Long overdue post...sometimes just too caught up with work, with things, or plain lazy. My thoughts just come and go, just fly by like that, before I can effectively catch them down on paper (or virtual paper, for that matter).
I must say that 2007 is a moving year for me. I moved house, and now my office is re-locating. Not that I'm terribly excited, coz we haven't really found a new location, and I seriously am worried that we may relocate to the east. Horrors of all horrors! I mean, my home has just moved further west and now some joke this is that my office will shift further east? *praying and perspiring profusely*
We had a "bad scare" very recently...Tricia had actually tendered her resignation and was moving on to another company. Tricia is by far the most senior staff here in office - she's been here for the past 4 years. She's only 24 years old by the way, not some old grumpy aunties. Haha...I'm one year her junior in office, clocking in at 3 yrs. Hee...Anyways, she was moving on, after 4 years, and her last day would have been Apr 20. We were all sad to see her go. As you know, we are all on very good terms with each other...the office is kinda like our second home. But I guess her boss was pretty sad to see her go. He tried to propose various options to make her stay, to which she felt wasn't reason enough. It looked like a foregone conclusion alredy...until yesterday. Tricia asked me for my opinion about an offer that her boss gave. Basically Moses (her boss) offered to pay for 50% of her degree course, and all he asked is that she continue working for him over the next 3 years of her studies, that's all. That's it. Shiok rite...I was like...sigh...no one can pass up that kind of offer one loh...I laid down her options & opportunity costs, which isn't difficult to decide. So yeah, her decision was reversed! Phew...haha..coz I don't take separations very well. I hate saying goodbyes...has always been like that. When my bro was going overseas for his studies then, each time he came bck n left, I would be so upset...or death. You know, permanent separation. The person only lives in your memories, lives in your heart, which is never enuff for me. Since I was young, I've alredy decided that I want to die before my partner does. It's selfish of me, but I don't want to have to hurt over his departure. I mean, best if we go together lah..but like how often that happens peacefully? (Key: peacefully, not violent deaths ok) Anyways..getting morbid.
I've actually considered about the possibility of leaving quietly when it's my time to leave the company. You know, just..don't breathe a word to anyone..of course, need the co-operation of the boss. Coz I know just about how I won't bear to leave this bunch of ppl...I'm just guessing the process may be made easier if no one knew I was leaving...right?
At one point, I was actually feeling rather happy and upbeat, bcoz of the advice I've given Tricia, and bcoz of the comfort I gave to a friend when she was feeling down in the doldrums. Not that I helped solve her problem or what, but I was glad that I was there for her, that she trusted me enough to come to me, to acknowledge that I am there for her. Couple of days later when things were better with her, she happily "updated" me about how things are better now for her. I'm not her super duper buddy sort to her, but I cared enough to be sad and heartbroken for her when she felt pain; and I cared enough to really be glad for her when she was smiling.
But other than that, this last week hasn't gone very smoothly for me. Somehow things are just topsy-turvy...Some work place issues, issues with myself...I don't know what's wrong with me these days. Apart from feeling restless, I just don't seem to be in control of myself, of my emotions. I become impatient, am short-tempered, I become critical, I basically seem to be on the verge of "losing" it. Or otherwise I am upset, feeling down, feeling sad...in all, im like so negative a person. =( I feel so...alone now..like there's no one I can talk to. It's not that I have no frens or what..but it's just like there's not one whom I want to talk to...there just seems to be so much pent-up frustration in me, yet I just can't pin-point what exactly. I certainly hope this is just a one-off mood thing.
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