Life's busy and all...as usual. When I can't really find the time to blog, it would take some other reason to make me find the time to do it. Like when I feel strongly about something, or when I just have the sudden urge...like now.
Dunno why...felt a little down today. Could be stress, could be exhaustion due to work (facing so many darn deadlines now)...But somehow there's this innate feeling that kept nagging at me. Perhaps I've missed my QT once too often...Perhaps things just aren't going well for me. Past few weeks have been rather crap. The tension in office was not just mounting, it sort of even threatened to explode any moment. THankfully, nothing happen...as yet. Not just me, everyone else felt it too. Black ugly faces prevalent everywhere. And I'm the sort who gets really affected by people's moods and emotions.
Today was slightly better...though slightly only. Boss did a work (& pay =D) review with me today. Basically we went through the things that she wants me to take on while managing the usual. Good that it's a sign that I'm still useful around (ha!...I know that sounds cynical). Of coz there were things I knew I needed to bring to the next level. Thankfully, she didn't mention anything about my chronic (un)punctuality problem. Hee...ok lah, I aint that bad lah...just not on time =) But hey, I put in long hrs at work...I practically work like a dog with no rest, so she has no reason to complain!
Of coz, the part about having complaints also came up. And of coz, I didn't mention anything...how could I? -.-'' Of coz there was the pay review part..hehe..there was an increment and a small interim bonus...not fantastic (not really up to my expectations...but well *shrug*), but better than none. Isabel had her review the day before. Yeah, that means I only got my pay cheque today...sigh
Should have been happy, or at least light-hearted. But no. Somehow, after a friend told me about her problem with her bf (a make-or-break situation), I couldn't concentrate on my work anymore. I can't pinpoint on what the problem was for me, but as a result of that confiding, I began to feel down, even bawl my eyes out or something...What's wrong with me?!
It's not like I'm close to both of them (as a couple) or am so in touch with their relationship. Of coz I'm close to that fren, and I know the ups and downs she went through sometimes with her bf. But somehow the worry just gushed out when she told me the deadlock she's in now. They really are a compatible couple...maybe it's coz I dun wish to see them break up. Maybe it's the tears I see welling up in her eyes after she confided in me. My heart just goes out to her. I wish I could do something.
It's really frustrating when one seemed unable to make peace with oneself. The times when we try to unearth the problem and yet not getting any answers...feel like killing myself sometimes.
I keep telling people that I need a break, that I need to take leave and stay home or something. And I think perhaps this is a sign alredy. But I just haven't got down to it. Maybe it really is time to do just that. But I know myself...I need a real break! I just want to go away; get away from all these hustle & bustle. A wild idea just came to my mind...Since no one could make it this time (with me), I should be daring and go myself huh? Time to really spend time with myself...good book in hand or something *ponders* But I know I'm too scardy for that -.-'' Arghhhhh! I hate myself so.
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