if ever i would leave you...

If ever I would leave you
It wouldn't be in summer
Seeing you in summer
I never would go
Your hair streaked with sunlight
Your lips red as flame
Your face with a lustre
that puts gold to shame

But if I'd ever leave you
It couldn't be in autumn
How I'd leave in autumn
I never will know
I've seen how you sparkle
When fall nips the air
I know you in autumn
And I must be there

And could I leave you
running merrily through the snow
Or on a wintry evening
when you catch the fire's glow

If ever I would leave you
How could it be in spring-time
Knowing how in spring I'm bewitched by you so
Oh no not in spring-time
Summer, winter or fall
No never could I leave youat all

好想你

你微笑 不代表你想拥抱
你的拥抱 不代表一切美好
如果说 梦想是一个气泡
至少我能够触摸得到

我眼睛 看不见你的需要
你的耳朵 听不见我的祈祷
如果说 天气都难以预告
爱情的痕迹 往哪里找

我要对你多好 你要爱我多少
有甚麽重要 也许答案得走过天涯海角
最後才知道 听得见你心跳 最重要

你的泪 不代表我的烦恼
我的感动 不代表你的心跳
也难怪 亲吻的时候须要
闭起了眼睛 才有味道

确定，你就是我的唯一

Wandering like a leaf upon the wind

I have been searching for someone

Holding out for a love to shake my soul

Heaven or nothing

Then you walked into my life

In a blaze of light

I've never wanted someone more

You are the one I've waited for

Light of my life

You're the fire in my heart

When I'm lost

I know I'll feel you burning in the dark

You're the light of my life

Every star in the sky

Shines more brightly when you're at my side

And dreaming, I feel you next to me

But no, I'm not dreaming

Cause I'm drowning in your kiss

I die in your arms

And when I hear you call my name

Baby, it's like I'm born again

Your love's a lantern in the rain

Bringing me home time and again

Burning like an eternal flame

Light of my life

You're the beat of my heart

Like stars in the sky

Only you can take me through

You're the only one who makes it right

Coz only you can set fire to my night

You - the light of my life

School's In...soon

It's mighty fast, we are 12 days into July. Very soon it'll be mid-month. Half the month whizzed by just like that.

I haven't blogged a single entry this month, till now. Been busy...accompanying my Mr J of course, what else. He'll only be in Spore for the first and last week of July, and the middle two weeks he'll be in the States. Yep, he's in the States now, so that explains why I'm able to spare the time to do a blog entry. Duhh.

Once he comes back from the States, it means it's time for him to return to Sydney too. Which was why I said I was in a kind of dilemma - do I want him back to Spore sooner or not? Not that I have a choice of course. It's just that on one hand, I wish that time would just blink by, so that he'll be back in Spore. But that would mean, yes, he's going back to Sydney too. I guess there'll never be a win-win. Sigh.

Yep, and when he goes back, it means I'm going to start my classes too. My school term starts 6 Aug officially. I'm hoping to sign up for modules that will fall on Mons and Weds if I get my way. Yesh, I still dunno yet, coz our dear NTU hasn't even posted nor emailed anything with regards to module sign-up. Am I too kan cheong or are they too cool about? But yeah, as I've mentioned before, Jac and I are going to be coursesmates, though we may not be doing the same modules. Well, I sure hope there'll b overlapping of course.

I haven't decided for sure whether to do a dissertation or just finished it up with doing all modules. I'm more inclined towards the latter actually. The dissertation idea certainly does not appeal to me (not that much anyway), and besides, I'm a little clueless what kinda dissertation topic I can do. Well I don't have to decide now, just that by Yr 2, I would need to give a formal reply. Arghh.

Whatever it is, I hope I won't screw up my studies this time. Time management is a big issue for me. Has always been. I get distracted and bored easily, and I devote too little time to my studies. Lazy about revisions, about tutorials. What's more, this time I'm working, which is worse. Homework, assignments, work, clients.......*Nightmare* Once is enough to scare me; I hope I won't do stuff like screw up again. And hopefully my boss will be kinder to me, in terms of workload. And because I haven't confirmed which days I'm going for classes, I can't work out a work/time schedule for my boss too. Urgh...We'll have to wait and see then.

Alritey, it's been a busy week. Isabel isn't around this entire week, and I'm covering her work while doing mine. THough half the time, I'm procrastinating about mine. I'm feeling sleepy, need to catch up on my beauty zz then. *Yawns*

The Last Lap to 1 July

I have this little rubber duckie that actually doubles up as a calendar. It has this little display section where I have to manually turn cubes of numbers everyday, to show the correct day and date. Kinda like winding a clock, except that I'm "winding" a calendar. And I just can't wait to wind it. I just can't wait for the days to turn faster, that I may just keep turning the days and dates till the 1 July. Sigh.

Yeah I know, it's the final week before the big day. But as I've said, the time just can't pass fast enough. And as we enter this "final" lap before the 1st, it's gonna be the hardest week to pass, ever. I just know it.

The pain of separation is the hardest to bear. Especially more so for a super-emo person like myself. It's not that I'm not grateful that he's coming back, albeit a short 2 weeks. Well he would be back for 4 weeks, but he'll be in Singapore only for first and last week. I know it will kill me when he flies off to the States during the 2nd week, especially when I'm just gonna spend a short 1 week with him before he goes off again. And after he comes back from the States 2 weeks later, he'll only have one last week here in Singapore before he goes back to Sydney.

THough he'll be back for a short four weeks, sorry, I mean two, it's gonna be a tightly-packed two weeks. There are days when we have already planned stuff, but overall, we haven't exactly planned a day-to-day itinerary of course, but we just know it's gonna be lotsa time spent together. *dreamy* I've actually applied for leave le...Hmm, coming to think of it, it's only 3 days. Maybe I ought to see if I can squeeze in more days. But anyways, you know what's the hateful thing? Time is just going to whizzed by during these first and last week, and crawl during the middle two weeks while he's away. -.- Well we all know how time crawls when you can't wait for it to pass (like now), and how uncooperative it is when you simply wished the whole world will come to a total standstill (time passes even faster). Don't we all know that already huh.

I know I will surely weep buckets when he has to fly back at the end of July. Gosh. I hate separations. I hate saying goodbyes, even for the short term. It's kinda like a short long-term, you know.

Looking ahead, it's another six months before he comes back for good. And the thought of that is frightening. But we told ourselves that we are just going to shift our focus on what's coming up in front of us, what's going to come up next for us. And take things as they come, welcoming each thing as they happen. Rather than thinking far till the end of the year, wishing that eveyrthing will be over faster. I mean, sure we do wish for that, but it's harder looking so far ahead now right?

So, to aid us, we've more or less have this 2nd half of 2007 mapped out. He'll fly back to Sydney at the end of July. Then it'll be two months of school for both of us, and I'll fly there for a short break in Sept. Then it's going to be a tough 3 months before he finishes his exams and graduates; and I'll probably fly there again in Dec and we'll do a short tour around before we come back to Singapore togther at the end of the year, him, for good. *smiles*

Short long-term - short because well, six months aren't exactly that bad, and considering we'll be seeing each other in between. We purposely planned it this way so that we won't have to go too long without seeing each other *grin* Well, and long term because, six months aren't exactly short too. Another six months without each other. Though perhaps, this later half of 2007 will be busier for me, and will keep me from letting my thoughts run wild. I had actually planned to fly there last week, to be with him while he tackles his exams. But well...work didn't allow me that luxury, so...SIGH

Coming to think of it, by the time he comes back, we would have not seen each other for four months. It's been a really tough four months. I hope there won't ever need be another such four months. Going as planned, like I'd said, the next foreseeable longest stretch would be that last three months at the end of the year. But undeniably, absence does make the heart grows fonder. I guess in a way, precisely coz it's been such a long and painful stretch...everything will be so much more worthwhile. As they say, good things don't come easy =) And honestly, I'm so looking forward to everything that's coming up this next half year...in fact, everything that will happen for us from now on.

AND...today is the last Monday before he gets back to Singapore. *Wide grin* I know it will be a really tough going this week...but I've just gotta hang in there...I've waited four months, what's another one more week right? Yeah...before I know it, it will be Sunday. Sunday afternoon...it'll all pass. IT WILL ALL PASS! *Grit teeth* Grrrrr....

Joy and Happiness...leads to Contentment (part1)

There are a thousand and one things I can say now...and yet, not be able to say. I just dunno where to start! Life's good now, everything is near-perfect =) Near, but not perfect yet (nothing can be ever perfect). I mean, of coz there are the things I can go on bitch about for days (money, work, ppl...etc) But I am almost contented. It's like, everything has started falling into place, and I can start being grateful for all that I have now. Or will have.

I graduated 3 yrs ago, found a job within the month despite the economy being down in the doldrums, and even though it's a small firm, the money sux...the job nature and most importantly, the ppl there more than make up for it. I guess I can safely say I love my boss, my boss loves me...and everyone else loves me =) I may not have a lot of dough, but in the least I make enough to give myself a comfortable life.

And as you would have known by now, I'll be embarking on a new challenge in two months' time - starting grad sch. I nearly wanted to use the phrase "starting on a new phase of my life"...but no, I think that doesn't really count. My life isn't going to undergo some overhaul because of that. Rather, my life will change because of the additional responsibilities I would have, that I would have to adapt to.

But I think what is and what will be life changing for me, is the new addition in my life. Strictly speaking, he isn't a new addition to my life. *grin* He's always been around me; friends we've been for close to ten years I think (when I was in JC1). Somehow, things just didn't happen..or rather, it was kinda like wrong person or wrong timing. I guess we've come a long way indeed. There were the wrong people in between, bad situations, etc. It's sorta like what many would have heard before, you are looking and searching, but the person has actually always been around you all this time. Yeah, that's it, something so simple, yet complicated by little twists of fates. But seems that everything has come full circle now. Life's funny like that, once you let go of the wheel, you just might end up right where you belong. And I guess I do feel that with him, he is where I belong.

These past 2 months or so has been life-changing for me...ok, too strong a word. Life-transforming. We both have developed rather fast, but positively, I would say. He was cautious...very, I should add. Or perhaps I should say I don't like to look at things too complicatedly. The world is complex as it is; it doesn't need any more input from me. But well, things remained that way.

Anyways to cut the story short, we had a sort of burst-up, and that's when he realised he shouldn't be making me sad anymore (he told me so...hee). I'm glad things turn out ok. It was kinda surreal in the beginning, coz the fate-twisting moments and the fairytale ending made everything seemed unbelievable. But well...it is happening. Has happened, actually.

Some very important things I've learnt. One - both must want this to work. Both must work together. We all know it takes two to clap, but how loud, how resounding is the applause? That depends on both parties now, doesn't it? How much strength you apply, how fast you bring you hand down, how you fashion your clap (I know this sounds kinda physics-y); it all makes a whole lot of difference. Simply said, it's the effort you want to, are willing to and WILL invest. Talk is cheap, but actions and speech goes together; neither can do without the other. You need to share your thoughts and do it.

The other thing I've learnt - Sharing. Sharing your thoughts, sharing your plans and ideals...basically, sharing your lives. It makes a whole lot of difference, and I appreciate that really a whole lot more because he isn't in Singapore (for now at least). It makes me understand the meaning and value of sharing. I guess that's the case with human beings; when things come easy, we tend to take things for granted.

But I do believe in one thing - what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. *smile* We've had our fair share of quarrels, some petty issues, some big arguments. But at the end of the day, there is an unspoken consensus; that these quarrels are a process for us to get to know each other better. It doesn't entail anything more than learning to understanding each other. Some people tend to see quarrels as a breaking point, that it is an indication of ill-fit. Granted, I'm not saying quarrels are ALL good. Everything must serve a purpose. You don't quarrel for the sake of arguing or winning an argument. At the end of the day, we must solve it, learn from it...or at least move on from it. Much as we feel like a perfect fit, like a glove to a hand, we are also still learning to accomodate each other in some areas. Tweaking and fine-tuning the works. And this is a never-ending learning process. Once you think you've got it all...then I guess it's time to start worrying. Because you can never get it all.

But of course...it helps quite a fair bit that he gives in to me *hee* or rather, he knows what makes me tick...the stuff that makes me melt and go all soft and gooey. Heh...He picks up fast. Haha...

I guess it's all about looking at the positive side of things. I'm probably the last person who has a right to talk about optimism. But hey, there are still things I know I should be positive about. And I'm learning still, to be less pessimistic.

I certainly don't mean to sound like a self-righteous guru now...you should realise that I'm just sharing some aspects of what I have personally gone through. Every person is unique, and that makes every relationship one of a kind too. I'm sure you've got your lessons to share, your stories to tell. I'm just sharing mine. =D but I guess I oughta stop now, in case I become too overbearing. I'll share more in Part 2...soon, hopefully =)

P/S: I've just realised that I took 2 weeks to write, finish and post this entry. Yes, hopefully the nx won't take as long...There are just thousand and one things I want to include la...heh