Nursing a mild flu, but can't really sleep. I guess it must hve something to do with the fact that I'm on medical leave tomorrow (therefore don't have to work)...can't bear to go to bed. I was on leave the last couple days...since last weds. Guess I didn't treasure the days off, till it's too late. Having flu is no fun, but I guess this flu did in a way, come at a good time. THen again, MCs are usually treasured stuff.
Was just surfing my FB account, after playing my usual restaurant city. Went to look at some friends' photos and stuff...and suddenly thought of some friends whom I haven't heard, or even seen their updates on FB. Not even a tag of their pics or something. So...on impulse, I sent one of such friends, a short message, asking him how he's doing. I guess the last time I "talked" to him (and it was through sms...blame technology I guess) was...last year? or was it at least 2 years back, when he wished me a happy birthday through sms. I don't remember how I responded, but I guess I must have just said thank you, or something polite. Anyway, the thought of him tonight sort of made me recall how we used to talk or went out on dates. But I guess things didn't work out, and to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings, I had decided to cut the communication, to simply hi-byes.
I don't know...was I too callous? We went out a couple of times...He was a nice guy, really..it seemed as though something was going to happen between us. But I guess he was tooooo nice. Not that I want him to be evil or something. But I guess for me, I just have this issue about guys who are too nice, and will-get-bullied sort. (Ask my current bf...that was one of the main reasons I had rejected him years ago..haha..though he may not remember it >.<) Anyways...this guy, he was so nice, he didn't get mad at me at all, even when he'd figured out I was erm...using him. Using him as a substitute, in a way. I had my heart broken by another guy who had commitment issues (talk about the irony), and this guy was there for me. He went out with me when I was bored, talked to me coz I couldn't sleep, spent money on stuff he usually wouldn't (he was quite a thrifty squirrel). Till the point it dawned on me what I was really doing to my life, and his (I swear I had no intention of "playing" him..I had thought him n me would work out). I could still remember vividly what he had told me, when I tried to explain things to him, and apologise. He told me he knew he was only a substitute, and that it was a matter of time before I would realise, and things between us would change. Gawd...the guilt I had felt was so tremendous...I really had nothing to say. I couldn't even bring myself to say sorry now. Coz it felt like sorry would never be enough. I mean, it was like, the guy gave his heart totally, even though he knew we will never be. How I could be so mean, I can't fathom either. I hope he truly finds someone he deserves.
Yup so... ... just wondering how he's doing now.
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