Life Sux...

Yes it's that time of the month again...And no, I don't mean PMS or whatever biological things that turns up in your mind. What I'm referring to is the cyclical patterns at work, and now is the "upturn". Peaking soon.

Deadlines = Dead-ends. All fall on the same deadline, and the deadline is crap ...You tell me, how? I don't even want to bother using proper English now. *snarls and bares my teeth*

*******

Series of smses between me & ex:

Him: "Ask u sumthg, if im already financially stable, do i still stand another chance?"

~ 18 Nov, 1750hrs

Me: "I'm sorry, I don't have any feelings for you anymore. It's not about the financial aspect now. I've closed that chapter in my life, and I've moved on. You should too. Besides, you have a gf now. You should devote your heart and love to her instead of dwelling on the past."

Him: "The relatnshp wf her is almost like a virtual 1. No pt continuing since shes not the 1 i reali love. my heart is not wf her."

Me: "You should treasure her and the relationship. It wasn't easy to come by and she had stood by you when you needed her. I belong to your past, and with all due consideration, you are not in my present and you will not be in my future. You should learn to let go."

Him: "nvm, if u hv any feelings again, my heart will always be open 4 u, anytime, k?"

~ 24 Nov, 2240hrs

Me: *No reply*

"Can we meet on friday nite 4 a dinner or something?"

~ 28 Nov, 2150hrs

Me: *No reply*

And the one sms that really freaked me out now --

"Since friday, i wuz ard ur office after I knock off, everyday without fail. juz wanted 2 juz c u so much coz I reali miss ur looks so much but neva fated 2 c u...but not 2 worry, I wun b those stalker or watsoever. i juz wanna take a gd look at u, dats all. even if we dun meet or acknowledge each other."

~ 29 Nov, 2315hrs

Omg...Never ever have I led him on or anything. My heart went cold that instance. But after I've calmed down a little, I think he doesn't mean much harm...So I shall put it out of my mind. Yah. Hey, what was I to do? Call the police? No, I think it doesn't warrant that as yet. For awhile, I actually comtemplated lying that I've changed my job and no longer work where I was. But it got me worried...there would then be no stopping him coming over to my place rite? *Shudders* Besides, what if he found out the truth, that I had lied to him? So, I shall just ignore the sms. Perhaps I'll just bluff him that I'm attached now if he insists on being pushy.

My gawd...life sux, doesn't it?

Tomorrow!

Whew! Today's Friday! Finally the end of yet another busy week...but it also means the beginning of another busy week. Kaos...

Just got home from work (what else), haven't taken my dinner yet. Now waiting for Mommy+Daddy Dearest to bring me food *hahaha...Let's see, I'm gonna have a busy Saturday tomorrow...Which I'm glad for...honestly =D

(1) Playing a game of Badminton with my bro+gf in the morning at 7am. Booked the court liao. Yeah.

(2) Hoping to go for a run before the game though, and after the game...cuz the game is gonna last an hr only. Pooh...Hopefully I'm able to wake up earlier.

(3) Meeting my uni fren Pauline in the early afternoon to Ikea...not sure what she's gonna get. Hmm...

(4) THen, we gonna travel down to town to meet my second Sister at 3pm for more shopping. Haha! *rubs hands in glee* Finally the R&R after a long hectic week...Of course I'm looking forward to it! THe combination sounds a little strange, I know. The reason why Pauline is coming with my second sister and me is bcoz later in the evening, I'm gonna have dinner with sis+bro-in-law, and I don't want to be the lightbulb. Haha...Yesh, two lightbulbs better than one lone lightbulb.

(5) Now this is the downer, the damper, the spoilsport. Got news this afternoon that I've gotta cover an assignment tomorrow evening, at about 6pm. Technically shouldn't last longer than an hour so *wipes perspiration from brow*...Now the tricky part is, Pauline is gonna follow me to my client's place. It's the first time she's gonna see my sister, so that's no way she can stick to my sister while I go cover my event. Initially, my intention is for my sister and Pauline to follow me to my client's place, then can show her the guy with the nice manly voice...Hahaha...but my sister, being pregnant, wouldn't find it easy to move around. Not a gd idea, so...she's just gonna sit at a cafe and wait for us. In the meantime, she will move on to our dinner place aka Seoul Garden at 7pm to book table first. Afterwhich, my bro-in-law will knock off and join her, and Pauline and me will join her too after my event. Nice planning.

(6) My sister and bro-in-law will adjorn for movie (Harry Potter) while Pauline and me will go on to the other part of our programme, which is.........I also dunno. hahaha...coz Pauline has seen Harry Potter, though I haven't, and I can't very well dump her and go watch my movie rite...so.....the very noble me has sacrificed. It's ok...I'd probably watch it next week with Amy...She booked me liao. Hahaha...

Okay...mom & dad back...me gonna grab quick bite, read the newspaper, then hit the sack...Long day tomoro!

Lately

Been more than a week since I've last blogged an entry. Been real darn busy at work, rushing deadlines, writing countless and endless streams of articles *sees stars*. Almost made me want to lay off writing or blogging for awhile...hehe

I think I've brought the description of "workoholic" (that's applicable to me), to new heights. I've been going into office like 8 plus in the morning, and leaving office after 8 in the night. Imagine, more than 14 hours a day. Heck, I spend more time working than anything else. Think my mom is gonna nag me about treating my home like a hotel again. Sigh.

It's certainly no mean feat for someone nocturnal like me, to wake like 6 or 7 in the morning in order to reach office before 9. There was a period of time when I reached office at 930 in the morning due to the late nights that I keep. These two weeks have sort of hit me with a new realisation, ie. (1) it's nice to come into office early too (2) I've been coming into office way too late during that couple of weeks (3) I've got tons of work to clear and I don't have much choice anyway. Especially with my boss's impending trip, the tight deadlines are a result of trying to clear as much as possible before she leaves, and also because all clients just so love to jam our schedules and then breathe down our necks. Yah. Gives them joy to tap their toes behind us and chasing us every minute for drafts. And with yet again another editorial meeting on the coming Monday...*sees stars and planets now...isn't that Pluto?*

********

Something really funny happened last week. I went to cover an event for a client last Wednesday and because it was a last minute thing, I had to go alone without my boss. The event stretched to the night and included a sit-down 8-course dinner. Everyone was really nice to me, and some recognised me from covering one of their previous events. However, this time, there was one particular guy who kept hounding me. Harassed me even. He invited me to sit at the same table, and at one point even refused to let go of my hand *creepers*. Of course, I escaped after I told him I'm on assignment and have to do my job. And after the event ended he even passed me a glass of wine and join him for a talk...and once again, I told him I'm not supposed to drink on the job (excuse of course) and that I needed to rush home to finish some work. He offered to send me back, but I lied that my boss is coming by to pick me up. Haha...

Of course I did tell my boss the next day and she even told me to use her as an excuse whenever necessary..hahaha..She told me she thought the bosses would "take care" of me. They are very nice people, but does she really think they would watch out for me during their functions? Besides, they would think I'm fully capable of taking care of myself (I am...just inexperienced only).

Oh yes, my ex is bothering me again. He's getting blatant and explicit now, telling me about his feelings and how he wants to get back with me. I told him on equal terms that (1) I have NO feelings for him AT ALL (2) I will NEVER consider a relationship with him EVER AGAIN (3) I have moved on. I just wish he would leave me alone. My Gawd...get away from me please.

It irks me somehow that I've been attracting the wrong kind of attention of late. This young chap of 22 years old whom I know has been telling me how he wants to have a relationship, asking me if I have a boyfriend *duh* But the point here is, he has some serious issues with his family. He's facing a difficult phase, and I think he needs to sort out his life first and it's certainly not a relationship that he needs.

Happiness is...

Cindy and Eve took Isa and I out for some wonderful ice-cream last night near Sunset Way...The Daily Scoop - heard of it? They make the ice-cream themselves and each of us ordered a cup each. Some unique flavours they have, apart from the usual fruity ones. From peanut butter ice-cream that really tasted like peanut butter, to hazelnut choc, which tasted almost like "Kinder Bueno"...and their fruity-flavours like soursop, cempedak and durian...woah...no words can describe. These don't taste synthetic or anything weird...just the wholesome taste of the real fruit. *dreamy* I had Lychee martinee and I tell you, it's heavenly! Of course, as the name suggests, they did put in martinee and half through the cup, I was feeling hot and flushed...not drunk though. *heh* Isa had Belgian choc or something like that, which is another yummilicious flavour. Thick dark choc, with a slight hint of bitterness...The four of us basically shared our cups with one another, which heightened the flavour and fun of the outing. *grin* Anyways, on the way back, we agreed that the next outing would constitute a hike to either Bt Timah hill or MacRitchie. Can't wait for it.

After I went home and showered, I couldn't help but think about how fortunate I have been, and how satisfactory my life almost is now. I say "almost" because there will always be something that I am in want of. Which precisely shakes me to reality that it is almost impossible to have everything. New things spring up after I get what I want.

Let's see, I'm surrounded by wonderful friends, people I can talk to and count on, people I know who will not hesitate to be there for me. Tried and tested. *grin* Even the people I work with, I don't consider them as colleagues, because we already have surpassed that stage. We are all good friends.

Hmm...I have a job that I love. I enjoy my work (despite all my complaints), I like my working environment. I have a nice boss who treats me well (though she still isn't paying me ideally) and is really concerned for my well-being. I have colleagues who care for one another. Having said that, of course it isn't just one-way from them to me. Goes without saying that I care alot for their well-being too. *heh*

The dough I bring home monthly isn't alot, isn't ideal, but it does pay my necessities and my bills every month, cushions my monthly shopping trips (not alot though), gets me what I want, gives a nice allowance to my parents, and I still get to save. Haha...I don't earn alot, fyi. Please bear in mind that I apart from my job, I do give tuition to a pair of brothers, which supplements my income too. Oh, and did I mention that I have wonderful paymasters too (my tuition kids' parents)? They trust me with their sons, they treat me almost like family. From bringing the boys out to movies and treating them to meals, I follow them on their house-hunting trips too (imagine that!) haha...Basically, they aren't stingy with their money, and they are generous with me. I've been teaching them for some 5yrs now. I've been really fortunate.

Things are blissful at home, apart from the usual squabbles which are negligible. A cute niece and another one on the way, family life has never been better.

In fact, life has been really kind to me.

Apart from the fact that I'm still boyfriend-less, I think I'm rather contented with my life now. Actually, I think the fact that I don't have a boyfriend now allows me to do and enjoy certain things that I otherwise may not have experienced. Of course, I miss out on certain things, but I do believe that I grow and gain certain things that couplehood doesn't give. *lalalala*

Of course, I do know that contentment may bear a reluctance to step out of my comfort zone. I'm still at the point of reminding myself every now and then that there are certain things I need to improve upon. Moreover, I guess the fact that I'm probably starting the prime of my life, and thus there will be many things I want to achieve and attain. That, should suffice for keeping me in check for the time being.

I do remember that when I was young, I've made certain promises to myself, and one of them is to be very happy, and stay very happy "when I grow up and as I grow old". Though I'm not really into my mid-years as yet, I feel as if I've accomplished half of a goal. Not too bad I guess.

BLue Tuesday...

Cute Picture...hehehe...okie, back to work now! Till the next entry!

Wouldn't it be nice...

It's official...my bro told me he's gonna get registered for a built-to-order flat with his girlfren first, then by the time the flat is ready (assuming its a successful ballot), which would be around three years or so, they can go ROM. I guess he's probably planning ahead; like how in three years' time, they probably could have saved enough, stabilise their relationship and stuff. The only misgiving I have is the fact that they are already discussing marriage so early into their relationship (as I've mentioned, it's been less than six months). Anyways...I guess this probably means he feels that she is THE ONE. She's alright I guess, just perhaps a little young. Heh...Anyways, I do wish him the best then.

****

Bro and me brought my sister out for her birthday treat. We had Sushi at Marina Sq (coz we have discount vouchers...hehehe), followed by ice-cream at Andersons. Not bad for a quick dinner. We certainly had fun. I'm very thankful and appreciative of the wonderful relationship I share with my sisters and brother (them with me too of coz..heh), especially since all of us have grown up and mature. Of course, there's the usual quarrels and childish squabbles, but everything works out fine at the end of the day. Hehe..I guess that's what they mean by blood runs thicker than anything else.

I think I ate too much...so much that I had difficulties sleeping last nite. God, I swear I was tossing and turning about in bed the whole night through. I laid awake when I turned into bed with my ipod, I turned about, and once again, my eyes were wide staring at the window at 5 in the morning. I got up and went to the loo (not that I needed to) and stared out of the window looking at the night scene (not that there was much to see anyway), staring at the night sky. The rapid lightning that lit the night sky was brilliant, especially against the dark clouds that shrouded whatever little sunrise there is. There's not any other moment that I've never yearned for my camera any more than then. Sadly of course...Sigh...Watching that lightning cracked and rippled...and that distant rumbling of the thunder...

Initially I was contemplating to head to the stadium for a morning run, since I felt so wide awake. THen I remembered the lightning and thunder...and possibly a morning downpour, and I scrapped the idea. I even had the whim to turn on my laptop and blog an entry. At that hour, I certainly had alot of stuff running through my mind.

Wouldn´t it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn´t have to wait so long
And wouldn´t it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong
You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn´t it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through
Happy times together we´ve been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldn´t it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn´t be a single thing we couldn´t do
We could be married
And then we´d be happy
Wouldn´t it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldn´t it be nice
Good night my baby
Sleep tight my baby

Silly Comic Strips for the Week...

Some jokes to lighten up the rest of the work day, the rest of the work week.


Those who dunno how to read Chinese.. erm...too bad? haha...Nah, I can explain them to ya. =D

Anyone with more jokes? or comic strips?

you don't miss your water till your well runs dry

It's tough finding that one person meant for you. Some people believe that there's one person meant for everyone, just a matter of finding that one. So what about those who aren't married? Does it mean they just didn't manage to find that one person? Lost in some place? Or just didn't cross paths? And what about those who are single by choice? Does that mean their other half meant for them would stay unmarried too? Load of crap I guess. Oh well...another night bugged by endless questions. Some silly questions with no answers, but giving rise to frustrations with no signs of abating.

Somehow...I guess it's the same with everyone else; and all I want now are answers, and some sort of finality. It's painful and saddening to see someone slip away from you, be it due to certain reasons or "natural causes". The point is, at the end of the day, for things to die a slow death, or to know that the end is coming is really heart-breaking. I hate to take no for an answer, but I have no choice. Maybe things would be kinder if I can go into a long and deep slumber; wake up sober, and best if some things are forgotten.

Life is hard when you have to make choices, but don't you think life is even harder when you don't even have a choice? Life's a real pain sometimes when things don't go your way.

********

These are some beautiful words...meant for someone. Almost what I want to say.

You don't run with the crowd, you go your own way
You don't play after dark, you light up my day
Got your own kind of style that sets you apart
And that's why you captured my heart

I know sometimes you feel like you don't fit in
And this world doesn't know what you have within
When I look at you I see something rare
A rose that can grow anywhere
And there's no one I know that can compare

You don't know how you touch my life
Oh, in so many ways I just can't describe
You taught me what love is supposed to be
It's all the little things that make you beautiful to me

You got something so real, you touched me so deep
You see material things don't matter to me
So come as you are, you've got nothing to prove
You won me with all that you do
And I wanna take this chance to say to you

What makes you different, makes you beautiful
What's there inside you shines through to me
In your eyes I see all the love I'll ever need
What makes you different
Makes you beautiful to me

I love anything spontaneous!

For a moment, I thought it's gonna be yet another boring weekend. Being in this tiny little red dot, it's not surprising that every cosmopolitian's (the citizen) favourite passtime would encompass certain activities that sound so painfully similar to one another; movies, workout, beach...Some even classify "working" as a passtime. Those who can afford more time and cash will crawl to offshore islands or neighbouring countries for some diving or holiday.

I guess that perhaps explains why I love the spontaneity of things when I do actually act "on the spur of the moment"...according to what I fancy at that moment. It was nothing to shout about actually; I'm sure this is probably common to many "old birds" out there. ANyway, I've digressed. Heh...basically, a friend and I decided in the afternoon to head towards JB since there wasn't any good movies on offer now.

So we did. We met in Orchard first, shopped around HMV, then went on to the Hello!Store, and finally to Bugis to catch the Sing-Johore bus. Exciting!

By the time we reached there, it was evening time already...say, 6+? The muslims were praying and all. It was certainly one of the better days to head to Johore, given the fact that we are entering a peak period now. There was no crowd, really. Either way, we cleared the customs within half an hr each.

We went in, looked at some films, then went on to buy some bubble gum (yum!), absolutely fantabulous for deprived Sporeans like us...hehehe. And here comes the highlight....at least it was for me. *grin* We went to a place near Taman Sentosa to have dinner...Seafood dinner, to be precise. Not a king's spread, but certainly something I haven't had in a long time. Nestum Crayfish, Buttered prawns and bbq stingray (No pepper stuff for me). Oh man...I could almost faint with delight then.

Of course, we headed back to Singapore and reached mainland (not China) close to 11. We went on to Bugis to split our spoils and both went back gleeful. We both bought a box, and we exchanged flavours. I still can't bear to start on mine! haha...

Can't wait for the next time when I would get to do this again! Imagine spending less than what you would in Spore, but getting as much, if not more enjoyment and satisfaction...*dreamy* Heh...

I'm easily contented, but then again, I certainly wouldn't complain if there were more of such spontaneous ideas/activities to go around...

Guy + Girl = Marriage?

Attended Jimmy's matrimony that Saturday, and went away feeling more dreamy than ever. =D ...just like Isa said, each time we attend a wedding, we go away feeling the yearn to get married too. Hahaha...

It was one of those church weddings, white and pretty...somehow it just seems to vibrate purity and eternity....and promises for the future...Awww...

Just the other day, my second sister told me my bro actually asked her how to go about applying for a flat...HMMMM...that means.....*grin* But of course, both my sis and I feel that my bro and his gf is not ready. Even though there are spontaneous people who get married within a week, we feel that my bro and gf just aren't ready as yet. Of course, not that they knew each other for a week only. They have known each other for a couple of months...less than 6 to be accurate. My bro isn't old or desperate to get married (he's just 2 years older than I am) so we don't really understand the rush too. Besides, he isn't ready AT ALL with regards to the key monetary factor. Well, I guess maybe he feels 1) She's the RIGHT one 2) He's ready to settle down. That probably explains the haste.

Somehow, my sis and I have lesser faith in my bro...in alot of issues. In addition to the stability of his financial status (and THAT is a big issue already), I feel they probably should work on work on stabilising their relationship, as well as get to know each other better. And this comes with time, which, they haven't exactly had as yet.

My friends and I met up and bitched about her older sister-in-law. In a nutshell, she - apart from having no manners, no respect for her in-laws, she sees herself as the precious one, where everyone has to pick up after her. Yes, even her mother-in-law. Can you even beat that? She's always right, she wants her way, and has zero tolerance for anyone else. And we would have thought someone like that probably would have difficulties finding a husband, but no...she married my friend's brother, who is basically a Mr Nice-Guy. Well yes, no one stands up to her in the family, she wins hands-down.

I was telling them about my bro's gf (perhaps wife-to-be in future). We've gone out for a meal before and we've had a certain level of interaction for sure. She's younger than me for one thing, so I guess she wouldn't bully me in future anyway. Heh...For another thing, my two sisters and I reasoned alot with my brother, so I guess chances are slim for whatever that happened to my friend, to happen to me. At least that's what I think now. Of course, I can never be too sure too.

Work + Holiday + Work + Holiday + Work

It's been a good week, with the double holidays on Tues and Thurs. It's technically an alternate work-day week...heh...

I went to catch Exorcism of Emily Rose on Weds evening. A good movie indeed. Dark and chilling, not your usual slipshod or cheap thrill scares. The actress was very accomplished in her portrayal of a possessed being. Sad too though, to imagine the torment she had to go through. That night, I must say that I did experience difficulties in sleeping. I kept seeing the contorted form of the actress in one of the scenes. Then again, it's the scaredy me we are talking about. Think for awhile at least, I would probably continue to visualise those few scenes. *Shudders* Some jumped during the movie too, so I guess it isn't just me. hehe...Well, it was certainly nice to have someone around me that evening. *grin*

That long break in between really got me feeling so lethargic, I wished I had simply submitted that leave form for Friday. Or at least half day for Friday. It got to a point where I really was tempted to tell my boss to let me off for the rest of the day. Then again, the aftermath of holidays means the amount of work waiting to be cleared is unimaginable. Besides, Isa had a really bad day yesterday, with all of us bugging her for delayed/urgent jobs. I wouldn't dare imagine leaving her to deal with these alone.

Our new designer is coming in on Monday, following Amy's departure. Her name is Angela, and she's supposedly strong in her design. I just hope she can handle the amount of work, which is undeniably mounting. Isa is just dying for someone to come in n do her share of work. Sigh.

Angela was shortlisted from a previous round of interview. Boss wanted to offer her the job then, but held back and in the end, she went on to another offer. She recommended Amy then. Of course, she has quitted that job now and is ready to join us. I still remember Cindy & Eve commenting about her dressing. In Eve's words, "Her blouse was so low, her boobs are ready to spill out!" To give her credit (or issit not?), she's voluptuous and has an ample bosom. Ahem. And she dresses sexily. Low cut tops, mini skirts, revealing dresses, that sort of thing. I'm not a prude, but I guess going to work in such clothings can be rather taboo in certain offices. Maybe she has been dressing this way her entire life, almost like a second skin, but I guess my office isn't THAT open-minded as yet. We are all okay people, not conservative, but I guess it's just sort of like a culture shock when someone dresses that way to work. Hehe...

Now we are all waiting to see what she would turn up in on Monday. Or at least in the days to come. Us girls were even giggling about the gentlemen in the office, like how they would react if she were to really turn up in some revealing or foxy dress perhaps? Haha...I only wish that she isn't some unscrupulous or conniving backstabber who will not hesitate to clean everyone off the slate on her way up. Somehow, each time we have a new person, I tend to feel some misgivings about the new girl. *shrugs* Let's hope I'm wrong of course...for Isa's sake especially.

Tired

How many times have we watched some movies and imagine ourselves in that particular situation? I'm sure all of us have, at some point. Whether it is some action-packed thriller, or some horror flick. I certainly have.

I watch horror movies and can almost feel the fear of the actors/actresses, as if it was real, as if it was happening to me. The sentimental me watches romance films, and imagines the uncertainty of loving someone yet not knowing if he reciprocrates. Yeah...me just finished watching this film and it was really heartbreaking for the guy to watch the girl he likes, like everyone else but him...the pain of loving someone but knowing that he/she not loving you back. Why are things so complicated? Why can't a simple equation solve everything? Does a higher being enjoy seeing human beings confused or complicating things? Or are we the ones doing so ourselves?

I just read someone's blog. He has a a great job, a pretty gf. Going for flings is the norm for him, and recently, he got engaged to his gf. His gf had alot of flings herself too, but she settled down when she decided that he was the one she wanted to grow old with. Sadly...he seemed to be having second thoughts about her now. I dunno...I just felt so....sad. I am an avid reader of his blog, and I just felt a deep sense of loss upon foreseeing that he's gonna dump her...after all that she has given up and done for him. We humans just love complicating matters.

It was thought that the people we know at different stages of our life are just passerbys, passengers on your train. Some get up, some get off. New ones board, old ones alight. Then what? You say goodbye to those who alight, never to see them again.

Guess I'm tired...not sure what I'm blabbering about also. Till then.