that they eradicate the problem huh? Pissed.

Hmm by the way, my dad has got another person to come in and do a quotation for my table. This time, the guy (his own business, has a factory) came down and took the measurements and gave a quote on the spot. He's a nice middle aged guy, gentle and kindly..AND his quote was waaay cheaper than the other fellow loh, who probably sub out to someone else (thus the mark-up). The other guy quoted 1200 (siao) and this elderly boss gave me a quote of half of that sum. Big diff huh...luckily wasn't stupid enuff to be swindled. But of course, I still have my reservations that the table may turn out to be sub-standard...but sigh...just have to hope for the best liao.

Somehow I seem to be in this brooding, sulky mood...don't feel like talking to anyone. Kinda like ostracising myself. Oh well...mabbe I ought to go to bed early today. After I'm done with this batch of photos...soon enough will be able to post up neh. Yayy.

Nothing much...

2007-04-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

I'm pretty sure you would have noticed how things are more fun when done together with your friends, how humour is more hearty, more pronounced when you laugh with your friends...even food tastes better when you share them...warm and gratifying.

Im not sure how it is with guys, but we girls are generally ok about sharing food, sharing drinks, sharing desserts. Sometimes it's not about saving money or so that we can have a variety of choice by sharing food, but well...food just tastes better I guess.

It's the same ol' McFlurry ice-cream...but shared by three gluttons - Sophia, Isabel and myself. Hee..I must say the ice-cream tasted exceptionally good. Initially when Isabel suggested to share ice-cream, we thought she was refering to the 50c cone ice-cream. Haha..well, that would be a little erm...icky to share isn't it.

Well, we are barely out of a busy period when the next one is already descending on us. What's more, with effect from next week, Isabel will be going for her 3-mth bible studies, and in the meantime, she will be converting to part-time status. Sigh..means we will have to contend with pile-ups and tighter work deadlines. I don't think Sophia can help much, coz she would have alot of her own stuff to handle. Sigh.

Today was rather bad in office...everything was rush and urgent and demanded attention. I had a migrane so bad, a really pounding one, that it felt as though someone, or something was pressing down on the right lobe of my brain. i felt so weak that it was as though I would pass out any moment. It's strange, coz much as I've had migranes before, but none was really as bad as this one. It was a good thing I was in an ok mood today. Haha..otherwise I probably would not have been as patient with the clients. Anyways, I think it's nothing much. I attribute it to the unhealthy lifestyle I'm leading these past 2 weeks. I've been procrastinating and have not run for the past 2 weekends alredy. Heh..

Ok, guess I ought to put up some pictures real soon to liven up this blog. If not it looks a little dull and complain-y. Heh..I've got loads of pictures, untreated still. Hmm..I ought to get down to it soon.

Dedicated to you...

2007-04-08T14:02:00.000+08:00

...for the man you want to be, for the man you almost are...

She'll let you in her house

If you come knockin' late at night

She'll let you in her mouth

If the words you say are right

If you pay the price

She'll let you deep inside

But there's a secret garden she hides

She'll let you in her car

To go drivin' round

She'll let you into the parts of herself

That'll bring you down

She'll let you in her heart

If you've got a hammer and a vise

But into her secret garden

don't think twice

You've gone a million miles

How far you'd get

To that place where you can't remember

And you can't forget

She'll lead you down a path

There'll be tenderness in the air

She'll let you come just far enough

So you'd know she's really there

She'll look at you and smile

And her eyes will say

She's got a secret garden

Where everything you want

Where everything you need

Will always stay

A million miles away

Roadblock...

2007-04-07T00:45:00.000+08:00

Hmm..it seems that lately I have been posting rather depressing stuff only...guess I'm too influenced by all that's happening around me lately...which isn't a gd thing, is it...Means I get overly affected le...

But really, there doesn't seem much happy things I can talk about (means don't have, not that I don't want to talk about them). I'm facing alot of backlog at work; I found out some stuff abt an issue that has been bugging me for the longest time, tt seem to suggest tt I may just end up upset and depressed when the issue comes to a closure (yeah, it's only a deduction on my part, but still...mabbe it's intuition?); I'm losing interest in my own life...as in, I don't find as much pleasure in alot of things anymore, even in things I used to love or enjoy alot...Nothing seems to have any taste...yet I find my life mundane and boring. Contradiction, I know.

It's kinda like, I've lost purpose, lost drive. Instead of looking forward to gd things happening, I seem to be dreading things...ok granted, perhaps it's coz things hvnt been going my way, that I no longer want to look forward to anythg. Ok, maybe I'm just being too negative here. Technically, nothing bad really happen..nothing to warrant a "Black Friday" terminology, but neither is there anything good to boast about. It's like, something isn't right, but you just can't pinpoint what it is. And it's bugging the hell out of me. Sigh.

Damn...I really need some good news to give me that boost, that extra perk...if not I think my life may just spiral downwards. Out of control even. I hope help will arrive...I dunno what sort, but......soon.

Just a random thought...

2007-04-03T19:13:00.000+08:00

Ever seen something so fantastic, so great, so breath-taking, that you just want to share it with someone, anyone? I'm sure we all have..and it's times like these that words fail you. Try as you may, you can never adequately describe the beauty of what you have seen. Your friends are just left in want of what you have seen, while you, on the other hand, can only be exasperated by the blank/confused looks on their faces.

Or sometimes the simplest things touch you, and yet words are just simply beyond you. It's literally "Beauty in the eyes of the beholder" - only if you have seen it for yourself can you truly, totally appreciate its significance. And yes, you simply wished the other person is able to see it for himself. It is possible in some situations; while some moments, once gone is gone. The magic of that one unique moment cannot be re-enacted or replayed.

=( | -.- |

2007-04-02T00:30:00.000+08:00

Aren't there times when you wish you could read someone's mind? Know what's going on in their minds, know what exactly they are thinking...no guessing, no mind-games...n definitely no pain... =( or do you wish you know the future?

But alas...life isn't meant to be so simple. I guess we are made to go through such times to appreciate things, to learn things. I know it's wishful thinking...but imagine, there wouldn't be back-stabbing, no plotting or scheming. And if you know the future, you wouldn't waste time on unnecessary things, or make mistakes. Of coz, like I had said, that isn't necessarily a good thing.

Anyway...I'm just rambling. Frustrated with circumstances..with the way things are.

Well, it's official - we are going to move office next month. And thankfully, it will be an office space still within Tanjong Pagar. Just another nearby building. Not Lavendar, not Paya Lebar...*phew. It will definitely be a push factor for me to submit my application for that new job...no, it will be a huge heave.

The week whizzed by, and the weekend definitely zoomed over in the twinkling...It's gonna be a busy week. And busy means stressful. As it is, I spot two pimples on my face now, one on the right cheek and the other on the right chin. Both of which appearing on areas I NEVER have pimples before. I mean, for me, whenever I have pimples, they always come up commonly under the lower lip (on the outside of coz) or the side of the nose. Imagine my horror when I felt something painful coming up on my cheek. So scared will scar...Sigh.

Oh well..Im just rambling now...dun mind me. Somehow, despite the busy work life I keep, and going thru so many activities to keep me insane, I seemed to find life boring. SIgh...it's like, when there's nothing I look forward to, no matter how many appointments or busy schedule I keep, it still is boring to me. *shake head*

I know there are many waiting to read my gossip..but sorry lah, no mood to blog about them...another time lah..u noe how u need to be in the right mood to blog, much lest blog gossips..hee

What's wrong...

2007-03-22T20:32:00.000+08:00

Long overdue post...sometimes just too caught up with work, with things, or plain lazy. My thoughts just come and go, just fly by like that, before I can effectively catch them down on paper (or virtual paper, for that matter).

I must say that 2007 is a moving year for me. I moved house, and now my office is re-locating. Not that I'm terribly excited, coz we haven't really found a new location, and I seriously am worried that we may relocate to the east. Horrors of all horrors! I mean, my home has just moved further west and now some joke this is that my office will shift further east? *praying and perspiring profusely*

We had a "bad scare" very recently...Tricia had actually tendered her resignation and was moving on to another company. Tricia is by far the most senior staff here in office - she's been here for the past 4 years. She's only 24 years old by the way, not some old grumpy aunties. Haha...I'm one year her junior in office, clocking in at 3 yrs. Hee...Anyways, she was moving on, after 4 years, and her last day would have been Apr 20. We were all sad to see her go. As you know, we are all on very good terms with each other...the office is kinda like our second home. But I guess her boss was pretty sad to see her go. He tried to propose various options to make her stay, to which she felt wasn't reason enough. It looked like a foregone conclusion alredy...until yesterday. Tricia asked me for my opinion about an offer that her boss gave. Basically Moses (her boss) offered to pay for 50% of her degree course, and all he asked is that she continue working for him over the next 3 years of her studies, that's all. That's it. Shiok rite...I was like...sigh...no one can pass up that kind of offer one loh...I laid down her options & opportunity costs, which isn't difficult to decide. So yeah, her decision was reversed! Phew...haha..coz I don't take separations very well. I hate saying goodbyes...has always been like that. When my bro was going overseas for his studies then, each time he came bck n left, I would be so upset...or death. You know, permanent separation. The person only lives in your memories, lives in your heart, which is never enuff for me. Since I was young, I've alredy decided that I want to die before my partner does. It's selfish of me, but I don't want to have to hurt over his departure. I mean, best if we go together lah..but like how often that happens peacefully? (Key: peacefully, not violent deaths ok) Anyways..getting morbid.

I've actually considered about the possibility of leaving quietly when it's my time to leave the company. You know, just..don't breathe a word to anyone..of course, need the co-operation of the boss. Coz I know just about how I won't bear to leave this bunch of ppl...I'm just guessing the process may be made easier if no one knew I was leaving...right?

At one point, I was actually feeling rather happy and upbeat, bcoz of the advice I've given Tricia, and bcoz of the comfort I gave to a friend when she was feeling down in the doldrums. Not that I helped solve her problem or what, but I was glad that I was there for her, that she trusted me enough to come to me, to acknowledge that I am there for her. Couple of days later when things were better with her, she happily "updated" me about how things are better now for her. I'm not her super duper buddy sort to her, but I cared enough to be sad and heartbroken for her when she felt pain; and I cared enough to really be glad for her when she was smiling.

But other than that, this last week hasn't gone very smoothly for me. Somehow things are just topsy-turvy...Some work place issues, issues with myself...I don't know what's wrong with me these days. Apart from feeling restless, I just don't seem to be in control of myself, of my emotions. I become impatient, am short-tempered, I become critical, I basically seem to be on the verge of "losing" it. Or otherwise I am upset, feeling down, feeling sad...in all, im like so negative a person. =( I feel so...alone now..like there's no one I can talk to. It's not that I have no frens or what..but it's just like there's not one whom I want to talk to...there just seems to be so much pent-up frustration in me, yet I just can't pin-point what exactly. I certainly hope this is just a one-off mood thing.

Someone, Somebody, Someday

2007-03-14T14:53:00.000+08:00

I've been living with a shadow over head

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long

Trapped in a past I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need'em again some day

I've been setting aside time

to clear a little space in the corner of my mind

All I wanna do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine

I've been searching but I just don't see the signs

I know that it's out there

there's gotta be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light

not somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some directions

and I'm open to your suggestions

All I wanna do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

and if I open my heart again

I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real

or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration

Not just another negotiation

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

and if I open my heart to you

I'm hoping you'll show me what to do

and if you help me to start again

You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Sense of loss

2007-03-04T00:34:00.001+08:00

I'm...just feeling sad now

It's a quiet nite out there...nothing extraordinary. Should have been just another nite. But I guess tonite isn't just another nite. It is just...different.

Moved...

2007-03-03T02:40:00.000+08:00

It's 2 in the morning, and as I looked out of the window, I see most of the households in the surrounding blocks have their lights off. Hmm...not like that back in my old neighbourhood.

Yep, I've moved...I've wider and lower windows (almost like louvres that extend to the ground) in my room now, so that makes it easier for me to look out of the window and see stuff. My old house has higher windows (the old type of apartments), so given a really short girl like me, I can see the top part of opposite buildings and the sky. Let's see, the nearest blk to my apartment is still a distance away, unlike my old place, where I can look into the lower units and see the partial layout of their rooms. So that means it's more airy now and I certainly appreciate that. Yesterday, it rained so much (rain stopped some time in the night) that it made the place so much cooler. I didnt need to turn on the airconditioning nor fan when I went to bed last nite...and I had my blanket on. Oh...and I've finally fulfilled a littel fantasy of mine - to sleep next to the windows, and look out and up into the sky to see the stars. *grin*

The furniture in my bedroom isnt going to be completed till at least 2 weeks later (I can forsee that), which means to say I have to 1) sleep on a mattress on the floor till then and 2) use a low TV console as a desk for my laptop -.- What a bummer huh...but oh well...wat to do. AND, with the furniture not completed, means there are lotsa stuff I can't unpack & unload...So I'm gonna have to be surrounded by boxes of barangs. But well, at least I have settled my furniture...theoretically. I hope everything will run smooth and fit.

It's been a hectic and eventful week. Lotsa things happening, lotsa moving and lotsa life-altering and shifting...literally. haha..I've complained enuff about the moving I guess, and like I told myself (and to whoever I've complained about the moving to), that it's not going to change things. I've gotta live with it still, so may as well try to make the best of it and look at the good side of the move. There are good stuff I can associate the move with of coz, just that in my opinion, I'd rather not have to move, coz I like my old place. Sigh..oh well. Mabbe with time, I'd come to appreciate this new place more..hopefully.

I was on leave today...again yes...=) But sadly, today is the last day of my 'clearing leave period'. Time certainly flies. I went to run some errands today; and went to take some passport photos. I tried going bck to this pro studio in clementi, but sadly I could find it no more. In place is this kodak studio and so I thot "ok, why not..can't be that bad". I can tell u, I feel so cheated loh...ok, mabbe it's me, but the fellow made me sit against a white wall, used a digital camera thats not even as gd as mine, and after he printed my pictures, I could see bad cropped colours in my bckground. Sheesh...I can do a better job than him loh...my digital cam is better loh, my photo-taking skills probably better too loh...and my photoshop skills DEFINITELY better than him! All he could do and I couldn't, is printing my pictures on the instant photo paper. Kinda makes me wonder, if I had given him my photos (nicely taken & photoshopped) and asked him to just print, would he do it?...At least I would be assured the pictures turn out ok. My photos seriously look like sh*t loh. For one thing, it looked like someone had offended me. I had this grouchy, tired look, and I looked as though I didnt smile (which I did...just that it wasn't wide enuff...yeah, and the guy didnt even prompt me or tell me loh). The original studio I used to go to is good. Even with passport photos, they make u sit in their studio, give u time to freshen up, give u a professional pose, and use professional equipment. AND I'm sure the guy is professional, or at least trained. I wonder where they have shifted to. Sigh. I'm super tempted to re-take my passport photos. I think I just might...No way Im gonna submit my application form with a scroogy face like that!

I'm gonna have to cover an event tomr nite (sat nite...bummer) There's Galvin's house-warming tomr afternoon, there's the girls' nite out tomr nite. Guess I'm going for neither. I don't think I can wake erly enuff for the former, & I've gotta run back to office to grab the camera before covering the event; and for obvious reasons, I can't do the night outing too. Crap huh...

Hmm..guess Im not really in the mood to blog tonite. Coz there r so many things I wan to blog about, but don't feel like it. Till next time then.

This and That

2007-02-23T04:57:00.000+08:00

It's been such a looong time since I can stay up THIS late and still not worry about having to wake on time tomr morning for work...only because I'm on leave! Ha...feels great indeed. For once, I can indulge in my nocturnal instincts. Heh...

I was feeling hardworking about three hours ago (that's 1am), and in fact had settled down to finish an article that was alredy 97% completed. I was gonna move on to start on the next one when I got distracted by Blogger, and I actually logged in to change some feature. Well, you would have noticed that I've transported my blog to the new system that supposedly boosts easier template movement and stuff like that. I've actually moved my blog a couple of days ago, but I wasn't really in the mood to try to fiddle with the features I originally had, so I left it at that first. Somehow, I got into the mood just now, and thought I would spend a little time tweaking the details. And that little twiddling actually took me some 3 hrs. -.-'' But well at least it wasn't entirely in vain. I've tried putting back most of what I used to sport on the old blog, though some stuff I think I shall not put them back, so as to accomodate the new stuff...ie. PHOTOS on the side bar! Yayy...well, not that I can upload the full album here, but at least I can put a "preview" sort of shot and if you guys are interested, well, u can just click on the link and there you go! transported to the full album where u can enjoy the photo splash. As you would alredy know, I'm such a "camera-girl" *big grin*

Ok, do check back regularly for new stuff, esp the pictures. Coz I've still got so many pictures and albums not uploaded on the photo site, so that means I can't link it here as yet. Once I get those up, I shall link them here too, in chronological order.

Time to go back to my work, then get some rest before I wake in the morning to start my packing. -.- Didn't I say my life has spiralled into a monotony? *blech*

Happy Lunar New Year...

2007-02-21T00:57:00.001+08:00

...to one and all =D

So are we all on an angbao windfall? Haha...well sadly, not me. My angbaos have shrunk. But well, I'm still ok about it. I mean, everyone likes money (c'mon, who doesn't), but it has more or less gotten to a point where you wouldn't whine and kick up a fuss about smaller angbaos...the first grumble that sort, but after which even you would forget about it =)

Every year my new year is more or less the same. We don't have to go from house to house to do visiting, because all of us will congregate at my grandma's place. That's the relatives on my dad's side. We don't do my mom's side coz firstly, there was never such a 'tradition' and secondly, well, we aren't close. We are close to the relatives on my dad's side. So, the first day settles it.

And following that, Monday and today, I stayed in in the earlier part of the day to do packing. I was supposed to do visiting to two bosses' place today, but one girl couldn't make it, another couldn't confirm if she could make it, and the other isn't in Spore. Oh well...we'll probably do dinner after work on one of the evenings after work (as per invited by one of the bosses). So stayed in to do packing in the earlier part of the day. I went for a movie with my bro in the evening - the local show "Just Follow Law". Not too bad for a local movie with a local budget. Haha...Ok lah, it's really not bad. Funny scenes, but basically I've always felt that Jack Neo is able to see (and employ) beyond the normal/usual layers of society and present perspectives that's synonymous with the society at large, yet still acceptable (probably) with the authorities. Kudos to him.

Yesterday's programme was waaay more fun. For the first time, my sister, my brother and myself brought my parents to KTV! We were hesitant initially, whether they would like it there. But my mom is always curious to see new/different things (that either she's read/heard about..not necessarily that she will like it though. So it was a 50-50 thing). The first "surprise" was that my dad was game to say ok about going the night before, and even though on the day itself, he didn't take his usual nap in the afternoon, he didn't even suggest/indicate that he was tired/rather stay in. Digress: My dad wakes really really erly in the morning coz of work. And by early, I mean really early - 430 in the morning, and he's outta the house by 5-530. He takes a nap in the afternoon after he comes home, and he doesn't sleep before 12 every night. I can barely handle the lack of zz when I go to bed like 2 and have to wake in the morning for work at 8. Shame on me, I know.

Anyways, I'm so so so real glad we went to KTV. For one thing, he works practically everyday so he doesn't have much opportunity to enjoy. The other days when he doesn't work (rarely), he needs to rest. But more importantly, the gathering was SUPER fun =) kinda like a bonding session. I mean, we all know that my dad likes to play punk sometimes, crack lame jokes with his poker face on, disturb my 'naive' mom..stuff like that. But we saw a side of him that we've never seen before (coz we never brought him to KTV). He can't sing, yes, but he was on and game to belt out songs. Of coz, I was mindful to select songs that he would know how to sing. To our surprise yet again, he was equally fine with singing some of the pop songs too...even though he committed endless faux pas through the night - he either dunno the tune, dunno the lyrics, sang too fast...stuff like that. Haha...and he would occasionally make us laugh by singing in some weird voice. Serious fun =D And he's a good sport too...even though he needed to wake early for work, and our session wasn't due to end till 1130, he insisted that we stayed through. So sweet of him right...Hee

I guess though my dad was never the "I love you, ah girl" type of father (after all he still was brought up the traditional chinese way), but I think he's already surpassed my expectations of a dad. Me being the sort of emo, touchy-feely sort of person, I would be sorely disappointed if my dad is a super fierce, straight-faced, expressionless person...and I don't mean just in terms of facial expression, but of outward behaviour too.

I guess I have taken after my dad in more ways than I realised. My sweet tooth (proven to be from him rather than my mom) - the ice-cream; our similar taste-buds - the mandarin oranges yoghurt, milk; my cheerful demeanor, my easy laughter (and I'm super grateful to him for those genes!); my brains (I'm no genius but I do have some thinking power still)...haha..That's not to say my mom is erm, low IQ or whatsoever...but my dad definitely is a street-smart one (super good in maths too). It's a shame he didn't get to complete further education after sec 4 (money issues typical of average households in the past), coz I'm certain he will excel.

Since I've began to realise a lot of common traits, and began to know my dad more as a daughter, I know that he has the characteristics, the traits, the personality that I want in my future partner too. Before you get the wrong idea (there's this illness about liking your own parent right), I'm sane ok. I'm just saying I want my partner to be like my dad - the family man who takes care of the family, a giving soul, a self-sacrificing person, gentle yet firm person, humourous, easy-going...the list can go on. I can use all the positive adjectives I know and it probably still won't be enough. I'm not saying he's perfect...he isn't. He has his flaws too. But his good certainly outweigh the bad. My mom is one lucky woman. Hahaha...

Anyways...didn't realise I've gone on and on about my dad. Ha! My room is in such disarray now...Piles of stuff everywhere. And oh boy...have I got lotsa more packing to go! I finish one 'section' and another would pop up that demands my attention too. With the karang guni woman I am, I hoard rubbish and stuff, so you can imagine the stuff I had to go through (whether to throw or to pack off to the new place). Officially, we are all gonna shift on 1 March, which is like, next Thurs alredy. Tomorrow is another packing day, at least during the daytime. I meeting the girls for our weekly run tomr evening at the stadium. I've been pigging out incorrigibly, that I wonder how many kgs I've piled back on *shudders*

So once again, the long holiday has come and gone. I've always loved the later part of the year, coz that's when the longer holidays are and happens in tandem. Not to mention those are my favourite holidays too - Xmas, NY, LNY...There's always something to anticipate. Heh...Well, the next holiday would be Easter Friday. Pooh...

This work week and next, I'll be on leave most of the days. Putting things in perspective, I'll be working 3 days out of the 8 days! BUT well...that's enforced leave. Remember I said I still have leave from 2005 that I was supposed to clear before 2006 ends? Well of course with things happening so rapidly, there was no way I could go on leave. My boss gave me a grace till end Feb. Well just nicely coinciding with my house-moving. Gives me time to stay home and do packing. Except that I will also be doing work. I brought all my stuff back to finish coz of the evil deadlines. -.- I can already foresee my life over the next few days - work, packing, work, more packing...Not to mention the possible calls from work. Oh yes, I have lotsa errands to run too. But really, what a bummer! Sigh...the only upside I can see? Well...I get to sleep in later I guess. I should be contented huh =) With the consecutive days of leave I would be on, it is just perfect for going on holidays man! But sadly...You know, like for instance this weekend, I'll be on leave from Fri, next Monday too - that's a long weekend. Tues & Weds I have to go back to work coz I'm covering events, then I'll be on leave again Thurs, Fri and over the weekend. Long weekend too! Though actually, I foresee myself having to cover an event on 3 Mar (That's a Sat). Oh well...can't complain. I think I will certainly suffer from post-multiple-leave stress upon returning to work "full-time". Hahaha...

I super have the urge to go East Coast...or Sentosa...somewhere "beachy" =) just to have fun. But well...while I'm on leave, most of my friends would b working. Like who will be "clearing" leave like I am...

I super have blown my budget this month...My heart has bled to death that it no longer feels anything when I shell out $ for this and that. I've got stuff I want to buy for my new place, I'm buying a new mobile, and not to mention the essentials too that I'm low on supplies. I've exchanged my prezzy with my fren - he got his new toy, and he gave me vouchers to buy my new toy with. Kinda like I'm buying for myself of coz, but well, that's all in the name of good fun & thoughtfulness =D I've to top up some more too of coz...that explains the pocket bleeding further. And I can't prolong the purchase of my new toy, coz I've to return the mobile to him before he goes away. Anyways, I keep telling myself that my high expenditure is taken care of by my bonus - it's additional cash, it's not eating into my savings. Yeah right...

Right, time to go back to my work now. I'm slipping back to my nocturnal nights again these days due to the holidays and leave. I hope I'll be able to revert to the earlier biological clock that I have had a hard time tuning previously when I go bck to "full-time" work eventually.

Will do some pictures next if I have time =)

Boring Update...

2007-02-16T01:29:00.000+08:00

So how did u spend your Valentine's Day?

I spent mine with a group of singles. A girlfren actually brought me to a gathering organised by another of her fren, who in turn brought along her frens...interesting huh =) This fren of hers, let's call her Ms D...she's a high-flyer, in her erly-thirties (I think), and still single. This is actually the second time I'm going out with a party/gathering she organised. The first one was the New Year's Eve party at Marina Mandarin, during which she gathered some 10 over people for the countdown party. She's seen the world, enjoy the finer things in life, and certainly knows how to have fun. I guess for a sua-gu like me, it's good that I know someone like her. At least it enlarges my social circle a little more, and have some harmless fun in the process.

Anyways, we went to railmall and sat down at Denise the Wine Shop. Well as you would have known by now, I can't handle alcohol. A bad drinker in the very least, but the bigger problem is one who is allergic to alcohol. Yep that's me. But I still had a little to drink. Just have to learn to pay the consequences that's all (rashes and itch)...Heh...

Yesterday's gathering was smaller, but more cosy. Cosy settings, easier conversations. Was fun, I must add. And I ended the day by succumbing to my weakness at 12 in the morning - a lime popsicle! *Bright grin!* No regrets...I swam it off today with 11 laps...hopefully. Haha...

Anyways, Ms D said she intends to organise another CNY party sometime during the second week of CNY. I must say I'm looking forward to it! I hope it doesn't fall through =D

Hmm...have got more to blog about this gathering, but am feeling a little sleepy now...140 and I've gotta work tomr. It's Friday...the last Friday before CNY. Have a client to meet tomr (sianz)..I've got lotsa to do, both at work, at home - packing and clearing for house-moving; and articles for church magazine to write too. Everything's due; nothing's done, no time; my fault. But interestingly, today (friday) is the only day this week that I don't have anything on after work. No plans, no dates. Monday - JB dinner; Tues - Run with the girls; Weds - V-day Outing; Thurs - Swim with Fen...and Friday's here now. I think I probably will head to town to get some last min stuff. But there is still a slim chance that I will stay back in office and OT. Hmm...

I've told 2 different persons today, that I think I'm getting addicted to shopping. Not that I wasn't before, but I think it may be becoming a problem worth worrying over. You see, lately I haven't exactly been in my best, and I head for shopping therapy. So much so that I buy almost everything I see/I like/I look ok in. Yeah I noe..-.- I need to learn to rein myself in and curb myself more. Mabbe when the credit card bill comes, that will jolt me to my senses. Taking 'refuge' in shopping...think I remb reading an article before about it being an escape for some ppl. It actually is a medical problem for the serious ones. Good grief, I sure hope I won't degenerate to that.

I need to clear out 5 days of overdue leave (leftover from 2004....ha!) by end of Feb. And considering next week being a 'holiday' week (3 work days only), and the subsequent week is half Feb, doesn't seem I have a lot of choice about selecting the days. I haven't decided which 5days yet, coz I need to ensure that they don't clash with those days that I need to cover events (which is quite a number coz of the festivities). The other thing is, I can't really afford to too. One of my colleague is on leave till next Thurs, and the snr designer is away on honeymoon all the way till early/mid-March. Rather short-handed already. My boss oso dunno how to let me take leave coz of a tight deadline coming up. But I've assured her that amidst my packing and house-moving (on leave), I will be bringing work home to do. Of coz she's ok with that...hmpt -.-

I dunno what rubbish Im rambling now...some random crap. Guess I shd b going to bed then. It's 2! Long day tomr...Happy New Yr first (in case I don't blog any entry next couple of days...I intend to, but u'll never know huh)

short update before bedtime....

2007-02-13T00:53:00.000+08:00

Something different on a Monday evening - going into Johor for some cheap dinner =D

One of my bosses drove myself, Tricia and Isabel into Johor just now for some cheap seafood. Cheap yes...but so-so only. Nothing yummilicious like Taman Sentosa (not sure if this is the right spelling). True, Taman Sentosa isnt that clean or nice; a little on foul-smelling side, some would even say. But the last time I went there for seafood (which was quite a while ago I must say) was not too bad really.

This place we went just now was 20min away from the second link through Tuas, at a place called "Skudai" or something like that (not sure if the spelling is rite). Four of us had chilli crabs, prawns, frog (them, certainly not me), 2 plates of beancurd tofu (quite nice) and this fancifully-named mushrooms (which is nice too). All these for RM82, which works out to be approx RM20 each - that's like SGD10. Cheap indeed =D Would have been more satisfying had the food been great. And for now, with all those cholestrol and fats in my system, I just have to do the additional 5 rounds tomr (on top of my usual) *faint*

But anyways, the trip itself was good. We had lotsa laughter along the way, cracking silly jokes and talking crap. And because of the not-so-satisfying chilli crab, we actually made a pact to go AMK Ave 2 to try the famous big chilli crabs on the first Monday after CNY, possibly followed by frog (eewww) at Geylang, and mabbe Tow Huey at Rochor. Haha...all courtesy of Tricia's wonderful idea.

I guess it's the gathering and time spent that I relished more than the food itself. Of coz, I'm not saying that I don't appreciate the food, I do. Just that the company certainly makes the food tastes so much better =) Like just now, though the food wasnt tip top, but it was still a great, fun experience. Our morale dipped when we made our journey back to Spore. SIgh.

*****

V day is just round the corner, so what grand plans are in store? I was talking to a fren that day, and we ended up chatting about the 'window' period I have gone through - 2 yrs. A tad too long. But not of my choice.

I've more or less decided that I shall either meet up with a best fren whos single too, then mabbe we'll do dinner; or, this is my plan - holed up in office doing OT till at least 10pm, then take the lonely journey home alone on the mrt. Primarily, I have absolutely no wish to see lovey-dovey couples strolling down town hand clasped in hand, or cuddling one another. Hopefully doing that can help me avoid these heart-wrenching moments that may just make me turn green with envy.

*****

I haven't been in the greatest mood these days. Things have been happening, and I've been hurting. And the pain is more poignant at night, when certain memories come haunting back.

The could-have-beens, the what-ifs, the if-onlys...I had asked God to guard my heart, and all was well initially. But I guess I had let my guard down. Now all I can do is to hate myself for that, for putting myself through this. When will I ever learn?? Never, I guess.

I try not to think about it, hoping for the best that time will heal this little wound. Yeah, that would mean patience on my side. In the meantime....I guess I shall continue hurting then.

More Pictures...Xmas Lunch 2006!

2007-01-06T20:55:00.000+08:00

I've just realised that for the month of December, there has only been an entry. Sigh...that bad huh. I just can't seem to pin-point what it is that I want to start blogging on. So many, yet so...aimless. I guess I would need a couple more entries before I can re-organise my thoughts about what to blog.

Did I mention before that I have some nine days of leave to clear from 2006? Well, I haven't spoken to boss about bringing it to 2007 and giving me an additional month to clear it. I have no idea how...for one thing, we have entered Jan 07. I'm currently in the midst of preparing for a short trip to Bangkok with two of my pals. That would help me burn about three days of the nine...four if I want. THen what next? The inherent problem is not taking leave, it is whether I can afford to stay away for so long. ANd the answer is no. It's either I clear my leave and drown when I get back, or I take leave and bring my work home. -.- Which option is more appealing?

Think I really have to talk to boss soon before this drags on...and before I know it, Feb is here! *horrors* what if she insists to forfeit the leave?...Know what? All these wouldn't have been a problem if there's an option to buy back my leave. I can do with the extra cash, I stay away lesser *Hee* Works well both ways, doesn't it?

Ok, photo-splash again...=) And there are more on the way...after I edit them of course. I just love taking pictures...muahahaha...

This was taken during our Christmas lunch, on 21 December Thurs. We went to a cafe run by one of Moses' friend. We went there last year too, and they are certainly running a better business now. The food's not too bad (otherwise we would have vetoed against returning there).

When the food started to come after the starter bread (and the bread is really nice...freshly baked from the oven! Warm to the touch, crispy to take a bite off), I gave up trying to take any pictures of the dishes. Because everyone was more interested in tucking heartily into the food, I didn't want to be a pest and continued flashing that camera. Oh well...until the last two dishes or so. Especially the dessert...Ice cream! My fav...added with a dash of fresh berries and strawberry sauce, tinted with a hint of liquorice I think...(if I'm wrong then it's probably some other kind of alcohol). I was slightly flushed after that! Haha...

A cute "guest" popped by when we returned from lunch. For someone else though...and there was a note tied to the string. Well, not that we wanted to read it, but it was rather huge and we could not "help" not noticing *grin* It said something like: "Don't miss me too much while I'm gone. See you soon!" Somehting like that...I can't remember if there was an "I love you" after that or not. Heh...anyways, that's Sophia posing with Mr Pooh.

A super long hiatus...

2007-01-06T01:02:00.000+08:00

It's been a super long while since I've last updated an entry. Call it busy, or call it lazy...I guess it's a bit of both. Seems like I've kinda lost touch a little at what I want to blog about. Lotsa things I can talk about, yet have no idea where to start without sounding incoherent.

Well, it's 6 days into the new year, how has it been for you? It was a good start to the year, with a long weekend of 4 days of break. Guess that's where the lazy bone came about.

I had a post-Xmas gathering with my best pals a couple of days ago. It's been our tradition (since sec sch I think) to meet every boxing day, coz we reckon Xmas would be spent with husbands/bfs/family etc. Smart move I guess. Anyway, five years ago, we started a 'Time Capsule', where every year when we meet, we would bring along an item representative of ourselves, and deposit it inside. And we would write an accompanying essay about how the year has been for us. The first year we started it, we told each other to include where we see ourselves in five years' time (We were 20 years old then). Well, next year would be the year when we will open the time capsule. I can't remember exactly what I wrote five years ago. Kinda curious. I guess we will all have a good laugh when we come to it next year. And we were considering the possibility of starting another time capsule or burying this one after it's opened, for the next ten, twenty yrs before opening it once again for another 'review'. Haha...

Anyways, as we were contributing our essays, I reflected what 2006 has brought me, and I realised that 2006 was not such a bad year afterall. Well yes, there were bad and upsetting stuff, but in a way, the good more than overwrites the bad =) I'm glad for that. THen I sort of realised that I'm at least learning to count my blessings now. Yes it's a good thing =)

Ok, a common question I've been getting: What are your new year resolutions? Mine? hmm...I did briefly think about it, and as always, ideas come to me best when I'm half way through a shower. Whether it's for the articles I have to write, or solutions I have to conjure...It's strange isn't it? I mean, I'm not the only one who gets inspirations during bath-times. Anyways, I've digressed. New year resolutions. There are so many! Long term, short term ones.

Well I guess since I've got too much too say, yet am kinda lost at where to kick off, then I probably should stop my rambling for now. Now that I look back at what I've posted here, I realised it's meaningless. Like, I'm writing for the sake of writing -.-

Anyways, I guess I should just put up some long overdue pictures. Have gone for many outings, taken a couple of pictures, but haven't put any up. That's laziness for u. I shall attempt to start the ball rolling.

Ok, this one is an outing at the East Coast Park...in July 2006. Angela, Moses, Tricia, Isabel and myself were there on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. Angela was still with us then. We taught Isabel how to cycle, in some 3hrs. Not bad huh ;) Good teachers we are. I love outings =D

Photo-Splash!

Exciting...

2006-12-03T00:47:00.000+08:00

Have just finished a mighty long article, so am rewarding myself with a time-out here to do a short entry. *eyes roll* Yeah...as if I haven't done enuff writing huh...Haha..

Yep, it's December already, and 2006 is drawing to a close...in 28 days' time. Scary huh, when you put it in that sort of perspective. I'm getting older...all of us are. But next year, I will be considered "past mid-twenties" *shudders* Oh mannn....

The other day, Sophia (the senior designer) told me about an incident that happened when she gave Isabel (the junior designer) a ride after work. To cut the story short, apparently Adrian, Sophia's fiance, asked about "the younger girl" while they were chatting in the car...In other words, he was referring to me. Thing is...Isabel IS the youngest. Tee Hee...

Ahem. But well, that still doesn't deny the fact that I AM past mid-twenties...and STILL boyfriend-less. Trust me, I AM worried for myself. When will dear Prince Charming appear? Or will he even appear?...I saw this on someone else's blog:

"What if someone you've never met, someone you've never seen, someone you've never known, was the only someone for you?"

*Beads of perspiration already forming on the brim of my forehead*

Good grief no!

Let's not go into this now...

*Whistle whistle whistle*

Ok, talking about Sophia. She has asked me to consider being her emcee at her wedding (!!!) *Not that word too! Okok, I've got to focus here* She will be getting married in late January and the male emcee at her dinner is still partner-less. She reckons that I can do the job, eloquent (more like edgy) and experienced (how about endrogenous...ok I'm not that either). Alrite, my point is, she thinks too highly of me! I did emcee for a good friend two months back, but that's about it...unless presentations and public speaking counts? I am flattered, but I am so scareddd stiff that I would disappoint her or even ruin her wedding. Her wedding is a slightly smaller crowd, but at a grand-er place *shifts nervously*

Those same few questions raced through my mind when she told me of her intention.

What if I'm boring?

What if nobody laughs at my jokes?

What if I'm....

I do recall the trillion butterflies-fluttering-in-stomach feeling, yet adrenaline rush at Audrey's wedding. I even remember telling myself: "Hey, I can get used to this!"...but I dunno...just worried if I can do a good job for Sophia. Especially when she tells me the male emcee is quick-witted and thinks fast on his feet (He's a banker..aka, smart) It's not that I don't want to be her emcee. I would gladly! I mean, how often does someone think you are up to being an emcee and ask u to? Part of me really wants to, but the cautious side of me is worried. Anyways, Sophia thinks meeting up with the co-partner may help to alleviate the awkwardness first, and find out if we can click. Oh well...it's not confirmed yet, so we'll see.

Yeah it's December...means Xmas is coming! My fav holiday of all! Church is doing a Xmas carnival on 23 Dec and all are welcome. There'll be a mini-concert, games and food stalls, etc...Melinda has roped me in to help her co-ordinate the logistics aspect for the stalls. After getting the opportunity to go into the communication ministry to do editorial, I'm really glad & thrilled to have this chance to be used. I do want to be more involved in the church and people. But much as I'm keen to contribute, I'm kinda worried if I will screw anything up. Too green, perhaps? But it would be good training for me I guess. Looks like this December is going to be hectic still...lotsa events to cover (work), meetings & co-ordination (church), I think.

I am supposed to clear 9 days of leave by this year (leftover from last year), but at the rate things are going (with work and outside work), I think it's not really possible to take any leave this month...much lest CLEARING leave (Yep I still have ridiculous deadlines to meet). I had intended to do a short trip with Lyn to Bangkok during mid-Dec (retail therapy), but after discussions with Audrey, we have decided to postpone it to mid-Jan, so that more people can possibly join us on the trip. And if everything goes as planned, I'll ask boss to let me delay "clearing" the leave to Jan 07 at least. Yayy...I sure hope things will work out fine.

My cell group is going to have a potluck gathering on Xmas eve, and a short weekend "retreat" in early Jan. I'm still getting acquainted with them, so I'm really glad for this opportunity. They really are such a nice bunch of ppl.

Ok, looks like Dec & Jan's schedule is out now. And of coz, I'm wondering, with the weekend retreat scheduled to happen on the first week of Jan, the intended Bangkok trip on the second, Sophia's wedding on the third (if I'm her emcee)...rehearsals are gonna be a tad...problematic. Hmm...

Sis coming back tomorrow from her Europe trip...can't wait. I'm still in that I-should-hv-been-on-that-trip mood. Yeah I know...*roll eyes* Ok, have got to hit the sack now. It's 2 already! Waking up early to go run wf mom tomr morning. Life seems good...if not for something missing.

Yawnz...

would have been a great nite...

2006-11-25T23:36:00.000+08:00

As I've blogged, I covered yet another event last nite (Friday). This time though, the client didn't intend for me & boss to do any real work. As in, the other events that we have had to cover so far, the client expected us to take the necessary shots and speeches and interviews in between the dinner. So I was pleasantly surprised when the person told me just to enjoy the dinner, and that we were there as their invited guests, not to work. But of course, being occupational hazards, we still brought our camera & notebooks, scribbling notes and speeches of coz. Good thing we did, coz there were unexpected speeches made by guests, last min interviews that we simply should do in preparation for the next issue of the newsletter. Yeah, actually we expected that already, despite what she had said. But well, she was really apologetic. Haha..

It was a great evening actually. Remember I was saying these couple of days, weeks and months were nothing short of pure madness? And also that I was kinda surprised at my own abilities to handle everything, and the end result was more than satisfactory? Haha...yah, I'm indulging myself now...but hey, I deserve this! *wide grin*

Especially this particular client, one of the many clients I had been servicing since I joined this company. This organisation is a union under NTUC and co-operative (shan't name them). Basically they are a rather traditional cheena-sort of ppl, eg. likes red dislikes black that sort of thing. But the leader is a very forward-looking and adaptable person; and I must say the organisation is very successful one coz of his leadership and sharp biz acumen. I am in awe of the boss, who's this man in his 60s I think. Anyways, thought I'll just drop some little history.

Initially, I didn't really like servicing them, coz it seemed as though everyone in the company is either brash or rude or plain uneducated. Even the one whom I've been liaising with (the lady I mentioned just now). She was FOREVER trying to find my fault, pick at me. Seriously. Sort of like, I couldn't stand her, she didn't like me. Of coz I didn't show her. The thing is, I absolutely have no idea WHY. Anyways...one fine day, she just changed...for the better. She was nicer to me suddenly. I was of coz suspicious, but my boss kept saying she's a nice person...and that mabbe somehow I've won them over. Oh well...heck with that, so long as my job is easier. =) Indeed, things did get alot better, many many months down the road. I guess mabbe they just didn't really know me and don't remember much of me too. I guess I wouldn't be too chummy with someone I just got to know too. Heh..

The many times I have bent over backwards to help them complete things, I know they appreciate it. Now whenever I go over to their building, I certainly walk with alot more ease, passing by ppl and have them saying hi to me. That certainly feels good. In fact, I like going to big events where many of our different clients attend too, and have different ppl recognising me and saying hi...shaking hands with everyone...Yeah I know I'm egoistic...but really, that, to me, is an acknowledgement, an accomplishment, recognition...and certainly satisfaction.

Two weeks ago, we began to rush the production of the latest issue of the newsletter, in time for the D&D last nite. Two weeks for a magazine issue, with 36 page worth of stories, stories to write, people to interview and information to research and source for before writing begins. That means burnt nites, burnt weekends. And this time frame includes printing and delivery. Printing generally takes between 3-5 days, depending on quantity. This time, we went for a higher quantity print, coz the intention was to distribute the magazine during the dinner. Thankfully, the client allowed us to deliver 1/4 of the full quantity first. That really helped alot. Nonetheless, the timeline is still crap. I was really frustrated most of the time, stressed, upset, and what-have-you...On top of that, we had lotsa problems. For one thing, Isabel (my designer) was rushing other jobs and couldn't really start on the layout for this magazine. And thus far, the cover page proposals we showed were not satisfactory enuff for them. They were nice enuff not to outright "reject" what we gave them, but kept asking us to give them more proposals.Yah, I know there's no difference in that actually, but well still, at least that was kinda than saying "it's not gd enuff". Not to mention the countless hiccups we had to extinguish along the way. Oh, and by the time we conclude and send the magazine to print, it was Weds. Yah, and the dinner was on Fri. My printer had 2 days to print and deliver. She was really pressured, and she actually asked me if there could be any leeway. And I was really worried.

Ok, fast forward to Fri. Boss & myself reached the hotel - Ritz Carlton no less! and I could finally smile when I saw a copy of the newsletter on every seat. It was really whew...and of coz, I could hardly wait to browse through it. As far as we could see, it had turned out the way we wanted it to. Yayy! And call it a nice coincidence. The image on the cover of the magazine - It so happened that the ballroom, while the dinner was waiting to start, was bathed in spotlights designed in such a way that they cast lights around, just like how the magazine's cover was! As if we had planned it, as if the cover was designed in line with the deco of the ballroom. What's more, one of the major articles in the magazine had a layout that was similar to the backdrop on the stage. Haha...Great stuff.

And in that same night, my boss praised me...I mean, she's one who is generous with praise and encouragement. But this is one of the few times when I feel I'm really glad she said it, coz I deserved it. To me, it was recognition and appreciation for my efforts. When I first started on this newsletter which normally ranges from 32-36pages, she did the bulk of the stories, and I did the odd ones here and there. Over time, she gradually let me handle more of the stories. This issue, I scored a first - the first time I handled all of the stories...almost. Yah, she did a half page introduction. But still, I'm proud of myself. And boss said it too! Plus, "See, you can do it!" Heh...She knows how I generally don't have super a lot of confidence. I have actually already been handling other smaller projects without my boss in the picture, but this time, this being one of our major clients, it just feels different.

The client came to thank us too, for rushing the issue. She knew how little time we had; in fact, how insufficient time was actually. Rushing the article, rushing the artwork, rushing the printing. She kept gushing her appreciation, and even went beyond that. She actually told my boss how big a help I had been and how things were able to run smoothly. On top of that, she had to tell my boss to really appreciate us (staff). Wahahaha...

Not to mention that I was the one who sourced the image on the cover. Not that it was a big deal. But it is a big deal to me, coz it demonstrates how I'm closer to knowing them, knowing what they like/want. Remember I was saying Isabel did a couple of proposals which they were not entirely pleased with? coz Isabel just didn't have any idea what sort of image they wanted. We had a theme to follow. I was getting desperate, and I just went through our library, and eventually shortlisted two images, one of which they approved! And they like it...it wasn't that sort of 'choice out of no choice'. And boss actually commented that that image was so much better than the other choices we presented. I'm not letting this get to my head of coz, but I'm just jubilant coz it probably means I'm yet again closer to what they are thinking.

Ritz Carlton...the place is great (we all know that). The food is beyond fantastic, I tell you. I wish I had taken photos of the food. Nah, of coz I couldn't do that...coz I'm sitting with other clients and guests. They would probably think I'm out of my mind. Ha. But really, the food is beyond description. For one thing, we get served for every dish. I mean, normally only the VIP tables get to be served individually, while the other tables get the dish plonked on their table and they gotta serve themselves. This time, we got the VIP treatment and everyone was served individually. Sigh. And every dish - not to mention how delectable - is a classic. Take for instance, their Sharks' Fin soup. It tasted more like a potent mix of herbal soup (in a gd way). It's Ginseng Shark Fin, in fact. And what goes into the soup, I can't describe coz I've got no idea what they are. But I can guarantee, it's not some cheap stuff. For one thing, the Sharks' Fin is not the typical one. Instead of strips of Fins, the Sharks' Fins were in slices. There's also scallops in the soup, plus some other herbs and staff. Woah...great stuff, I tell you. Much as I don't eat such things. Let's see...there's fish, chicken...can't remember liao...but all great stuff, really. Oh, the dessert is strawberry pudding with diced fruits, all authentic. I mean, it's not some fake strawberry or what. Real Strawberry to make the pudding! Heavenly! Entertainment's great too! Entertaining, yet not cheapo stuff. Except for the horrendous singing of the emcee at the very beginning. And he even attempted to rap. I mean, the opening was such a bang, a real climax with pyrotechnics and all. Until his singing after that. Gosh...He's a not-bad host actually. I just wish he hadn't blemised the nite with his singing.

Everything was just great. For a while, I actually thought this was why I didn't managed to get on that plane to Europe. I actually thought this was worth my not getting on the plane to Europe...

For a long while actually. Until after the dinner. I...did something really silly...or stupid. Something which was a moment's folly. Something which I'm not sure if I regret...but I know I will eventually. Something I wish I didn't do it. Something I'm pretty sure the Mighty One would be grieved and angry with me about.

Why did I do it?

Looonng....overdue update

2006-11-23T23:21:00.000+08:00

Yeah, I blogged about how pissed I was last nite when the long update which I was going to post just got lost when blogger decided to pull a fast one on me. Damn..I was so upset that I just shut everything down and went to bed. Peeved!

Well now that I've calmed down a wee bit, I shall attempt to replicate whatever I posted yesterday. Here goes...the watered down version though.

Ok, my sister will be flying to Europe early morning Friday, a trip which I was supposed to be on too. But coz of 1) work commitments 2) the last min withdrawal of my travelling companion (sis fren whom I also know), I had to bow out. I'm super sian and super frustrated now. I've got like, 9 days of leave which I HAVE to clear by the end of this year, aka, December, aka, next month. Can't bring these over to next year, coz these were brought over from last year. I could barely afford to go on leave this year. Besides, I was determined to fulfil a personal promise to myself - Going on, at least, one holiday trip every year. So I thot I would take a nice holiday and clear out these 9 days. Of coz, things didn't go as planned, and there goes my trip. That Phuket trip couple of months ago was not counted! It's such a short trip loh...Anyways, I dunno how I'm gonna clear 9 days in 1 month. 2 off days every week? I wish!

On a side note, I would have 28 days of leave come 2007...excluding these 9 days. :/

So initially, I was thinking of negotiating with boss to allow me to bring the 9 days over to Jan 07 at least, then I shall die die find someone to go on a trip with me. Of coz, going holiday is no problem. The headache lies in finding someone to go with me. Super sickening loh. I'm even contemplating signing up for a tour on my own.

Work is still heavy, but has certainly eased up quite a fair bit. We have survived that super crazy period of 2 months. Looking back, I'm rather amazed with myself. Ha...Job satisfaction! *big grin* Of coz, not mentioning the other things I've "gained" as well. It's ironical, but while I'm always tired/exhausted with the pile of seemingly endless work, I plunged into insomnia as well. These couple of weeks, I seem to be sleeping lesser and lesser. Take this week. Say, I go to bed about 1230, and I woke wee hours of the morning, about 5+, and I would have difficulty sleeping. And when I finally do, it's daylight. The next night, I would wake 3+...Last nite took the cake. I went to sleep about 1215 after chatting to my fren on the phone. Guess what time I woke? 2am. Sharp. -.-'' I was so tired, but I just couldn't sleep! I tossed and turned; 3am came and went. That same night, my bro's gf went to the hospital for some inflammation, and he talked to her on the phone for a couple of hours each stretch...and I listened to their conversation for a couple of hours each stretch. And when I did fall asleep, I knew I was sleeping. Sounds strange and ludicrous I know, but this simply means that I was sub-conscious, and therefore, I wasn't in deep sleep! My mind/body isn't resting! Arghhhh...I think I may have been too keyed up during the daytime...and that I have too many things on my mind. Keeping my fingers cross for tonite. The last thing I want is to wake at 1am.

Let's see...there's the migraines that simply gnawed at my brain...and there's the dizzy spells brought on by my low blood platelets (aka, low blood count). You know the kind of description ppl give? How you would stand up and the whole room seemingly spins about you? Yeah, that's what I experienced. And I would have to close my eyes, take a couple of rapid deep breaths, and balance myself. I have low blood pressure, but have to resort to medication this month to stabilise it. Too stressed up. Haha...

I've been covering many events this month. One of the busiest in fact...in terms of events, that is. So far it's been almost 3 events a week; and these last few weeks running up to Dec, it's been their D&D, so yap, I've been having good food lately *yum* Not that I get to really enjoy the food, since half the time I was up and about taking those precious shots or doing interviews with guests. Last nite I returned home from one, and it was while I was waiting for my hair to dry that I decided to blog an entry. Alas...*Hmpt!* silly Blogger. Anyways, tomorrow nite is another event. Another dinner. *faint*

Some good news. Or maybe not...oh well, depends on how you look at it. I have joined my Church's Communications Ministry, as a writer! Covering events, conducting interviews, writing for their newsletter/magazine. The Comms Ministry has many sub ministries; events, publicity, photography, studio and...forgot what liao. So editorial is one of the sub-ministries.

It was interesting how it happened, normal as it sounds. Couple of weeks ago, Isabel was telling us how she was going to freelance for her church (as a designer...she gets paid, I don't), and I remember feeling envious about how she was already serving in many different areas, plus contributing in other ways. And I wondered when I would be serving too...and where of coz. Initially, I did think about going to the children's ministry (mabbe)...teaching sunday school or somehting...hahaha...In fact, I did even think about helping to do some writing. But at the end of it, I decided I should perhaps 'grow' first and see how things turn out before making any decision.

As it would turn out, I went for Corporate HOP earlier this month, and was introduced to one of the lay ministry staff who runs the Comms Ministry. Upon finding out that I was doing journalism/writing as a profession, she passed me her namecard and attempted to recruit me as a perm staff...hahaha! Mind you, my boss has been in the church for so ultra long that she knows almost everyone. Haha...Anyways, I met Shuk Yee on Sunday, and out of nowhere, she asked if I would be keen to join their team of writers (not perm). I agreed and here I am, apprehensive as I may be. I mean, I would be writing a whole new realm of articles...*ponders* But I did think about the fact that it may help boost my experience/improve myself.

Anyways, I did wonder if I made too hasty a decision liao. I mean, much as my 'gift'/'talent'/whatever may lie in writing, to write for the church also may get a little too overwhelming. As if I don't get enuff to write at work! And how about more deadlines to meet? *heart palpitates faster* Oh well...not nice to say no now rite...not that I would back out now lah. so we'll see how things go =) I do want things to work out of coz...I dun mind writing really. Well...just see how everything leads to then.

Hmm...can't remember much else of the stuff I had blogged about last nite. Silly Blogger.

Downright Angry!

2006-11-23T01:50:00.000+08:00

Ultra stupid blogger...I typed a nice long entry, and all that happened was, the server simply turned up an error message and goodbye to my post. Good loh...*fuming mad*