Will You Wait For Me?

I need to talk with you again
Why did you go away?
All our times together
Just feels like yesterday

I never thought I'll see
A single day without you
The things we take for granted
we can sometimes lose

Do you remember how it was
That we never seem to care
The days went by so quickly
Coz I thought you'll always be there

Though it's hard to let you go
Though I know that I must try
I feel like I've been cheated
Coz we never said goodbye

Time will pass me by
Maybe I'll never learn to smile
But I know I'll make it through
If you wait for me...
Won't you wait for me?

And all tears I cry
No matter how I try
They'll never bring you home to me
Won't you wait for me, in heaven?

Coz I miss you so,
And I need to know
Will you wait for me?

Struck upon an Idea!

*Blardy hell* I created a nice entry and just because some system fault, they refreshed my page and asked me to re-log in...and they were so "nice" to give me a fresh clean slate to start my blog....ALL OVER AGAIN! Crap...

As I was saying....

I went out with a colleague after work today, because both our plans fell through. We went down to Suntec City for some gratifying Sushi dinner, and both of us ended up so full that we decided to take a walk around Suntec to digest the hearty meal...yeah, it was the ideal excuse for some window shopping *hehehe*

Hmm...sure, everyone gets along fantastically well with everyone else. But it's such after-office get-togethers that really bond people, never mind if it's just two of us. In fact, I'm glad it's just the two of us today. Got to know her even better today, and found out a wee bit more about her (and she about me). I'm glad!

After I came home n was showering (that's when I get alot of ideas...some silly, some interesting), I chanced upon the idea to write about something really different in my blogs. Instead of my usual whinings (yah yah I noe), this time I'm gonna write about the people in my office, as many as I can. (There will still be my usual whinings though..don't think you've gotten rid of me) I think it's interesting and meaningful to dedicate a page of my blog to the people I enjoy working with in office. And I'm gonna make it interesting by putting up their photos. Afterall, humans are visual creatures and I think it's nice to put a face to the person I'm talking about. THough of coz, I sincerely hope netizens will be kind enough not to use their pictures illegally. Trust that you won't rite? *grinz*

Today being Monday, I'm certainly not gonna embark on it tonight. Will certainly start once I get in the mood *hehe*...probably tomoro or the day after...keep looking back ok? =)

Boring..

Sigh...yes, I'm still in Singapore. Well, my boss figured that it would be easier for her to answer to her parents than to have to answer to mine. Besides, our client has chartered a plane to fly within Indonesia, and there just isn't enuff vacancies. My boss said that she initially intended to pay for me to go with her, even if the client should refused. But of course, the problem now wasn't payment..."Not allowed to..." Oh well...

Boring weekend this is. Tuition and more tuition classes...my students having their exams in 2 weeks' time, and as I had said before, one is taking his PSLE while the other one is in Sec 3. There just isn't enough time to cover everything. Sometimes I really wonder...the kids themselves are not worried! Why am I, the tuition teacher, tearing my hair out? *dry laughter*

And work is gonna get heavy again...the hectic cycle is about to begin all over again as previously did...Sigh! Nothing much to say...Just wanna blog abit *hehe*

Last Weekend...

An interesting Friday and fun-filled Saturday I've had...

My boss and I attended a Mid-Autumn Celebration organised by a client on Friday night. Everything was going as per normal; we mingled around, took pictures (supposed to go there as guests, but we ended up working) and all..witnessed one of their newly appointed directors (whom we are going to feature in this month's newsletter) got drunk and keeled over on the floor. Gosh...poor chap. He seemed a really nice chap (my boss said so too), and we even chatted with him earlier in the evening. And everyone had to witness that...and on top of that, imagine the horrors of your boss being treated to the sight of your drunken stupor. I wonder if he was made to drink (like we were), or that he drunk himself silly...Anyways, we left the place close to 9, and I went to Tiong Bahru to meet Amy and her friend for a movie (Sound of Thunder). By then, I was starting to itch, though it wasn't that serious..thankfully.

The movie was interesting, about evolution of man and the world, though it barely qualifies as a B-grade movie with B-grade actors. Not fantastic...just interesting to see the evolution of the man and creatures if things didn't happen the way they did. Oh well...I just love watching movies...Not a movie buff, butloves movies enough to want to watch almost anything..*grin* and would be an additional bonus if the movie is good or at least belongs to a genre which I like.

And no gasps please, but I went to the Nokia Starlight Cinema on Saturday night (movies again!). They were screening "Batman" and "Fantastic 4" back to back, and by the time we headed back home, it was wee hours of the morning (cab again). I must say that outdoor cinema is really an entirely whole new different experience! And it's nice! Regretted not going for more previously. This time round, it was held at the Padang, and I heard previously, when Stella Artois sponsored, it was at Fort Canning. According to my friend who's been to both, Padang is still a better option. Anyways, it really is nice, sitting under the stars and night, watching movies (whether nice anot is a different story) in the light breeze...heavenly! But I guess the real icing would be a romantic atmosphere - to watch under the starlight with your loved one. Sigh...Anyways, I just can't wait for the next one!

In fact, I would love to go for another round of starlight movie...if only someone would not mind going with me :) I guess mabbe by next year's starlight movies, I may just be able to bring along a special someone with me! *wahahaha*

I don't like it...

...when people stroll along or walk at some leisurely pace while hogging the entire width of the pavement! For goodness, have some cow sense that (1)the pavement does not belong to you; (2)there are people rushing behind you...Keep to one side brothers and sisters!

...when someone takes their own sweet time trying to decide whether they want to move on to the left or right side of carriage of the mrt train while the whole world is rushing to get into the train behind you before the door closes! What does it matter? One of the sides bestows better tidings for their journey? Please think about the poor souls behind you who are being pushed into the train while the commuters yet behind them grunt and push against everyone else!

...when once again, the I'm-so-worldly, yet lack-of-common-sense idiots hog the escalators. Yes! Simple rule of "keep left unless overtaking"-- need I say more, moron?

Burnt-Out

Here are some other pictures...nothing eerie about these though. *grin* Isabel (my colleague) and I were feeling playful and while I was scanning some stuff, we struck on the idea to scan something different; namely, our hands. Of course, she being the designer, she added the dash of colours and style and voila! It turned out different from the boring ol' pictures that were actually scanned...Such wonders of technology huh? *grin*

It's mid-week today, but I think I have enough excitement for the week now, thank you very much. The craziness counter hit an all-time high on Monday, when apart from having to stay back and rush work, we had to sprint to the printers, and following that, fly down to the airport. Yes, the airport. Mind you, this was a very rush job...A rash one too, I would say, for my boss to accept. But I guess, as with any boss, who doesn't hope to rake in more dough yah? Besides, the client is exactly the type any boss would love - wealthy and huge MNC with generous budget most of the time, and is not really stingy about it. Client only contacted us on Friday afternoon, and she wants it to be delivered by Monday. Problem is, we don't work on weekends, and she wanted the specs changed last minute on Monday. Monday! To make matters worse, the graphics she provided were not high-resolution, so the designers had to re-create from scratch. That was real tedious, considering the number of posters and the huge number of graphics she had. The only fortunate thing is that the quantity was not alot. Imagine the time it would have taken to print them!

Anyways, we rushed down to the printer, spent an hr there doing printing, and immediately zipped down to the airport, where the client was waiting at the immigration checkpoint. I think we are darn lucky for sure, and perhaps it was a will of God, but the client's flight was delayed! Amazing stuff isn't it? There were many flights taking off that night, and hers was the only one that was re-timed, from 1130pm to 1205am. We reached the airport at 1145pm, barely made it! If her flight hadn't been re-timed, we definitely wouldn't be able to make it *Whew*

And so the story goes on...I think we are all suffering a burn-out...very soon, if not now...whydoyouthinkimtypingthisway?

Sadako or Ju-Onn?

Hey everyone, look at this!

What do you make out of this?

Last Friday, my colleague Amy and I worked late and went for some supper at Lau Pa Sat before heading home in a cab. We decided to claim that cab fare, and this was the receipt she got. According to Amy, she didn't notice that image on the receipt at that instance, nor did she see anything strange when she transfered this receipt to her other wallet. Only when she was filling in the claim form this morning did she see this. Creepy isn't it?

We showed this around the office, and everyone agreed that this image simply gives goosebumps.

For the clueless, the image looks like a smiling face, and what makes this even more eerie is, the girl (agree?) looks straight out from one of those Japanese or Korean Horror movies (like Ju-On or dark water or whatever...worst of all, remember the horrifying images in The Ring?), complete with its errie smile...*shudders*

One of the bosses in my office even commented that the girl in the image seemed to be sitting in the cab, and the black panel on the left side doubles up as the window; which means the picture is as if it were taken from the front view of the "girl"...*trembling* In the first place, when he mentioned that the "girl" in question seemed to be sitting in the cab, both Amy and I nearly freaked out...

Blue here blue there...everywhere BLUE...

Slacked the whole of Saturday away, and before I knew it, it's Monday again! Sigh..well, not exactly slack..I brought some work home to do and I stayed up till 5am to finish one part of it, so technically, I have a legitimate reason to wake up late *hehe* Anyway, after rise and shine at 12 in the early noon, I was kept busy by tidying the numerous cupboards and cabinets in my room. The result is indeed satisfying! *grin*

You see, I have one of those long type of table, where some of my books and novels sits on, and where my laptop is too. However, with the tons of uncleared stuff I had collected, I barely have space to rest my arm on, much lest an area to write. I realised that I seriously needed to clear out a portion of my desk so that I would have space to write and do my work on. My bedroom and especially my desk area is where I spend a large part of my time at, be it doing work on the computer, doing some reading or writing some stuff. Anyways, six hours of clearing and packing yielded the much-needed results, and voila! I cleared away the accumulated stuff and a space as well. *Phew* Looking forward to making use of the space soon. Mabbe one of these days I shall post a picture of my room and the said-desk area..*laugh*

It's a hectic day as usual today, and I'm swarmed as usual. Had to lunch in today with my other colleagues. I'm not really complaining though, coz Singapore's weather in the afternoon is murder. Actually, I'd rather be busy and swarmed with work than to have to find work to do..*haha* of coz, once in a while, I hope for a breather, and just take things slow.

Alrite, lunch is back...need to makan and then get back to work.

Oh, have the sudden whim to put some thoughts down(doesn't matter if I sound incoherent):

Don't wanna try so hard anymore. The more I try, the more elusive it becomes. I take a step forward, and you either take two steps back, or you show nonchalence...or disappear altogether. I get tired, I pause or even start retreating, and there you come now, trying to draw me out again. Yes, there's nothing, but it certainly feels hard to even be friends. Mind games? Well, I'm not playing anymore. I feel hurt...really I do.

Work Work Work Work Work...Workaholic?

This week has been ultra hectic and fast-paced. I have practically been working late every single day (except for Wednesday, when I left office at 7.30pm...not so early after all). On average, I worked till 10pm; and I hit an all-time high on Tuesday night, when I left office at 1.30am and reach home half hour later by cab...all my family members were asleep by then. Sigh...

One of my friends actually asked me if I were a workaholic. Initially I said no, but after pointing out the "symptoms" to me, I re-think again and well...I guess I must admit that I am one, to a certain extent; and I can be if I want to. It's because of the passion I have for my job that I'm willing to put in the long and irregular hours at work. Besides, it is a fact that if it's your work, your responsibility, you should and you must finish it, agree? At the end of the day, nobody can and is going to help u finish your load for you, so one will have to clear your stuff, no matter how high the pile is, right? Time management is not an issue, because I believe (and I've been told) that I handle more jobs and faster too, than the last girl, whom I've heard to cry a few times a week because she feels pressurised and stressed.

Before I come across as pompous, I'm certainly not. There are times when I feel stressed and overwhelmed by the workload too, but I guess so far, I can still manage the stress cum work load. Of course, with the help of my very own methods of stress relief..And yes, sometimes I do have to work on weekends and I do bring work home on weekends to do too. *heh*

Of course, my friend pointed out a point worth considering too; that I have to start to learn to manage my priorities. Since time management is not an issue, managing my priorities and expectations has to kick in. I must agree to a certain extent that I didn't really manage my priorities. Then again, everyone would want to bring in as much and accomplish as much as possible while they are young, agree? I guess that I'm thankful that somehow, I do manage to find time for myself, and with my friends. But for once, I think I will go consider about the point "managing priorities and expectations". ;) Oh, and a good anecdote too:

Throwing a frog into a pot of boiling water doesn't kill it because it will leap out. The frog dies only if it is placed in a pot of water that is cooked slowly, but surely, over the fire. Dies as the water heightens to boiling point.

Moral of the story? Well, one knows and will raise the alarm when the work load accumulates to a point beyond coping; but he/she, when work is alot but still manageable, will think he/she can still hang on. But it's almost like a slow but sure way to die..like the frog! Haha...Thanks Mael. One of the better anecdotes I've heard in ages. :)

Another friend commented that I've sold myself to the company. Well, perhaps I am, but why not? I mean, my boss treats me well, and I see her as a role model whom I can learn alot from, so why shouldn't I do my best by her? Of course, given the above reason, it also means that I want to do my best because I don't want to disappoint her.

I think I'm amazed with myself sometimes too. I still give tuition on weekends and a day of the weekday, and still finds the time to help my parents with their work during the weekends too. Haha...but yeah, I do feel exhausted and tired..like now. And I think I'm coming down with cough and flu now..I guess it's due to my lack of sleep this week. Well, the weekend is here...hopefully I can get some rest this weekend and recoup some of my energy. I'm certainly going to need it for next week!

Not Again!

Guess what? When I opened my eyes this morning (after much difficulty as usual), I did what I would normally do - check my handphone. Hmm...three messages through the nite?

When I first saw the sender, I realised it was my ex-boyfriend. My first thought was "uh-oh, not again!". I was so-not-in-the-mood to entertain anything from him, and I half expected him to blast me again in his SMS, which he had already done on Sunday afternoon. Every now and then, he would get into these fits of temper-throwing at me, for all kinds of business. Honestly, I was and am getting sick and tired of his tantrums...for one, it spoils my mood EVERYTIME he smses me, whether its good or bad news. Secondly, he LIKES to spoil my mood with his SMSes. Crap.

But what I saw next caught me a little off-guard, I must admit. He actually asked for a patch. *!!!* The cheek of him, after how he has ruined half of my life. And now that when I'm finally, slowly but surely, getting back on my feet, he has the gall to come and ask to sit down and talk things through. He said how he has not and could not let go of our (past) relationship...even though HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND NOW. What the...

What does he treat me? What does he treat his girlfriend? The way he treated me then still rings clearly in my mind. And even after we broke up (till now), when he's in a good mood, he will just sms me about how he ran into our mutual friends. When he's in a cranky mood, basically he will rile at me and "verbally-abuse" me...Initially I got affected by what he always had to say (as what happened in a previous entry), but now, i can't be bothered much. Actually to be honest, I think I'm more scared of him than pissed, but I know I can't let him know that, because I think he would likely use that to his advantage. God knows the many nights that I spent cursing and swearing myself, for getting together with him in the first place.

Anyways, it's no point saying such things now...I'm just so utterly disgusted with him. There were some other things that he mentioned (which I'm not going to say), that really got on my nerves and put me off totally. I think his girlfriend would be rather upset if she got to know of this. Anyways, I told him I've just got busier and busier, especially during these days leading to that trip which my boss was intending to send me. I told him I've just gotta work harder, and that I'm happy with the way I am now, thank you very much. So, bottomline is, no time to meet him (truth), no time to think anything else (perhaps not). Anything he wishes to say, I can talk to him over the phone, which he declined because he feels nothing constructive will come out of it - horrors of all horrors! I wouldn't want ANYTHING to come out of it...Good Lord!

Guilt Trip

I went to see a client this morning, over at SGH. With the scorching sun beating down, I walked around the compound, nearly lost, and tried to seek help for directions with this SingHealth Information Counter lady. She was not very helpful, waved me off in a nonchalent direction, and even got impatient towards the end. So much for wanting to improve customer service in Singapore. Not in a million years, I'd say.

Anyway, after I was done and grabbed the SGH shuttle service to leave the place, the bus drove past the various buildings of SGH, like the Singapore National Eye Centre. Somehow, very suddenly, I got a sort of jolt of reality, when the bus stopped at the Singapore National Cancer Centre. Milling around were people wearing beanies, fisherman hats, and one or two boarded the mini-bus, assisted by nurses and their care-givers. Initially I had not realise where I was at; it was only upon seeing some young and old alike with bald heads, that realisation struck me. Immediately, a whole rush of emotions swarmed me, and I became conscious of the fact that most of us led such sheltered lives, that we don't encounter such scenes. So much so that many of us tended to stare at them, or whisper quietly or like me, chose to look away hastily and guiltily. Yes these people do need our help and understanding. One may see the sadness within them, but you definitely can't miss the look of resolution and strength in their eyes too.

What came into my view next utterly took my breath away, with an unimaginable force. I came upon the block which I frequented earlier this year. My grandad had been hospitalised at that very block for lung cancer. After the rounds of tests and all, and having determined it to be terminal stage cancer, they discharged him after a week of hospitalisation. During that one week, all of us (extended family and all) made such frequent trips there that we could head to my grandad's ward with our eyes closed. Even after his discharge, he would be hospitalised every now and then for breathlessness or asthmatic attacks. Further tests followed, and we were told that he had no more than 6 months. We were devastated, but more on our mind was whether to break the news to my grandmom, and if so, how to?

Anyway to cut the story short (I don't think I'm strong enough to recount it now), from the time of his diagnosis to his death, it took less than 3 months, and he was gone. He passed away at home, and I think that was already a form of consolation and relief for him. The night of his death was too traumatic for me, and the details of the night still ring vividly and painfully in my mind.

It's almost like a trip down memory lane, and one laden with guilt too...My guilt. I had stuff that I didn't say. My parents and relatives placed his ashes at this place, but it's been a long time since I last went by. Guess it's time I dropped my activities for the day and dropped by there.

Somehow, it felt as though I was meant to pass by that area sooner or later, and it seemed to materialise today. Because firstly, my boss was the one who would liaise with this client and secondly, we wouldn't have taken the shuttle service anyway, because my boss loves to take a walk back to office.

Anyway, that wasn't the point. I was reminded of the horror, my grief and the emotional pain we went through, as well as the physical pain my grandad would have gone through. I had resolved to write that story of my grandad and grandmom, but after the funeral, I had found myself incapable to even think about it. It was almost like a mental block, a sanction that I had voluntarily imposed on myself. Finally on one occassion, I tried to muster my courage and get down to it. I did, but it was still painful. The raw pain searing through my inner being came tearing, and my tears rolled again. I stopped immediately (after a short paragraph).

Initially I thought talking/writing about upsetting happenings is a healing process in itself. I still do think so. Just that, perhaps, I need to overcome the ghost in myself first.

***********

Going for a swim tonight with my friends...looking forward to it!

Sunday...

Time really flies...and I don't just mean "Oh it's Friday..Saturday...Sunday, Oh you mean it's Monday?"-sort...It's more on a monthly basis. Look, before we know it, it's September already, so need I say more? And before we know it, it would probably be October, November, December...Just realised that this is the month when I will be going to Aceh..yeah! Can't wait *hehe* Nervous at the same time though...not sure how things will turn out.

I had to work this morning...Covered an event at our client's place. They were holding a presentation ceremony, and the event was to be featured in this coming issue of newsletter. The people involved were Primary School kids, ITE students and undergraduates from our various Unis. Speaking to little kids and I had to adopt this cutesy manner to "clique" with them, but interviewing the undergrads was better altogether. It was more like chatting to them, though of course, I was feverishly scribbling all over my notebook.

There was this one particular male undergrad. He came with his mother, and he caught my attention. Before you get the wrong impression, I certainly don't mean looks. The recipients were allcated seats and therefore, had a confirmed seat. The family members who went along, however, had no seats due to overwhelming response, and thus had to stand. He didn't sit down like the other kids there..instead he ushered his mom to his seat first (though his mom declined). Sigh, such filial piety...Small gesture, but speaks volume. I approached him for a short interview, with his mom, and he agreed immediately. In fact, he persuaded his mom to agree to be interviewed. Some other kids I had come across didn't have their own opinions, and when I asked for an interview, they would look across to their parents to say yes or no. Anyways, he revealed that he will go into tradings first (he is studying Business Administration), but he has plans to be an entrepreneur. Big dreams...

That's just how some people can be...They are filled with big dreams, they know what they want to do, and they certainly aren't afraid to pursue their dreams. I, for one, have dreams, but I'm uncertain as to whether I can fulfil them. Such is the difference *ha* I certainly admire him for that. And he seemed genuinely protective of his family, and cares and loves his family. I can somehow sense such vibes coming from people...though of coz I could be wrong. Anyways, such nice traits certainly attract me. Haha....but of coz, he's only 22 for goodness sake!

Hmm, and something interesting happened while I was there. Heehee..But I shan't reveal it. Let me busk in the short-term happiness first..I may just tell you in a few days' time what it is all about..Haha...

My brother left for Melbourne just now in the evening, so for the next one week I'm probably gonna be bored stiff...Because normally by the time I get home, my niece would b asleep (cannot play with her). Most of the time, my brother would be the one surfing the net still, or talking to his gf (recent phenomenon). No matter what, he would either make some small talk after that, or we would engage in some harmless bicker. Oh well, I guess I have to get used to being alone again, because his boss would be sending him overseas rather frequently. Anyways, I have "survived" on my own while my brother was still pursuing his studies overseas and after my second sister got married. Hmm...I shall see if he "got heart" and get me any presents anot..hahaha

Friends...

I'm feeling rather bored, yet tired now. I was supposed to go for tuition, but I decided against going...last minute decision. Ha...then I made up my mind to go jog for some rounds at the stadium. But upon nearing the stadium, it was nearing 8pm, and once again, I decided against it because the stadium closes at 830pm...Excuses? Ha...

I was thinking of syncing my iPod, and now, I feel too lethargic to do anything at all...was chatting to a friend just now over MSN though.

Talking about chatting. Perhaps it's time for me to pick up and renew ties of friendship with people whom I used to be pals with. Mind you, not that we are not pals now or anything. Just that we sort of became on-off friends...friends who get together once every few months and catch up, and things become rosy again. Haha..I know I know..sounds like we take each other for granted yah...that I agree, though things aren't as serious as it sounds.

I chatted with my JC friend last nite, for some solid 3-4hrs straight, something that we used to do while we were in JC. We exchanged news, past and present. The last time we met up was in January, earlier this year, and so many things have happened to both of us. Hehe...we were still as comfy with each other, no awkwardness or anything, and it sure felt great. I told myself that it's time I make more effort tracing back ties with those friends whom I really cared about last time, who were really my pals.

And on Saturday night, I chatted the whole night through with a friend I've known since my JC days. He wasn't a schoolmate or anything (he was from poly), and we were introduced by mutual friends. Anyway, to cut the story short (and to leave myself some privacy..hehe), we had been friends for more than 6 yrs, imagine that. Our friendship is like a roller-coaster ride, from being very gd friends, to enemies (at one point - coz I refused to talk to him), to being friends again now. He is really a great friend to have, and I sure hope our friendship can withstand the storms and wind come what may. But before that, I guess we have to start picking up from where we left off first, and rebuild our ties. But yes, I hope things will continue to look up.

Let's see, there're so many of such friends whom I used to be very good with, but somehow we either lost contact or lost that magic because both parties were too busy pursuing our own interests and sort of drifted off. Sad isn't it? Wish me luck then! And you? Have you told ur friend that you care about them yet? ;)

Seeing stars...

It's strange how seeing people you personally know becoming famous. I'm not talking about those famous ones whom you become acquainted with. I'm referring to friends whom you see transitioned from everyday people to becoming someone who everyone knows.

Yep, so far I have had two of my friends becoming singers in the Mandopop scene. One of them, a JC friend, is real famous, not just in Singapore, but across the chinese markets. The other, well, took part in the current Project Superstar. He was the one who lost to the visually-impaired guy in the final round (go figure who it is)...what a pity. He was my secondary school cum JC friend; I just ran into him a couple months back in Sentosa, when he obviously was not famous yet.

And voila! Now almost everyone knows him. Hehe...I don't know, somehow it feels weird to be friends with a star. Apart from the everyday people who hog me for news and numbers, I myself found it a little tough to reconcile that difference.

Why do I say that? Well for starters, I don't want people to say that I want to hog their limelight. More importantly, I would hate to think that they themselves may become suspicious of my intentions. I mean, the last thing I want is for them to think that I'm friends with them because they are now stars. Which was why I refused to call or sms the second friend I mentioned, while he was still in the competition. Call me silly. I only sms him that very night when he lost the competition, to give him some encouragement.

Perhaps that's why stars always comment that they lost friends after becoming well-known. Of course, it could be that some stars become suspicious of any so-called friends who had never so much as acknowledged their presence, but now have started to find time to call and chat after they gained fame. And on the other hand, there are those who are like me, who don't wish to send the wrong signals to the friend-stars, that we are those with motives. Bless them.