I know I ought to be studying now...but I just can't seem to catch hold of my mood. I know I'll feel guilty about blogging instead of doing revision, but heck..I'll leave that to later. I guess I just have to piah doubly hard later tonite.
I completed my first paper last friday...the weeks and days leading up to that was a total nightmare...no, torture would be more apt. Right up to the last week before the paper, I was rushing some stupid assignment. THen when I finally could get down to the proper revision, I realised, to my horror, that 1) there was too much to study and 2) I was studying too slowly. In any case, I was on the verge of giving up. Actually I did throw my hands up in despair...was just too sick of the whole damn thing to get on with anything. Well I guess you can say it was a miracle that I decided to turn up for the paper after all.
I turned up for a paper that I hadn't even revised past 3 chapters. "Gung-ho" huh..but not that I wanted it this way loh. I guess you can really call it a miracle if I passed. I was so depressed...I prayed so feverishly just to let me pass..although the words of the Dean still rang loud and clear in my ears - on average, students should be getting As and Bs...if you are getting Cs (ie. just passing), you ought to look at yourself again and buck up. Nothing harsh, true in fact, but that feeling is really...sux I'd say. And you know what, having come out from that exam, I knew if I had time to study harder, it's really not difficult! And I'd really want to kick myself for this - I just had this gut feeling, so loud and clear, that these 2 particular chapters will surely be tested on...but I just didn't devote time to that. How stupid can I get huh..Well yes, there were 2 essay questions on that -.- Crap.
It wasn't like what I wanted it to be..studying I mean. I wanted it to be an enjoyable process, since the last thing I want is for it to be like how the situation was back in the NUS degree days. I mean, afterall, this is not my first degree, I don't need this to get me a job or something..I want to be able to explore the stuff I'm studying and go more in-depth, instead of studying for the grades. But guess what, as it is, I already am doing just that loh - studying for the grades instead of knowledge. That kinda feeling is distasteful, really. Sigh.
I can't deny what I'm going to do if I really flunk the module. So embarassing rite? but to quit is also equally embarassing! Sigh. But it'll be so sian loh...to have to repeat the module...I not know what to do. Argh. I hope they'll b kind not to flunk me..or that my assignments and projects can help out a little. The last thing I want is to see my friends progressed to year 2 or somthing while I have to repeat a module with my juniors! *Horrors! As if it's of any comfort - Eugene said the same thing too, that if he were to flunk any module this sem (which I very much doubt so), he would quit immediately and cut losses. To which Jac said, logically they'll not flunk anyone, at least not in the first sem, coz they want to earn your $ (sch fees). They know ppl will start dropping out if they flunk, and there goes the $ they can earn. If they want to flunk ppl, it would be till sub sems, when u are so deep into it that you can't quit when u flunk coz you would hv put so much into it liao. Heh...some kind of "wai1" li...(crooked reasoning) haha...
Anyways, I'm still on study leave. Clearing my leave too...I'll leave the news to the next entry *winks...But well, after my last paper, I'll be returning to work on Thursday. Yep yep, my next and last paper will be on Weds...Communications Research. I hate research really, but the prof is a nice lecturer. =) As always, I study for the teacher/lecturer (habit since sec sch). heh. The paper is going to be application style, though it's not open book. It's so me to procrastinate...I haven't had much revision done. Oh well..I ought to go on about it soon...I mean, really really soon, like NOW. Heh..more updates soon...Ciao!
Oh yes...my dear dear is touching down tonite! Happiness! I can see him tonite liao! Happiness! Hee...Can't wait!
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