Gloomy Sunday

Today marks the first day of my misery...I feel so alone...and sad...and everything. The bf is away this week. For someone who's used to having him around, other than during working hours, it certainly is a very painful case of separation. Not to mention, the last 2 weeks were spent holidaying (almost) together...1 week of HK together, followed by another 3.5days of half work-relaxation in KL. It's back to work tomorrow for me, while he's gone on to Taiwan for work. I absolutely hate it when he has to travel overseas without me. He's going to have to promise me that he'll earn lotsa moolah in future, so that I can travel with him. Hmpt.

Basically, I'm just dreading and loathing everything that is to come (apart from Friday that is, when the bf comes back). I'm getting a case of the blues, which goes by a variety of names, such as mood swings, depression, PMS (although biologically it really isn't so)...whatever you call it. And it doesn't help that I'm returning to work tomorrow, after an almost 2-week break. To add shavings to the ice, it most certainly doesn't help too that I'm going back to a work that I don't enjoy nor look forward to.

So here I am, trying to make things better. Key word is try, which obviously, I'm sceptical about working of course. Counting down to Fri is tough...considering today is Sunday, only the first day he's away. Kaoz. Sorry, that expletive just had to be done. I've sort of thought of some things to do to occupy myself in the meantime. Some, looooooong overdue. Ahem. Of course, whether I'll get down to them remains to be seen...becoz admittedly, I'm the master of all procrastinators.

Checklist:

1. Re-arrange my wardrobe

Following my mediocre success at expanding my wardrobe during my holiday sprees, the conquests must be squeezed into the 2 cupboards I have. Ahem. Failing which, I need to, in the very least, re-pack a portion of the wardrobe to make way for the additions. I don't want to even forget I own a certain piece of blouse of skirt. Which erm...has happened couple of times already. I guess some pieces of clothing just have the means of disappearing into obscurity. Tsk tsk.

2. Photoshop my photographs

61 unedited albums to date, some dating as far back as 2007. Need I say more? *sheepish* I owe lotsa ppl photos!

3. Tidy up my room (small scale)

It's turning from a chicken coop, to a pig sty. From the table to the floor, my rubbish are just utterly pilling up in almost every inch of available space in my room! It's makin my already-small room, mini-size! I don't wanna wait till I have to tip-toe around or worse, sleep on top of things! Small scale because this task only involve packing things into the cupboard. This mammoth task will probably take up the bulk of my available time already. Disclaimer: does not include clearing old/unwanted rubbish FROM the cupboards/shelves/drawers/etc. Trust me, I would love to be able to do a large/full scale spring cleaning of my room.

4. Go through the pile of Recruits

...which my mom has painstakingly collected for me...and are collecting dust underneath my table (what did I say about untidyness?). All I can say is, I hope the search can be fruitful. If & when I get down to it. Some of the ads have expired by now, I'm pretty sure of that.

Erh..so far these are what I can come up with. For obvious reason of urgency. Will add to them when I can or need to come up with more. Bcoz as it is, it's already 845pm Sunday, and I'm still blogging and playing FB...and I would need to go shower and zz soon. Not that I want to, but well, work demands I sleep early *shrugs*

Just an afterthought: can't believe the 2 weeks of hols just swung by. 2 Sundays ago, I was looking forward to HK; last sunday, I had just come back from HK, but looking forward to KL. Now...I'm just dreading the LP-ing at work this week and next. I had already known I would have a hard time after all the fun has gone..but it's always hard to face up to reality, especially when it's staring at you right in the face, aint it? *Extreme loathing* Kaoz.

Life's Vulnerabilities

Have you ever wished to live someone else's life?

I did.

And I don't mean a rich man / woman's life...yeah I mean, who doesn't want to try that sort of lifestyle?

Me...I've always wanted to live someone's life, at different points in my life. Sometimes it would be a classmate's, because he/she is so smart and always aceing their exams, I want to feel how that feels...or an adult who seems to be enjoying life, buying anything she fancies...or a friend who has a job that he/she loves and is having fun with it, while drawing a comfortable salary (ideal!)...or basically, just being that friend of yours who seems to have everything...career, family, a life.

Of course, by now any sensible person would know that some people are just born lucky. Everything smooth-sailing, or that their troubles are nothing like yours...while there are those who had to work doubly hard and sacrifice far more, to achieve what they have.

Similarly, I've always wondered if there has been anyone who wishes for MY life. I think on the whole, my journey has been alright. Not the best, but I do not it could have been worse...or that there are others who have it worse than I did. I've made mistakes in my life, some which have made me a better person and I'm thankful for. But there are those too that I've screwed up pretty ugly. Stuff that I wished I never did, stuff which I have no wish to remember either. They are parts of my life I want to bury, that I wished they would just rot and decompose, and never surface again.

I feel I'm currently standing at a sort of cross-roads in my life now, unsure where and how to proceed. Before this, I thought I was sure about my direction...where and what next. Today...all I can utter is I really don't know. I don't know what the future holds for me. And that's scaring me coz I'm not a teenager waiting to enter jc or uni, who has ample time to decide. I'm nearing thirties (a scary thought), and the fear that I will not achieve much is a fear in itself.

Three close friends of mine (they don't know each other) have told me about themselves and "aspirations" - they have no wish to climb the corporate ladder. They are content to have a stable job, stable income...sort of like, they won't go hungry, although they wouldn't strike big fortune either. They reckoned they would get promotions and such, but probably they would remain in the middle management at the most...and they are happy. I'm not saying I'm not like that...but a part of me wants more than that. A part of me wants to be a career woman, like one of those you see in dramas or movies, juggling family and a big-ass career. Thing is, I really am not sure if I'm like that, if I'm cut out for the corporate game, if I can survive the corporate intricacies. Bcoz as it is now, I can't take it already. I'm the "nice" character who can't stand up for herself, and can only wish for the best that people will be nice and not bully her. SO...what happens when the contrary happens? Well it's already happening.

I'm beginning to doubt my own abilities. I kinda feel like I'm a jack of all trades, but master of none. I have a few skills, but they aren't good enough to make me a specialist. Yet, I don't know enough / variety of skills, to make me a "jack of all trades" either. And that's making me scared...what's to become of me? Some say, you don't try, you don't know...but what if I had to try alot of times? At this rate, I'll always be stuck at this level - going round and round, not moving up nor on. I'll never progress, whether personally or in my career. Have I actually been thinking too highly of myself? Or at least more than what I really can offer?

some really random post...

1. Tears

2. Music

...Combine the two and I suppose that will do for me too...

I just turn on the aircon (cool me down, physically and psychologically), blast the music...if it's a sad song, I cry buckets...if it's a 'happy' tune, well, I sing along and feel better afterwards...that is of coz, I don't skip that song..or if the next song is not a sad song and put me in some sappy mood again...

Hmm..sometimes sleep does wonders too =)

a blessing for journalism

May the God who said "Let there be light",
bless us in our search for truth and our quest to bring light to dark places.

May God give us the grace to resist the temptation to create a story with little regard for truth,
to assassinate character with little regard for mercy,
to slant reports with little regard for accuracy,
in order to curry favour or earn dishonest reward.

May God give us inspiration,
to tell the truth as we see it without favour,
to report oppression and violence without fear,
to stand by the innocent and defend the right, to encourage the good and denounce the evil.

May we recognise the power of the word,
and not use that power irresponsibly,
nor for personal gain,
but rather for the welfare of the community as a whole,
and particularly, the hungry, the homeless and the poor.

May we find a blessing as we write courageously to give true pictures,
as we seek to bring hope where there is despair,
as we influence people to search for truth,
as we increase understanding of issues,
and as we contribute to the happiness of all.

May God, the compassionate and loving Creator,
protect us in times of danger,
guide us in situations of perplexity,
uphold us in the experience of failure,
and encourage us in times of success.

John Johansen-Berg, England
(from the book "A world of Blessing: Benedictions from every continent and many cultures, compiled by Geoffrey Duncan)

~Yeah...right

Just a thought...

I completed a story book lately - "The Book of Lost Things" by John Connolly...It's a fantasy story, but quite an interesting read. Fantasy stories are not something I would pick up generally; it all depends. I got to know of this book through Borders e-newsletter, and I read its synopsis, which didn't sound too bad. At some stages, it did keep me gripped, so quite something I enjoyed. So if you are keen, go for it.

Well I'm not plugging the book, just something that occurred to me after I completed the book. A similarity I shared with the boy in the story. Well, he was an only child and his mom's life was slowly ebbing away due to cancer. He came to this conclusion that something can be done about it, and it was all up to him. It started out innocently enough; he just did his playing and games quietly so as not to disturb his mom's rest, and basically he felt that if he did some things a certain way, if he did certain things in a particular / routine way, he can keep his mom's illness at bay. So it came right down to the point where he would wake up in the morning and get out of bed on the right side; he would take a certain number of steps (even, not odd - odd numbers were deemed evil) to go to the bathroom; he would brush his teeth a certain number of times (even still); chew his food a certain number of times (even again)...stuff like that. And if he had bumped his head accidentally on the left side, he would bump it on the right just to make it even..and if he thought he had bumped twice instead of the designated once, he would bump it once again, or any number of times necessary to make it even-numbered and so on; the things he would do...

When I was reading the book, it occurred to me that he seem to have some compulsive disorder. Then I realised that I was a little like that too..and still am sometimes. I thought even numbers were good and odd was bad; and instead of an "obsession" with numbers, I was stuck on routine habits - like doing certain things in a certain way so that I would have a smoothsailing day that day. But I stopped that bad habit after I came to Christ. He, after all, is whom I believe to be in control of my life, not some silly chance thing. In any case, I thought, if doing certain things routinely will get me through a day well, then it's probably the devil at work, that I had to panter to his likes. Haha..well, I caught myself doing that still actually. Not that I believe otherwise now, but I supposed I just sort of fell into habit again. Oh well. Just thought how differently it had looked when it's someone else's story, and how "I'm not like that" or "I certainly don't have any disorders!"...but really, isn't the similarity a tad too uncanny? haha...WELL, I know I DON'T have any disorder =)

What's happening to me!!

I know I ought to be studying now...but I just can't seem to catch hold of my mood. I know I'll feel guilty about blogging instead of doing revision, but heck..I'll leave that to later. I guess I just have to piah doubly hard later tonite.

I completed my first paper last friday...the weeks and days leading up to that was a total nightmare...no, torture would be more apt. Right up to the last week before the paper, I was rushing some stupid assignment. THen when I finally could get down to the proper revision, I realised, to my horror, that 1) there was too much to study and 2) I was studying too slowly. In any case, I was on the verge of giving up. Actually I did throw my hands up in despair...was just too sick of the whole damn thing to get on with anything. Well I guess you can say it was a miracle that I decided to turn up for the paper after all.

I turned up for a paper that I hadn't even revised past 3 chapters. "Gung-ho" huh..but not that I wanted it this way loh. I guess you can really call it a miracle if I passed. I was so depressed...I prayed so feverishly just to let me pass..although the words of the Dean still rang loud and clear in my ears - on average, students should be getting As and Bs...if you are getting Cs (ie. just passing), you ought to look at yourself again and buck up. Nothing harsh, true in fact, but that feeling is really...sux I'd say. And you know what, having come out from that exam, I knew if I had time to study harder, it's really not difficult! And I'd really want to kick myself for this - I just had this gut feeling, so loud and clear, that these 2 particular chapters will surely be tested on...but I just didn't devote time to that. How stupid can I get huh..Well yes, there were 2 essay questions on that -.- Crap.

It wasn't like what I wanted it to be..studying I mean. I wanted it to be an enjoyable process, since the last thing I want is for it to be like how the situation was back in the NUS degree days. I mean, afterall, this is not my first degree, I don't need this to get me a job or something..I want to be able to explore the stuff I'm studying and go more in-depth, instead of studying for the grades. But guess what, as it is, I already am doing just that loh - studying for the grades instead of knowledge. That kinda feeling is distasteful, really. Sigh.

I can't deny what I'm going to do if I really flunk the module. So embarassing rite? but to quit is also equally embarassing! Sigh. But it'll be so sian loh...to have to repeat the module...I not know what to do. Argh. I hope they'll b kind not to flunk me..or that my assignments and projects can help out a little. The last thing I want is to see my friends progressed to year 2 or somthing while I have to repeat a module with my juniors! *Horrors! As if it's of any comfort - Eugene said the same thing too, that if he were to flunk any module this sem (which I very much doubt so), he would quit immediately and cut losses. To which Jac said, logically they'll not flunk anyone, at least not in the first sem, coz they want to earn your $ (sch fees). They know ppl will start dropping out if they flunk, and there goes the $ they can earn. If they want to flunk ppl, it would be till sub sems, when u are so deep into it that you can't quit when u flunk coz you would hv put so much into it liao. Heh...some kind of "wai1" li...(crooked reasoning) haha...

Anyways, I'm still on study leave. Clearing my leave too...I'll leave the news to the next entry *winks...But well, after my last paper, I'll be returning to work on Thursday. Yep yep, my next and last paper will be on Weds...Communications Research. I hate research really, but the prof is a nice lecturer. =) As always, I study for the teacher/lecturer (habit since sec sch). heh. The paper is going to be application style, though it's not open book. It's so me to procrastinate...I haven't had much revision done. Oh well..I ought to go on about it soon...I mean, really really soon, like NOW. Heh..more updates soon...Ciao!

Oh yes...my dear dear is touching down tonite! Happiness! I can see him tonite liao! Happiness! Hee...Can't wait!

if ever i would leave you...

If ever I would leave you
It wouldn't be in summer
Seeing you in summer
I never would go
Your hair streaked with sunlight
Your lips red as flame
Your face with a lustre
that puts gold to shame

But if I'd ever leave you
It couldn't be in autumn
How I'd leave in autumn
I never will know
I've seen how you sparkle
When fall nips the air
I know you in autumn
And I must be there

And could I leave you
running merrily through the snow
Or on a wintry evening
when you catch the fire's glow

If ever I would leave you
How could it be in spring-time
Knowing how in spring I'm bewitched by you so
Oh no not in spring-time
Summer, winter or fall
No never could I leave youat all

Looooong Break, Short Update

Sorry for the long hiatus..it's mid-Aug now, and this is only my first entry of the month. I've been neglecting this blog for quite awhile :( I'm such a slacker. Heh..

Well I would have loved to blog often, but there have been many distractions keeping me away. Before I go on further, I must forewarn you of the incoherent me. I'm a little tired by this time these days. Alritey, I've been minding my own business of course, but sometimes, things just happen around you and you can't very well stay out of its way right, if you know what I mean.

Hmm coming to think of it, I could very well come up with a ranking or something, to sort of list the top happenings around me now. Yep let's do that. Yah I know how uninteresting my life can be, that you may even be wondering why I even bother doing a ranking. Though my "ranking" will be a short list. Heh. Don't care.

1. Isabel has quit her job

Well things between her and boss and Eve aren't exactly pleasant now. They seemed like they have turned loggerheads now. To summarise, Boss feels that Isa hasn't been putting in sufficient effort, while Isa feels that boss hasn't been understanding enough. A matter of perspectives I guess, but who am I to say anything. The last thing I want is for the team to split, but if it has come to this point, then the least I hope for, is an amicable split, which well..by the looks of it, isn't really going to happen. On surface, things are cordial...but too unnaturally cordial. There are a lot of underlying tensions, and Eve certainly isn't helping much at times when she fans the fire or adds oil. Sigh. Interviews are ongoing for the next junior, but well, it's either that Boss doesn't seem to have the sense of urgency about it, or that there aren't enough good applicants. Whatever it is, Sophia is feeling the heat and stress.

2. My bro's ROM

1 December 2007 will be the date. Last month was actually a turbulent/traumatising time for him and the family. The gf actually asked for a break, and said that there was a third party. Understandably, my bro was upset about it. Anyways, to cut the long story short, they were back together three days later. She said that she was "only testing him". -.- Sigh. How true? I dunno. Should I believe? I also dunno. My bro he does, wholeheartedly. My sis, myself, my parents...we don't know how/what to make out of the mess. Then he purportedly got very 'on' about ROM-ing, wanting to fix a date and stuff like that. To be fair, well, they had been trying to ballot for a HDB Q number, and they did talk about ROM since last year alredy. It's just that this scare has gotten him on his toes, all-ready to act on it now. Well...being my bro, of coz I wish him the best, hope for the best. Just that my sis n myself dunno how to face the gf still.

My bro asked me to be his MC cum photographer on his ROM day (Comes with my job). Heh...Well I told him I don't mind doing it of course, if I were in Spore that is. You see, NTU's exams will be held in November, and is scheduled to end by 1 Dec. My intention is to fly out to Cairns once my papers are over, and this may stretch beyond 1 Dec. Esp say, my last paper is on 25Nov or something. But because I don't have my confirmed exam dates as yet, so I can't say yes or no to him too. Oh well...we'll see. If I can help it, I won't want to miss it too. But hmm...I missed my 2nd sis' ROM...coz I was having lessons on that day (uni that time). Haa.

3. School Starts!

Yep, school has started. I've been attending classes for the last 3 weeks le. The stress and pressure of co-handling school and work is no joke. I've got so much readings to complete for just two miserly modules loh. Doesn't sound alot, but coupled with a day job...you know what I mean. Day in, day out, school assignments, projects and term papers are always on my mind, and they are driving me crazy soon. The fear of not knowing what/how to do, the anxiety of not doing a good job...Haiz. Like Tricia said, sometimes I wonder what I've got myself into..haha..but well, I'm NOT regretting, and I'm certainly not about to make myself go there. I know this is what I want for myself; I hope I will stop being lazy. Haa...And you know what that means...I haven't been shopping, my life is down to a rather low-low. Sigh. I'm not a happy girl now. Haha..

Aiyoh k lah, I shall stop this for now..This short post has actually took me so many days to compose; writing a little and saving each bit everyday. Finally it gets to see the light of the day -.- Yeah I'm lazy...Correction, I'm busy *grin*

Waiting for Time to Pass

Hmm..dunno why, just suddenly have the urge to do an entry now. Kinda strange, coz I'm like at work now loh. Haha. Guess maybe it's coz the day is draggy and long, taking forever to end. -.- After some loooong wait, finally it's 5.15pm now. Today is one of those days when you look at the clock, it's 3pm; you do a whole load of things, take another look at the clock, it's 3.10pm. -.-''

I was in a pissed mood just now...and aggravated by the fact that some frens just chose the right moment to step on my toes. Eg, Adrian. He super one kind...Ok, he started out of concern, no doubt. He msned me, asking me how's my day, and my reply was "busy, draggy, can't wait for it to end..so not very good mood". And you know what that idiot (yes Adrian you are an idiot) had to say? "Why? Period coming?" Can someone, anyone, please enlighten me why issit that guys have to assume it's our menses causing hormonal inbalance, and thereby wrecking havoc in our moods? Ok fine, granted, that is a scientific-fact, I'm not arguing against that. What I have a grouse with is, why do you have to assume that as the cause of the first inkling of trouble?

I mean, when guys fly into a non-explicable rage, nobody goes "Why? Hormonal inbalance?" or "Raging hormones? Didn't get what you want?" -.- I know, that sounds kinda crude. But crap. That's what I mean loh. I'm not trying to suggest anything feministic here...but doesn't it sound kinda discriminatory or smthg? I dunno..I can't put a finger on it..just doesn't feel good abt it. Felt kinda mis-understood or misplaced. Sigh. Anyways. Adrian u pig.

Hmm...let's see, some good news =) Our dear Isabel may very well soon be on her way to snaggin her new guy loh. Hee. This fellow is her friend whom she's known for a long time. Kinda like my situation. =) They've known each other for coming to 10 years (me and J coming to 11 yrs..hee). I'm happy for her. I believe (just as she does) that she will be happier with this guy. We have our reasons, and we happen to concur =) Oh he happens to be a J too. Heh. Well, give them a couple of months, they'll probably get hitched (bf-gf) very soon. Who knows, we may even go shopping for V-day prezzie together next year =D Wishing her the best. =) She'll be graduating from her school soon..Means once school's out, she'll revert back to her normal work hours..and lunch sessions with her will resume soon *grin*

Argh! Look! Look! This is what I mean loh...in the midst of my doing work and blogging, albeit short entry...it's only 5.40pm now!! Time absolutely craaaaaawwwwls!!! I hate today. I hate now.

Registration Day

I went on half day today, coz today is my registration day at NTU. First and foremost, it was a rather queer sensation, to leave office at half day. It's been such a long time since I went on leave, especially a half day leave. My last leave was in...April? When I went on cruise with my parents. Actually not that long ago, but it certainly felt like ages ago. Heh. Yeah, I'm lazzzy...

Anyways, I had lunch first with the office girls before I went on my way, embarking on the long and arduous journey all the way to the lonesome hill top, which is to become so agonisingly familiar in time to come. Registration was slated to end at 4pm, and I reached NTU grounds approx 315pm. Ok, not terribly early, but should still have ample time right? WRONG lor...

Ok, I was supposed to drop by the Students Services Centre (SSC) to make payment for some administrative fees before proceeding to another building for registration. Armed with a blurry map, I made my way towards what seemed the correct direction, and all was well initially. And then I lost track of the SSC. It was like, so near yet so far. I knew it was in the vicinity of where I was standing, and I would have continued to trudge ahead to what I thought was the SSC. Until this other girl who was supposed to do registration too (she had the same blur pink map) told me that she came from the other direction and the building wasn't where she came from. Pengz.

I walked left, right; tried to look for signs to point me in the right direction at least, to no avail. And it didn't help that this god-forsaken place was a mass of buildings with no labels. I mean, in the map, they labelled this and that building as this and that, but when I saw the physical place, they either don't label the building (no big signs on top), or the signs were hidden at some obscure side panel, blocked by luscious trees! *roll eyes* Of course, I asked some kind souls, and they pointed me in the direction. Guess what? The SSC building sits atop one of the hill top. Literally, I tell u; no kidding. *faint*

That long flight of steps that stretched forever. I tell you, if not for the fact that I run, I think I may just have panted and paused half way up. Anyways, by the time I reached the finance office, it was 350. And I was positively drenched in perspiration. Yuck. And not the prettiest sight, I know. I was stricken with panic to my bones, coz I seriously didn't know what would happen if registration was over and I didn't do mine. 27 was the one and only day allocated to do it. And best of all, I just had to be queuing behind this typical complainy Singaporean.

It was obvious he was in a foul mood, perspiring and in a huff. He began ranting and raving at the person-in-charge, who was preparing for his payment and stuff. He raised a ruckus, complaining that NTU was inflexible, that he had Q-ed for an hour over at the registration place, only to "find out" that he had to make payment first before going to register, peppering his whiny complaints with the occasional foul word like "...you guys are sibeh inflexible...why can't we just do registration then I come and do payment lah...what's wrong with it...etc etc" (excuse my language; I was just repeating what he said).

Hello, "what's wrong"? Yeah, what's right is that you, Mr Whiny, are wrong. What's wrong is that you failed to read instructions. It was written clearly in the letter that you have to make payment FIRST before proceeding for registration. It's not that fault that you didn't read instructions and made such a big boo-boo and caused such inconvenience to yourself. NTU's fault was accepting a graduate student like you into their programme, one who doesn't read instructions, and probably didn't deserve a spot in their programmes. What's more, after I had made my payment and went to the registration place, they had in fact, put up a notice outside, reminding students to make payment FIRST.

What's obvious is that dear Mr Whiny is either blind (didn't see the multiple reminders), poor comprehension (didn't understand what he was reading) or pompous (thinks he is exclusive and can get away without making payment first and hoping to do registeration). Mind you, Mr Whiny is a well-dressed Shenton-way executive ok, with shirt-pants-tie and the works. Probably in his mid-thirties. Can you blame Singapore girls for being demanding about the quality of Singapore men? Anyways, I told Jac I hope he isn't our classmate. Haha.

But well, through his ranting, I knew that there was a long Q ahead, so it wouldn't be possible that the registration will end at 4pm. Heh...that kinda made me feel a little better, a little mroe assured that I still can make it. Hee. I made payment and proceeded to the registration place, and I still managed to make it before 4. Not bad. =) Everything happens for a reason. I guess I ought to learn not to jump into a frenzy so soon, since everything is in his control. =) I mean, if I had reached earlier, I would have to wait anyway. Oh well...I guess it all ended well.

By the time I made my way home, it was nearing 6pm...not much of a half-day off right. Initially I thought I would have some time leftover to perhaps do some shopping or whatever, so as to make my half-day leave more worthwhile. But sigh. I was bushed when I got home; I went to nap for awhile, and woke up like 7+ then went for a short run.

Pauline actually asked me if I wanted to join her at Dbl O with her frens. She's on "vacation"...having just left her teaching job. Though I'm not sure if I'm envious of her or not. Heh. Oh well.

P/S - Countdown: Another 3 more days and my Mr J will be back *grin*

PUH-LEEASE make the time spin faster?

Time positively crawwwwls... *yawn*

What does it take for time to pass faster?! Day in, day out, I swear the hours and minutes just enjoy torturing me! For the first time, I'm so busy, yet the time ticks! What is this?!

Ok, sorry that I'm yelling. I just can't wait. Sigh. Countdown - another 11 days. Or how about you knocking me out cold for the next 11 days, and someone please wake me up on 1 July? *ponders* I think that's a mighty good suggestion.

ELEVEN freaking days!! Goshhhh.........Is there anyone I can bribe for this?

Mondays Blu

Have no idea why, but I found work a major chore today. Certainly a blue Monday. Dry, boring...time was an enemy, crawling and unyielding. To make matters worse, the mood was nothing less than tensed in office this morning. My boss was in a bad mood, my colleagues had different clients driving them up the wall. I was slightly luckier, escaping to an editorial meeting at the client's place, though it wasn't any much better, really. The boss wasn't exactly happy that we are waay behind schedule, honestly through no fault of ours.

Anyways, following that, I was treated to a simple but sumptuous fare of chinese fare. Hee...Then it was back to office to mug some more. Faced off with yet more tension in the office. Not amongst the office peeps, but with other silly people and stuff outside. At one point, I even had to muster all my will power to keep me from slumping over and dozing off. Super duper drowsy. And it certainly didn't help that the articles I was rushing were boring as hell. Actually it was a good thing that I don't have the clock anywhere within my view. In a way, it does help time to pass faster, especially the few hours in the afternoon. It didn't occur to me to look at my watch too. Heh. Still, in that state of half-drowsiness, half the time I wasn't sure what I was writing on too, so you can imagine the quality huh. I had to keep going back, vet and re-write the damn thing. Lotsa time wasted, no doubt.

Anyways, the "poem" appended below was written by Moses, when he was freshly graduated out of NUS. I've seen his results slip before, by the way, and his worst grade through all his uni years was the the grade A. Serious. A+ being the best grade, and grade A was the next best grade liao. Straight A student, I tell u. Shouldn't come as a surprise. The fella was an RI boy. Duh. Apart from being a boss here, he's also a part-time lecturer in NUS now.

Well watever. He went to work for HDB, and he wrote the poem out of boredom. Whatever he wrote about in the poem below was true. He was paid a handsome salary for doing nothing then. And so were some others. Wasting taxpayers' money rite. Well, he got restless of course. Quite funny, especially when you imagine that naive-innocent him pouring his soul out in that poem. The poem got passed around the department and even his boss saw it. But thankfully, he had alredy submitted his resignation when he wrote the poem, and before it got circulated (he wasn't the one who circulated it). It came back as an email to him. So the other day while we were packing up in our old office, he pulled this from his dust-collection and read it aloud. Haha..

HDB –
This is not the place for me
Read this further and you will see
The reason for my agony

When I finished varsity
I thought I had ability
Full of zeal, came here to be
An Estates Officer truly

But what I found here certainly
Caused me to lose my energy
All I have to do only
Is to go and photocopy

This I do reluctantly
Until my boss showed sympathy
He gave me a different job completely
Guess what? Make transparency

Always when I feel lazy
Wish to be alone and have some tea
Boss would say so suddenly
“The projector, quick, carry!”

Projector, projector, you’re heavy
Who can I complain to, but thee
This, after all, is not easy
And where, oh where, is my destiny

My friends told me that I’m lucky
To find a job so quickly
A job that has security
With lots and lots of good money

But this is not what I want to be
What can I do?...Poor me
Have to accept this penalty
A victim of the economy

But while I’m here in HDB
I’ll try my best and be happy
I know one day when I look back and see
There was a purpose there for me
- A Relief Estates Officer

Chasing Shadows

Those times when I go running...My shadow is short and stout - a fear that I hope will never materialise ever again. Other times it becomes elongated - one of the few times I see myself "become" tall. Sometimes I'm ahead of my shadow, other times I'm tailing it, seemingly leading the way.

I took a different route today on the 'back' journey. I was running beside the road most of the time, and whenever I took in my periodic big gasp of air, all it smelt was bad air, bad exhaust air. What can you expect, you asked. Yeah I know that. But it seemed especially bad today. At times when the run got a little droning, I looked down at my feet. The mundane yet steady thump seemed to have a life of their own. But it did help looking at my own feet. I couldn't believe that was how "fast" I was managing. I ran faster.

Today's run started out hot and bothersome. The weather was humid, not a single whisper of wind. But the perspiration didn't come till some 10min later. Was I not running hard enough? I told myself since I had done my run yesterday, today was a bonus. I shall allow myself to do half the distance instead. But no matter what, the sticky weather did get to me. I was ready to give up the run many times during the run. Perhaps was my laziness.

Well I did turn back half way into the journey. And this time, on the way back, I was reminded why I like running at nite. The breeze did come this time, and a good gust too. And it couldn't have come at a better timing - when I was running down-slope. Perfect!

The rush of wind against your warm cheeks, perspiring body, tired soul, just seemed to do wonders to your overall being. It added that additional boost of adrenaline rush, makes you want to go faster, continue running and not have to stop.

Honestly? I wasn't as satisfied with the half-hearted run I did today. But at least I got reminded why I still want to run. And no doubt about it; every run does its wonder for me still. Still feels good =)

I gave myself a good treat in the shower just now. No why, just felt like it. I used my rarely-used strawberry exfoliating body polish and used a luxurious portion to give myself a good scrub down. I gave my damaged hair a good treat again by conditioning it (yeah I know, I ought to do that more often). Now I'm all clean and perfect-smelling. Strawberries! Now where's the cream? Hee...

Mindless Entry...but who cares!

And so the weekend has drawn to a close. And I didn't do any work despite lugging a crap-load back. Sigh. Yeah I know...I could very well be spending this time doing my work than blogging here. Not that I have anything to update on...But I am in the mood to just blog an entry tonite. Never mind that it's probably going to be a mindless one.

My 2 sisters n their families, my bro and myself went Qian Hu today in 2 cars, with the intent to get a new tank. Our original medium-sized tank which houses 2 lionhead-goldfishes (not sure if I got it right...not a huge fish fan), 2 parrot fishes, 10 gardinals and a lobster turned into a fighting ground. One of the parrot fishes is one helluva of a naughty creature, chasing the lobster, biting the goldfish...so my bro decided to get another tank, one to house the 'tame' ones (goldfish, tetras) and the other to house the tiger barbs, lobster and parrot fishes. But well, u've guessed it, we left Qian Hu with 3 more parrot fishes, and headed to Kahtib for a new tank. And from there, we went home with 2 more puffer fishes, 10 neon tetras and 2 'autos' (something that eats rubbish). And a big tank. Ha...We very nearly wanted to buy the 'Red Crystal', which is a type of small prawns, very nice-looking ones. But coz we've got to have sufficient grass in the tank first, not to mention a proper tank to house the prawns. At present, either of our tanks can't take the prawns...they'll prob be killed by either. Hehe..oh well...

Anyways, we set up both tanks and voila! The fishes are in. Probably shouldn't have new additions for the time being. I would love to have the prawns actually. Hehe..I thnk so far, both my bro and bro-in-law would have spent some hundreds on the fishes, tanks and the works. Goodness...hehe. An expensive hobby.

I've certainly got the blues now...Monday blues. Mainly coz of the tonnes of things I'm supposed to finish. I hate to remember, but I just can't help recalling it. Damn. I guess that's the way things are...You lose the things, the gd memories you hold dear so easily, but you just can't seem to shake off the bad stuff. Hmm..think I think too much now. Ok, I better head to bed now, since I don't intend to do any work. Rather try going into office erlier tomr then, and have an erly start. If I do manage to wake on time that is. Heh.

Crappy Day

I decided to go off early today instead of staying behind in office. Isabel was going for some visitation while Sophia went to get a hair cut. So well...I initially intended to come bck erly and go for a run, but coz it was raining like animals at my workplace, that sort of put a damper on the running motivation. Yeah I noe..probably an excuse. So I decided to re-route and head to my doc instead and pick up my medicine that he owed me the last time coz he didn't have stock. Yeah I know, kinda duh rite...

Well anyways, I went to the doc, pick up my med (had a short chat with him) and discovered to my horror that I may be putting on weight *gasp* Sigh...that's what 2 weeks of laziness (never go run) and mindless downing of food and tidbits do to ya. Ok, I have another try tomr after work, to come home erly again and go do my run. But you know...after work is kinda tiring already. So...I guess we'll see. Heh...

Lately I've been awfully tired...and easily tired too (dunno issit due to my not exercising sufficiently). Last nite was a gd example. But the damn thing is, when I plonk myself down in bed (it's 2am already), I just couldn't catch a wink. I tossed and turned in bed till 2+ or 3 I think, and I finally fell asleep (you know how you will know you are dreaming or sleeping, yeah?). But before I knew it, I was awake again, the time was 4+..and I didn't fall alseep again till 5+. Super sickening. So there you have it...I woke up a darker-than-usual-rings panda.

I went into office super tired and sleepy...and guess what? The stupid aircon chose to break down today -.- it was spewing hot air loh...and it was uber stuffy inside (coupled with the hot temperature outdoors), that all of us were so irritable. Rising temperatures literally. Kinda like a slow cooker man. At one point my oxygen-starved brain was ready to give up that I felt so faint and was ready to throw up...really can't stand it. And I went to take refuge in my boss' room (her room's aircon was working beautifully). The repairman came in at 4+ only loh...by then I think we were half stewed already. Best thing is, this isn't the first time the aircon died on us. It's been repaired countless times these couple of months. The aircon repair guys simple sux man. Everytime I see them come in, pump gas, fix a bolt here and there and that's it. And the aircon breaks down. And the cycle repeats. C'mon...they aren't addressing the problem loh. I'm like, whatever happened to 对正下药 huh? Anyway, they basically charge each time they come loh...isn't it their responsibility to ensure that they eradicate the problem huh? Pissed.

Hmm by the way, my dad has got another person to come in and do a quotation for my table. This time, the guy (his own business, has a factory) came down and took the measurements and gave a quote on the spot. He's a nice middle aged guy, gentle and kindly..AND his quote was waaay cheaper than the other fellow loh, who probably sub out to someone else (thus the mark-up). The other guy quoted 1200 (siao) and this elderly boss gave me a quote of half of that sum. Big diff huh...luckily wasn't stupid enuff to be swindled. But of course, I still have my reservations that the table may turn out to be sub-standard...but sigh...just have to hope for the best liao.

Somehow I seem to be in this brooding, sulky mood...don't feel like talking to anyone. Kinda like ostracising myself. Oh well...mabbe I ought to go to bed early today. After I'm done with this batch of photos...soon enough will be able to post up neh. Yayy.

Nothing much...

I'm pretty sure you would have noticed how things are more fun when done together with your friends, how humour is more hearty, more pronounced when you laugh with your friends...even food tastes better when you share them...warm and gratifying.

Im not sure how it is with guys, but we girls are generally ok about sharing food, sharing drinks, sharing desserts. Sometimes it's not about saving money or so that we can have a variety of choice by sharing food, but well...food just tastes better I guess.

It's the same ol' McFlurry ice-cream...but shared by three gluttons - Sophia, Isabel and myself. Hee..I must say the ice-cream tasted exceptionally good. Initially when Isabel suggested to share ice-cream, we thought she was refering to the 50c cone ice-cream. Haha..well, that would be a little erm...icky to share isn't it.

Well, we are barely out of a busy period when the next one is already descending on us. What's more, with effect from next week, Isabel will be going for her 3-mth bible studies, and in the meantime, she will be converting to part-time status. Sigh..means we will have to contend with pile-ups and tighter work deadlines. I don't think Sophia can help much, coz she would have alot of her own stuff to handle. Sigh.

Today was rather bad in office...everything was rush and urgent and demanded attention. I had a migrane so bad, a really pounding one, that it felt as though someone, or something was pressing down on the right lobe of my brain. i felt so weak that it was as though I would pass out any moment. It's strange, coz much as I've had migranes before, but none was really as bad as this one. It was a good thing I was in an ok mood today. Haha..otherwise I probably would not have been as patient with the clients. Anyways, I think it's nothing much. I attribute it to the unhealthy lifestyle I'm leading these past 2 weeks. I've been procrastinating and have not run for the past 2 weekends alredy. Heh..

Ok, guess I ought to put up some pictures real soon to liven up this blog. If not it looks a little dull and complain-y. Heh..I've got loads of pictures, untreated still. Hmm..I ought to get down to it soon.