Whirlwind Work

Had an extremely hectic week, this entire week running up to Chinese New Year. Which I sorta expected, given that there is such a long stretch of holidays next week. Earlier this week I managed to complete a last minute shopping for the elusive blouses to match my skirts. Yeah, guys will never understand this. :)

I went to cover an interview yesterday, and I spent the whole day there. My client had arranged for a ship visit (& interview), so yep, I went up a container vessel berthed at Brani. A rather humongous ship, with 9 decks. Interestingly, all the crew members, whether cadets, ratings or officers have their own room with an attached bathroom. Shiok rite? haha...Of coz, I think there would be a difference as to whether the rooms assigned to them are big or small. The higher your rank the bigger of coz. And what's more, there was a distinction made between the mess area (eating place). They segregated a small area for those not in uniforms, and a bigger area for those in uniforms. For what reason? Well they say that area needs to stay clean - ie, uniforms. Granted, those lower ratings are in overalls and they work in dirty areas. I just don't like the idea that they discriminate. Oh well.

I spoke to one of the officers and he was telling me his life on and off board. Poor chap, he's married. Imagine leaving your wife and family behind while you sail around for as long as 6 months a stretch sometimes. True, you get to talk to your wife at home through the phone and internet (yes they have internet on board the ship, even as they sail). But the worry about your family, the homesickness...Sigh. These seafaring jobs are those that our dear local singaporeans don't want..while complaining that they don't have a job. *shrugs*

That same client now is trying to make arrangements for us to sail with a vessel for a couple of days to a nearby destination (probably Hong Kong) then we'll fly back. With that time spent in the ship we can get to know a seafarer's job and life on board better. Of coz, it will still be nothing compared to their round-the-world voyage. In a way, I do envy the fact that they can travel and see the world. That officer whom I spoke to? He's seen all the major cities around the world...some exotic places that I've never heard of even. Ha..

Think I desperately need proper and ENUFF rest. I've been resting some 7hrs a nite this entire week, but I wake every morning with a massive headache. I'm contemplating whether I should meet my fren tonite or just go home n rest. I'm tempted to go ahead with the latter, but today's outing with my fren was supposed to have taken place last week, but coz my sister gave birth so we didn't meet up. Decisions decisions decisions.

Ok, back to work now. Have fun tonite everyone...this run up to CNY eve, and CNY. Great stuff.

duh...

Decision-making forms part and parcel of our lives, whether big or small ones. And these decisions are the ones that affect us, whether directly or indirectly. Goes without saying I've changed my life with some of the decisions that I made. At some point in my life, realisation had hit me that I've altered my course with some of the decisions I made. That's when the what ifs and what if nots surfaced. Basically all other aspects of my life are rather ok...some rather wrong decisions had led me a little haywired. But really, the one messed up part is my love life. Upon looking back now, I sort of reflected on the number of wrongs I've committed, and the if-only-I-have-done-it stuff. And the whys...And the if-only-I-didn'ts. The hit-and-missed. Those I didn't even give a second thought then (but now realised that I should have). Those that I've treaded wrongly. Guess all these amount to why I'm paying through my nose now. Oh Gawd...why am I talking about these now... -.-"

End of week

This is an uber bad week. Extremely. Everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong. Mostly its work. Boss is unhappy with me (coz of something else lah). Work is piling on fast. Urgh...too depressing to go into details. My second sister has been admitted to hospital to induce labour (for her pregnancy). Her sugar levels has gone dangerously high and her gynae thought it best to birth the baby. Her gynae has warned of a risk that she may end up being diabetic. Oh man...Praying hard that the baby's birth will be ok. Should be receiving news that she has given birth soon. Initially I wanted to, but couldn't take leave today. I have a big editorial meeting this afternoon, so I guess I shall only go down to the hospital later this evening after I knock off from work. I'm really worried.

The editorial meeting was supposed to be this morning at 1030, and I was toying with the idea to take off from there to the hospital once the meeting ends. BUT while on our way there, the woman in charge called and asked if we've received an email telling us it's been postponed to 3pm. #$%^&*@ What the...?! We were only five minutes away from the place! Damn.

Came back to office and was settling down to do my stuff when I got an email from Boss. Bad stuff. Don't wanna talk about it. Depressing. There was nothing I could do but ignore it and continue doing my stuff as if nothing's happened. Whatever.

*****

Update 20 Jan

Sister dearest has given birth! Haha...midnite baby. Will be going down to visit her tonite. Now we've got 3 in the family born in the year of the rooster...Myself and the two little kids...And 3 in the family born in the month of January; my Dad, my eldest sister, and that newborn niece now. And more good news; we got the job on the mini coffee table book! Yay!! Looks like this week should end well after all. Heh...Though apologies to Pauline for not being able to meet ya tonite. But I know it's excusable yah? Haha...

Cheerios!

Thanks to all who text me...I know I was a cause for concern these couple of days and weeks...*grin* me=touched...really. I'm alrite =)

Let's see. I'm really excited about a new project that's coming up. My boss told me briefly yesterday that we are in the running for a job, with a high possibility of landing it, for a mini coffee table book. It's actually one of our clients (a union) that's celebrating their 60th anniversary this year, and they were initially asking for a quote for one of those boring souvenir magazines. Cindy (boss) tried to sell them another idea, which they have rather taken to it. The idea is to write sixty stories about the union, since its history. Sixty untold, uncut and compelling stories that people and members didn't know about; sixty stories to reminisce, laugh or cry about. Something people would want to pick up and read, and not stop till they are done. I'm thrilled...really excited about this. The very thought of getting down to interviewing and talking to the persons involved and writing their stories sends a rush of adrenaline down my spine...wahahaha...

But the client has yet to say yes to it. They are still pending the EXCO approval (afterall the stories may spin off some gossip fodder and in a very real sense, they may even air some dirty linen...I don't know), plus, whether their Management counterparts (not the Union side, but the company side) is willing to pay for it. We'll know their decision come next Friday, 19 Jan. And all of us are crossing our fingers...twisting in fact. Ha!

In the meantime, I'm contented with my next assignment (on top of my usual ones). A small one. I'm writing a feature story on the adidas customised track shoes for one of SAA's sports magazines. Yay. I've more or less thought about how to angle that story liao.

I brought Isa shopping for her birthday on Weds after work. Our haul wasn't too bad. I bought a skirt and a jacket. She bought the same skirt and jacket, plus two blouses, another skirt and a pair of jeans. Nice. Haha..We (office peeps) paid for that skirt and jacket for her as her birthday prezzy. That girl always comes dressed in some jeans and t-shirt, or denim skirts. Time for a revamp. Haha...In the end, I had a good time throwing clothes to her n asking her to try them on, and she had a great time trying 美美的 clothes. Haha. Shopping is just so fun...so therapeutic. Sigh...No money liao. This shopping trip marks the second this week. I met fen on Sunday for shopping too, after she was Wong Yi's ROM receptionist. That day, I bought a pair of atas-looking pumps, a top and a skirt. Haha...seems like I've been buying skirts only. Hmm...I need to go shop again. Actually I'm not spending CNY this yr too, as a mark of respect for my grandad who passed away last year. But I thought I would like to have some new clothes for the new year is all. Then again, I buy new clothes almost every month. Gawd...I've sure burst my credit card for the past three months liao. *cold sweat*

It's sucky how after this string of holidays, everything is gonna end with the coming and going of CNY. Then it's full steam ahead after the celebratory season is over. Work work work...I hope it will be a fulfilling year (work especially) this year.

Nothing

It seems that just sometimes, the more we go after something, the more we lose sight of those things that matter more. And being human beings, the things we tend to pursue are mere materialistic items. C'mon, which one us don't? And how many of us care more for worldly matters? To begin with, man is selfish. Everything begins with "I" before all else, isn't it? It's just that along the way, the experiences that we amassed, the lessons that we gained, mould us into what we eventually are. But this state doesn't remain definite. We continue to change, to evolve...or even mutate into something that is so unlike us to begin with. Such is the diversity amongst man. The good and the bad.

Our aims change over time. Our goals deviate from what we set out to do. But never for one moment do we stop going after things..sometimes albeit blindly. It's cliche, but true. We never know what we have, we never treasure what we have, until it's too late, until it's lost. Instead, the one thing in our mind is only to lament about what we don't have. THen again, if man isn't greedy, we shall not see progress. If not for want, we may never see improvement. We shall all live in poverty. But will we be happy? We shall all be one and the same level. Who is to say one is of a lower strata than the other? So will discrimination still exist?

The popular vs the unwelcomed. The smart vs the slow-witted. The skin-deep beauty vs the physically-revolting. The fat vs the thin. The gifted vs the spastic. The rich vs the poor. The educated vs the unschooled.

I've always believed that there are two sides to a coin. Every coin. Where there's bad, there's an equal good combating it. Such is the balance of the scale. You just need to look hard enough. I've always lived my life by that principle. THat's perhaps nature's way of making life fair. Some people just choose to focus on what he doesn't have and that others have them. The grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it? That makes life real tiring aint it? I seem to be losing that focus lately. This perhaps, will serve as a wake-up call to reality, for myself.

I wish...

All sorts of thoughts and emotions running through my mind now...feeling lost and confused now, so empty. I'm not sure what got into me...what got me into this state of upheaval. Just wanna crawl under my covers n bawl my eyes out. Somehow there seemed to be a lot of negative feelings around and within me these days.

I wished I could turn back the time. I wished I had done certain things. I wished I had said what I wanted to say. I wished I hadn't done certain things. I wished I hadn't acted in certain ways. I wished I had done my best. But clearly I hadn't. What a disappointment I am.

Chill

Irritating. Yes that's how this post will start.

I was at the stadium doing my usual weekend runs when, of all times, it started to rain. Man...it threatened to rain all day since morning, but never did. But just when I was halfway through my rounds, it began to drizzle. Remember I was supposed to run yesterday but didn't coz of the rain? Well, today aint any better. I was at my 9th round when the drizzle came. I mumbled prayers under my breath while panting like an asthmatic to make the rain go away. Actually I don't ask for much. Just don't turn into some storm please please please. Of coz it didn't happen. I was into my 11th round when lightning cracked. Sigh. Just another half hour more before the stadium closes for the day and the sky just wouldn't let up.

The rain got heavier while the remaining runners (less than 10 of us) hung around at the stadium, hoping against hope that the rain would take a breather and we can all be on our way home. Instead, it rained even harder. I sat at the stands, watching the flooding tracks and muddy field reverberating with each splash of the rain. Thankfully I had my ipod with me, but looking at the battery bar, there wasn't much strength left in it. I just prayed like mad again that it would hold up. Eventually the kind attendant lent me and this other lady an umbrella "to share". As if we stay together. Well at least we are going in the same direction for a small part. I bet he must have been eagerly waiting to lock the place up and be on his way home. Afterall he can shut down early for today. *shrug* K lah, I shan't be mean. :)

For once I didn't really like the rain. But just for just now lah. *grin* It's just that running is the one way I get to de-stress after an entire week of crap and unhappiness. It allows me to clear my mind, and as with all exercises, the oxidation process makes me happy at the end of it. Not to mention the sense of achievement I get and a healthy mind and body. Muahaha...I sound like a a nag now. Alrite, just some grouses to get off my chest.

Lotsa things ran through my mind while I sat at the stadium and staring at the rain. Like how time just past me by year after year. Thinking about what I don't have, to what I have, and to what I want to have. I thought about the things I want to buy, in the short and long term. I even made up a few resolutions along the way. Ha...It would be even better if I had a good book with me. Best time for reflection I guess. Maybe that's why the rain came down. *thoughtful*

Ok, I'm still compiling my resolution list. Long time since I did this. Be patient.

Treasure Your Loved Ones...Before it's too late

If love was a bird, then we wouldn't have wings.
If love was the sky we'd be blue.

If love was a fire, then we have lost the spark.
Love never felt so cold.

If love was a light, then we're lost in the dark.
Left with no one to hold.

If love was a sport, we're not on the same team.
And you and I are destined to lose.

If love was a choir, you and I could never sing -
'Cause love isn't for me and you.

If love was an Oscar, you and I could never win -
'Cause we could never act out our parts.

If love is the Bible, then we are lost in sin -
'Cause it's not in our hearts.

If love was an ocean, then we are just a stream -
'Cause love isn't for me and you.

I know. We had some good times

It's sad but now, we gotta say goodbye.
You know. I love you. I can't deny.
Can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I.

I know it hurts so much, but it's best for us.
Somewhere along this winding road we lost the trust.
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry.
It's killing me so, why don't you go...

So why don't you go your way, and I'll go mine.
Live your life, and I'll live mine.
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine.
'Cause we're better off,
So much better off -

Separated

*******

Some beautiful words that would touch the core of your heart, but certainly not words to be joyous over. Dunno what got into me...omg. Some melancholic mood I'm in. And it's the first day of the new year! Speaking of which...



Coming up next...How about some - New Year Resolutions!

Happy 2006!

Happy New Year to everyone...Nice rainy weather isn't it? Well I guess there are definitely alot of ppl out there planning on a smashing good time tonight (given the holiday tomoro) and didn't count on the rain to ruin it all or dampen the day. In my room now, sitting at my table punching away on my laptop while looking out of the window occasionally at the rain...nice.

I spent my NY eve catching a movie...the last movie of 2005. Haha..and I bought myself a rather big piggy bank. Don't laugh..I've been wanting a piggy bank for a rather long time (a nice one though). You see, despite saving accounts with the bank and stashing money away in some obscure corner of my drawer, I still feel I can do some good picking up the coins lying around my table. One, my table is neater, and two of course, I'm richer. Heh...But seriously, I do feel that the conventional way of saving ie. piggy bank, can see some result. I know I won't bother to dig into it (seriously!)

Oh yes...it was a good ending to 2005. Money-wise at least. First and foremost, congrats to everyone for picking up bonuses. Me included. Haha...and a very healthy one too! *Shining eyes* Probably what some would consider more than "healthy". At first I was a more than surprised. But I guess it's good reward for my hard work. Hehe...

Ok, I've more or less mapped out how I'm gonna spend the money. Of coz I aint gonna spend everything; but certainly a good part of it. For one thing, I'm gonna give some money to my dad. I mean, every month I give money to my mom but not to my dad (not enuff $ loh), so when I have extra, I would set aside $ for him. Next, top on my list is.....Yes! My digital camera! Finally! It's been eons since my Canon Ixus died on me and I've been wanting to buy one for the longest time. So finally, the money is here...means I can buy it! *claps gleefully*

Sadly, there are thousand and one things I would like to do with the money. My mind was already spinning about that holiday next year and I thought I should set this sum aside for that. THen my mom dealt me with a reality blow - "Thought you want to do your Masters?" Damn. I clean forgot about that. I retorted (weakly though) that I still don't have enough, how to study? And mommy dearest said "buy less things and forgo the holidays and all". Sigh.

My bro and I took our parents out for supper last night for some of their fav hawker fare. And when we reached home, there was an unwelcome guest in the form of a lizard. *shriek* My bro and dad tried to corner it but this fella was a slippery one. It managed to give them the slip, playing hide and seek under the furniture and stuff. Finally my dad grabbed hold of it and threw it out of the window...wahahaha. I thought that was the end of it. Until I stepped on something rubbery. omg. No prizes for guessing...The lizard's tail! EEEEEE!! Urgh!! Puke!! I screamed but to no avail. Everyone ignored me. My mom was too engrossed in her newspaper while my dad & bro was following the EPL match too closely to even notice anything. Damn.

*****

Jackson is flying back tonite on a wee hour morning flight. I met up with him on Friday for a quick dinner. It was impromptu, so I didn't bring his present with me. So bopian, I went over to his place to pass him the stuff. He gave me a jar of colourful candy (from Bondi Beach), flew in from Australia. Haha...Sat talking to him for a short while and fed the mosquitoes in the meantime. Sickening. The sun was still up and blazing hot then, and when I bade him farewell, the sky was clouded and shrouded alredy. I curse silently and prayed that I would make it in time before the buckets poured. Sure enough, I didn't make it. Drenched.

That moment of farewell was so poignant...Imagine saying "see ya next year (when this year had just begun! gawd...) and study hard." before I boarded the bus in a rush. I sat down and begun brooding already. When the downpour came, it made everything so grey. When I got off the bus and got caught in the rain, and by the time I stepped home, I was totally wet. Somehow that moment was so blue and maddening, I just teared. Sigh. I know. Weakling. I guess I'm just being emotional. I hate such moments of separation. Whether it's family or friends, so long as if that person will be gone for a long time, I would get all emotional and teary. Some more this is one of those frens whom I've known for the longest time. Gawd. Gimme a break.

Yep, It's raining. And I can't go for my run. I feel really lazy and "dumpy". Didn't run yesterday coz was out, can't run today coz it rained. Guess I have to do it tomoro evening. Actually, the rain stopped liao. In place is a really light drizzle I think. But I guess it's not advisable to go on running. I wouldn't want to slip and fall. Or catch some sick bug. (or am I finding convenient excuses?)

Anyways...just the usual grouses. Here's to a greater year ahead! Cheers! *Champagne flutes clinking* =D