Exciting...

Have just finished a mighty long article, so am rewarding myself with a time-out here to do a short entry. *eyes roll* Yeah...as if I haven't done enuff writing huh...Haha..

Yep, it's December already, and 2006 is drawing to a close...in 28 days' time. Scary huh, when you put it in that sort of perspective. I'm getting older...all of us are. But next year, I will be considered "past mid-twenties" *shudders* Oh mannn....

The other day, Sophia (the senior designer) told me about an incident that happened when she gave Isabel (the junior designer) a ride after work. To cut the story short, apparently Adrian, Sophia's fiance, asked about "the younger girl" while they were chatting in the car...In other words, he was referring to me. Thing is...Isabel IS the youngest. Tee Hee...

Ahem. But well, that still doesn't deny the fact that I AM past mid-twenties...and STILL boyfriend-less. Trust me, I AM worried for myself. When will dear Prince Charming appear? Or will he even appear?...I saw this on someone else's blog:

"What if someone you've never met, someone you've never seen, someone you've never known, was the only someone for you?"

*Beads of perspiration already forming on the brim of my forehead*

Good grief no!

Let's not go into this now...

*Whistle whistle whistle*

Ok, talking about Sophia. She has asked me to consider being her emcee at her wedding (!!!) *Not that word too! Okok, I've got to focus here* She will be getting married in late January and the male emcee at her dinner is still partner-less. She reckons that I can do the job, eloquent (more like edgy) and experienced (how about endrogenous...ok I'm not that either). Alrite, my point is, she thinks too highly of me! I did emcee for a good friend two months back, but that's about it...unless presentations and public speaking counts? I am flattered, but I am so scareddd stiff that I would disappoint her or even ruin her wedding. Her wedding is a slightly smaller crowd, but at a grand-er place *shifts nervously*

Those same few questions raced through my mind when she told me of her intention.

What if I'm boring?

What if nobody laughs at my jokes?

What if I'm....

I do recall the trillion butterflies-fluttering-in-stomach feeling, yet adrenaline rush at Audrey's wedding. I even remember telling myself: "Hey, I can get used to this!"...but I dunno...just worried if I can do a good job for Sophia. Especially when she tells me the male emcee is quick-witted and thinks fast on his feet (He's a banker..aka, smart) It's not that I don't want to be her emcee. I would gladly! I mean, how often does someone think you are up to being an emcee and ask u to? Part of me really wants to, but the cautious side of me is worried. Anyways, Sophia thinks meeting up with the co-partner may help to alleviate the awkwardness first, and find out if we can click. Oh well...it's not confirmed yet, so we'll see.

Yeah it's December...means Xmas is coming! My fav holiday of all! Church is doing a Xmas carnival on 23 Dec and all are welcome. There'll be a mini-concert, games and food stalls, etc...Melinda has roped me in to help her co-ordinate the logistics aspect for the stalls. After getting the opportunity to go into the communication ministry to do editorial, I'm really glad & thrilled to have this chance to be used. I do want to be more involved in the church and people. But much as I'm keen to contribute, I'm kinda worried if I will screw anything up. Too green, perhaps? But it would be good training for me I guess. Looks like this December is going to be hectic still...lotsa events to cover (work), meetings & co-ordination (church), I think.

I am supposed to clear 9 days of leave by this year (leftover from last year), but at the rate things are going (with work and outside work), I think it's not really possible to take any leave this month...much lest CLEARING leave (Yep I still have ridiculous deadlines to meet). I had intended to do a short trip with Lyn to Bangkok during mid-Dec (retail therapy), but after discussions with Audrey, we have decided to postpone it to mid-Jan, so that more people can possibly join us on the trip. And if everything goes as planned, I'll ask boss to let me delay "clearing" the leave to Jan 07 at least. Yayy...I sure hope things will work out fine.

My cell group is going to have a potluck gathering on Xmas eve, and a short weekend "retreat" in early Jan. I'm still getting acquainted with them, so I'm really glad for this opportunity. They really are such a nice bunch of ppl.

Ok, looks like Dec & Jan's schedule is out now. And of coz, I'm wondering, with the weekend retreat scheduled to happen on the first week of Jan, the intended Bangkok trip on the second, Sophia's wedding on the third (if I'm her emcee)...rehearsals are gonna be a tad...problematic. Hmm...

Sis coming back tomorrow from her Europe trip...can't wait. I'm still in that I-should-hv-been-on-that-trip mood. Yeah I know...*roll eyes* Ok, have got to hit the sack now. It's 2 already! Waking up early to go run wf mom tomr morning. Life seems good...if not for something missing.

Yawnz...

would have been a great nite...

As I've blogged, I covered yet another event last nite (Friday). This time though, the client didn't intend for me & boss to do any real work. As in, the other events that we have had to cover so far, the client expected us to take the necessary shots and speeches and interviews in between the dinner. So I was pleasantly surprised when the person told me just to enjoy the dinner, and that we were there as their invited guests, not to work. But of course, being occupational hazards, we still brought our camera & notebooks, scribbling notes and speeches of coz. Good thing we did, coz there were unexpected speeches made by guests, last min interviews that we simply should do in preparation for the next issue of the newsletter. Yeah, actually we expected that already, despite what she had said. But well, she was really apologetic. Haha..

It was a great evening actually. Remember I was saying these couple of days, weeks and months were nothing short of pure madness? And also that I was kinda surprised at my own abilities to handle everything, and the end result was more than satisfactory? Haha...yah, I'm indulging myself now...but hey, I deserve this! *wide grin*

Especially this particular client, one of the many clients I had been servicing since I joined this company. This organisation is a union under NTUC and co-operative (shan't name them). Basically they are a rather traditional cheena-sort of ppl, eg. likes red dislikes black that sort of thing. But the leader is a very forward-looking and adaptable person; and I must say the organisation is very successful one coz of his leadership and sharp biz acumen. I am in awe of the boss, who's this man in his 60s I think. Anyways, thought I'll just drop some little history.

Initially, I didn't really like servicing them, coz it seemed as though everyone in the company is either brash or rude or plain uneducated. Even the one whom I've been liaising with (the lady I mentioned just now). She was FOREVER trying to find my fault, pick at me. Seriously. Sort of like, I couldn't stand her, she didn't like me. Of coz I didn't show her. The thing is, I absolutely have no idea WHY. Anyways...one fine day, she just changed...for the better. She was nicer to me suddenly. I was of coz suspicious, but my boss kept saying she's a nice person...and that mabbe somehow I've won them over. Oh well...heck with that, so long as my job is easier. =) Indeed, things did get alot better, many many months down the road. I guess mabbe they just didn't really know me and don't remember much of me too. I guess I wouldn't be too chummy with someone I just got to know too. Heh..

The many times I have bent over backwards to help them complete things, I know they appreciate it. Now whenever I go over to their building, I certainly walk with alot more ease, passing by ppl and have them saying hi to me. That certainly feels good. In fact, I like going to big events where many of our different clients attend too, and have different ppl recognising me and saying hi...shaking hands with everyone...Yeah I know I'm egoistic...but really, that, to me, is an acknowledgement, an accomplishment, recognition...and certainly satisfaction.

Two weeks ago, we began to rush the production of the latest issue of the newsletter, in time for the D&D last nite. Two weeks for a magazine issue, with 36 page worth of stories, stories to write, people to interview and information to research and source for before writing begins. That means burnt nites, burnt weekends. And this time frame includes printing and delivery. Printing generally takes between 3-5 days, depending on quantity. This time, we went for a higher quantity print, coz the intention was to distribute the magazine during the dinner. Thankfully, the client allowed us to deliver 1/4 of the full quantity first. That really helped alot. Nonetheless, the timeline is still crap. I was really frustrated most of the time, stressed, upset, and what-have-you...On top of that, we had lotsa problems. For one thing, Isabel (my designer) was rushing other jobs and couldn't really start on the layout for this magazine. And thus far, the cover page proposals we showed were not satisfactory enuff for them. They were nice enuff not to outright "reject" what we gave them, but kept asking us to give them more proposals.Yah, I know there's no difference in that actually, but well still, at least that was kinda than saying "it's not gd enuff". Not to mention the countless hiccups we had to extinguish along the way. Oh, and by the time we conclude and send the magazine to print, it was Weds. Yah, and the dinner was on Fri. My printer had 2 days to print and deliver. She was really pressured, and she actually asked me if there could be any leeway. And I was really worried.

Ok, fast forward to Fri. Boss & myself reached the hotel - Ritz Carlton no less! and I could finally smile when I saw a copy of the newsletter on every seat. It was really whew...and of coz, I could hardly wait to browse through it. As far as we could see, it had turned out the way we wanted it to. Yayy! And call it a nice coincidence. The image on the cover of the magazine - It so happened that the ballroom, while the dinner was waiting to start, was bathed in spotlights designed in such a way that they cast lights around, just like how the magazine's cover was! As if we had planned it, as if the cover was designed in line with the deco of the ballroom. What's more, one of the major articles in the magazine had a layout that was similar to the backdrop on the stage. Haha...Great stuff.

And in that same night, my boss praised me...I mean, she's one who is generous with praise and encouragement. But this is one of the few times when I feel I'm really glad she said it, coz I deserved it. To me, it was recognition and appreciation for my efforts. When I first started on this newsletter which normally ranges from 32-36pages, she did the bulk of the stories, and I did the odd ones here and there. Over time, she gradually let me handle more of the stories. This issue, I scored a first - the first time I handled all of the stories...almost. Yah, she did a half page introduction. But still, I'm proud of myself. And boss said it too! Plus, "See, you can do it!" Heh...She knows how I generally don't have super a lot of confidence. I have actually already been handling other smaller projects without my boss in the picture, but this time, this being one of our major clients, it just feels different.

The client came to thank us too, for rushing the issue. She knew how little time we had; in fact, how insufficient time was actually. Rushing the article, rushing the artwork, rushing the printing. She kept gushing her appreciation, and even went beyond that. She actually told my boss how big a help I had been and how things were able to run smoothly. On top of that, she had to tell my boss to really appreciate us (staff). Wahahaha...

Not to mention that I was the one who sourced the image on the cover. Not that it was a big deal. But it is a big deal to me, coz it demonstrates how I'm closer to knowing them, knowing what they like/want. Remember I was saying Isabel did a couple of proposals which they were not entirely pleased with? coz Isabel just didn't have any idea what sort of image they wanted. We had a theme to follow. I was getting desperate, and I just went through our library, and eventually shortlisted two images, one of which they approved! And they like it...it wasn't that sort of 'choice out of no choice'. And boss actually commented that that image was so much better than the other choices we presented. I'm not letting this get to my head of coz, but I'm just jubilant coz it probably means I'm yet again closer to what they are thinking.

Ritz Carlton...the place is great (we all know that). The food is beyond fantastic, I tell you. I wish I had taken photos of the food. Nah, of coz I couldn't do that...coz I'm sitting with other clients and guests. They would probably think I'm out of my mind. Ha. But really, the food is beyond description. For one thing, we get served for every dish. I mean, normally only the VIP tables get to be served individually, while the other tables get the dish plonked on their table and they gotta serve themselves. This time, we got the VIP treatment and everyone was served individually. Sigh. And every dish - not to mention how delectable - is a classic. Take for instance, their Sharks' Fin soup. It tasted more like a potent mix of herbal soup (in a gd way). It's Ginseng Shark Fin, in fact. And what goes into the soup, I can't describe coz I've got no idea what they are. But I can guarantee, it's not some cheap stuff. For one thing, the Sharks' Fin is not the typical one. Instead of strips of Fins, the Sharks' Fins were in slices. There's also scallops in the soup, plus some other herbs and staff. Woah...great stuff, I tell you. Much as I don't eat such things. Let's see...there's fish, chicken...can't remember liao...but all great stuff, really. Oh, the dessert is strawberry pudding with diced fruits, all authentic. I mean, it's not some fake strawberry or what. Real Strawberry to make the pudding! Heavenly! Entertainment's great too! Entertaining, yet not cheapo stuff. Except for the horrendous singing of the emcee at the very beginning. And he even attempted to rap. I mean, the opening was such a bang, a real climax with pyrotechnics and all. Until his singing after that. Gosh...He's a not-bad host actually. I just wish he hadn't blemised the nite with his singing.

Everything was just great. For a while, I actually thought this was why I didn't managed to get on that plane to Europe. I actually thought this was worth my not getting on the plane to Europe...

For a long while actually. Until after the dinner. I...did something really silly...or stupid. Something which was a moment's folly. Something which I'm not sure if I regret...but I know I will eventually. Something I wish I didn't do it. Something I'm pretty sure the Mighty One would be grieved and angry with me about.

Why did I do it?

Looonng....overdue update

Yeah, I blogged about how pissed I was last nite when the long update which I was going to post just got lost when blogger decided to pull a fast one on me. Damn..I was so upset that I just shut everything down and went to bed. Peeved!

Well now that I've calmed down a wee bit, I shall attempt to replicate whatever I posted yesterday. Here goes...the watered down version though.

Ok, my sister will be flying to Europe early morning Friday, a trip which I was supposed to be on too. But coz of 1) work commitments 2) the last min withdrawal of my travelling companion (sis fren whom I also know), I had to bow out. I'm super sian and super frustrated now. I've got like, 9 days of leave which I HAVE to clear by the end of this year, aka, December, aka, next month. Can't bring these over to next year, coz these were brought over from last year. I could barely afford to go on leave this year. Besides, I was determined to fulfil a personal promise to myself - Going on, at least, one holiday trip every year. So I thot I would take a nice holiday and clear out these 9 days. Of coz, things didn't go as planned, and there goes my trip. That Phuket trip couple of months ago was not counted! It's such a short trip loh...Anyways, I dunno how I'm gonna clear 9 days in 1 month. 2 off days every week? I wish!

On a side note, I would have 28 days of leave come 2007...excluding these 9 days. :/

So initially, I was thinking of negotiating with boss to allow me to bring the 9 days over to Jan 07 at least, then I shall die die find someone to go on a trip with me. Of coz, going holiday is no problem. The headache lies in finding someone to go with me. Super sickening loh. I'm even contemplating signing up for a tour on my own.

Work is still heavy, but has certainly eased up quite a fair bit. We have survived that super crazy period of 2 months. Looking back, I'm rather amazed with myself. Ha...Job satisfaction! *big grin* Of coz, not mentioning the other things I've "gained" as well. It's ironical, but while I'm always tired/exhausted with the pile of seemingly endless work, I plunged into insomnia as well. These couple of weeks, I seem to be sleeping lesser and lesser. Take this week. Say, I go to bed about 1230, and I woke wee hours of the morning, about 5+, and I would have difficulty sleeping. And when I finally do, it's daylight. The next night, I would wake 3+...Last nite took the cake. I went to sleep about 1215 after chatting to my fren on the phone. Guess what time I woke? 2am. Sharp. -.-'' I was so tired, but I just couldn't sleep! I tossed and turned; 3am came and went. That same night, my bro's gf went to the hospital for some inflammation, and he talked to her on the phone for a couple of hours each stretch...and I listened to their conversation for a couple of hours each stretch. And when I did fall asleep, I knew I was sleeping. Sounds strange and ludicrous I know, but this simply means that I was sub-conscious, and therefore, I wasn't in deep sleep! My mind/body isn't resting! Arghhhh...I think I may have been too keyed up during the daytime...and that I have too many things on my mind. Keeping my fingers cross for tonite. The last thing I want is to wake at 1am.

Let's see...there's the migraines that simply gnawed at my brain...and there's the dizzy spells brought on by my low blood platelets (aka, low blood count). You know the kind of description ppl give? How you would stand up and the whole room seemingly spins about you? Yeah, that's what I experienced. And I would have to close my eyes, take a couple of rapid deep breaths, and balance myself. I have low blood pressure, but have to resort to medication this month to stabilise it. Too stressed up. Haha...

I've been covering many events this month. One of the busiest in fact...in terms of events, that is. So far it's been almost 3 events a week; and these last few weeks running up to Dec, it's been their D&D, so yap, I've been having good food lately *yum* Not that I get to really enjoy the food, since half the time I was up and about taking those precious shots or doing interviews with guests. Last nite I returned home from one, and it was while I was waiting for my hair to dry that I decided to blog an entry. Alas...*Hmpt!* silly Blogger. Anyways, tomorrow nite is another event. Another dinner. *faint*

Some good news. Or maybe not...oh well, depends on how you look at it. I have joined my Church's Communications Ministry, as a writer! Covering events, conducting interviews, writing for their newsletter/magazine. The Comms Ministry has many sub ministries; events, publicity, photography, studio and...forgot what liao. So editorial is one of the sub-ministries.

It was interesting how it happened, normal as it sounds. Couple of weeks ago, Isabel was telling us how she was going to freelance for her church (as a designer...she gets paid, I don't), and I remember feeling envious about how she was already serving in many different areas, plus contributing in other ways. And I wondered when I would be serving too...and where of coz. Initially, I did think about going to the children's ministry (mabbe)...teaching sunday school or somehting...hahaha...In fact, I did even think about helping to do some writing. But at the end of it, I decided I should perhaps 'grow' first and see how things turn out before making any decision.

As it would turn out, I went for Corporate HOP earlier this month, and was introduced to one of the lay ministry staff who runs the Comms Ministry. Upon finding out that I was doing journalism/writing as a profession, she passed me her namecard and attempted to recruit me as a perm staff...hahaha! Mind you, my boss has been in the church for so ultra long that she knows almost everyone. Haha...Anyways, I met Shuk Yee on Sunday, and out of nowhere, she asked if I would be keen to join their team of writers (not perm). I agreed and here I am, apprehensive as I may be. I mean, I would be writing a whole new realm of articles...*ponders* But I did think about the fact that it may help boost my experience/improve myself.

Anyways, I did wonder if I made too hasty a decision liao. I mean, much as my 'gift'/'talent'/whatever may lie in writing, to write for the church also may get a little too overwhelming. As if I don't get enuff to write at work! And how about more deadlines to meet? *heart palpitates faster* Oh well...not nice to say no now rite...not that I would back out now lah. so we'll see how things go =) I do want things to work out of coz...I dun mind writing really. Well...just see how everything leads to then.

Hmm...can't remember much else of the stuff I had blogged about last nite. Silly Blogger.

Downright Angry!

Ultra stupid blogger...I typed a nice long entry, and all that happened was, the server simply turned up an error message and goodbye to my post. Good loh...*fuming mad*

Reminisce...Yeah yeah, a sign that I'm getting old *roll eyes*

Been such a long while since I last posted something. Been a mad rush this Oct-Nov...and it aint over yet. The bonus this year had better be good man. Wahaha...*I mad liao*

Went for tuition just now, for a Sec 4 student. I teach him English, and he will be sitting for his English paper later today. Worry for him, coz English has never been his forte. Worse, he has a short attention span and short term memory. He's improved over the years, though a leopard never changes its spots. Oh well...I try my best and all I hope is he will try his best. I've been praying for him this couple of days, not just for the English paper of course. For the rest of his subjects too. Let's hope he gets some decent score for his O Levels.

Contrary to those who don't know and think it's good money, that's why I'm still giving tuition even though I've been out in the workforce for 2+ years...It isn't really the money. You see, I've been teaching this guy and his bro for some 5 yrs liao. Five yrs! That's to say, I've practically seen him grow up.

I began teaching his younger bro first. That kid was in Pri 2, sported super short spiky hair, was painfully shy and only stood up to my waist. Now, he's this super chatty fellow, taller than me by half a head, and in Sec 1. The elder boy - he was in Pri 5 when I taught him, and now he's in Sec 4 taking his O Levels (I teach them both English only). I saw their mom got pregnant with the third child, through those nine months, and gave birth to a daughter. I saw her grow from a wailing babe to a toddler to the adolescent that she is today. She's 4 or 5 this year, attending kindergarten...She's a smart kid and yaks away. Saw them change maids, was there when they talked about moving and now they will b moving at the end of the year into their new house. I even accompanied them on some of their house-scouting trips! Needless to say, I'm close to their family. Both parents has always treated me really well. They drive me home during week nights when I go for class! And going to their house to give tuition is like going feasting...they shower me with food and all, like a real guest. In reality, they treat me so much better. I first took on the assignment coz I wanted to earn some cash to supplement my uni expenses, but that explains why I want to go on teaching the 2 boys even though I don't need the money after graduation.

Hmm...Don't know why I started rambling on about them. I guess somehow, this being the last time I would teach the elder boy has somewhat made me a little nostalgic. Not that I won't be seeing them anymore or what; I guess I would still continue to teach the younger boy, but somehow it's just not the same., knowing that I will not be teaching the elder boy anymore. Sigh. Sniff.

Alrite, just a short note to remind myself of the things I want to blog about...when I have the time. Been such a long while since I updated the going-ons, much as I bore ppl out I guess. Ha...too bad! It's my blog! Hee...

- Hen's Nite

- Wedding (morning & nite happenings)

- MacRitchie (?)

p/s: actually, I've realised that making such notes doesn't really help. Sometimes I don't bother to blog about them anyway if the time lapsed too much in between. Oh well...

Ultra funny!

Amidst all the stress and craziness...this is something really funny. You know how universities always got the undergrads to do lecturer/tutor-surveys at the end of the semester? Yeah, this "originated" from there...just that the lecturer decided to put it up for his students to see...I did have humourous lecturers back in uni, but man...I wish I had lecturers like this one! Do watch it!

Grey-er still

It warmed me a great deal when he is willing to make that promise to me. Even though I told him I can't commit as much to him as he can to me; even though I was still nursing some wounds. He said all it mattered to him was that I was happy, that so long as I don't dislike him, he wants me to give him a chance. I never thought I was capable of making someone want to take care of me. He is just so ever-giving, so compromising to me. Honestly, I was blown over, so overwhelmed, so touched.

I thought things would be blissful and happiness would follow. All of us deserve happiness, don't we. But what happens when we become the cause of someone else's misery...that we are why they cannot be happy.

I am seriously afraid of doing just that. In fact, I feel that I already am doing that. And it really is not fair to him. Much as he said it was ok with him; at first I thought I could live with that, and eventually I will try, I will learn to do my part over time. But now, I find that I can't live with myself that way. He is just so nice and accomodating to me. And that made me feel worse. Apart from feeling real bad, I really feel as if I'm living a lie. Which I am actually.

It's really not fair to him; and I'm not happy. The better he treats me, the worse I feel, seriously. And it has made me afraid to see him. Because I don't want him to be nice to me. I don't want him to have the opportunity to be nice to me. Drama rite...literally like soap opera. I don't want it this way..but why is it that I just can't have a proper life like anyone else? Why do I have to go thru all these tumultous hills and valleys...When I don't have love, I yearn and crave for it. When I do, I turn it away. Sorry God, but...dammit...why is my life so messed up?

Grey & Rainy

For days and weeks, I've been wanting to know the answer, but have always been afraid to ask, for fear of a negative answer.

Tonite was the last session of Disciple's Prayer Life (DPL), and the Pastor dropped by to pray for each of us. She said something that touched me...not that I didn't know about it beforehand, but just somehow, the meaning of it struck me more this time.

She said the fear of God, and not fear of man or anything else, should take precedence in our lives, in all that we do. And this feeling of comfort just came thru me, taking away the jitters and butterflies in my stomach.

So somehow, I mustered my courage to ask the questions that have been plaguing me, that I've been wanting to know the answer.

But when I finally heard the answer...well, it wasn't exactly answers that I want to hear. Of all those questions that I've been asking, each time I got a positive answer, the answer that I want, and I felt like I was floating on cloud 9. But not this time. Before I sent the sms out, I actually searched within myself...how would I feel/react if I didn't get the answer I want..Of coz, reality hasn't hit..and I felt that I can handle it. No big deal, I can handle it. That was how I reassured myself.

Truth is, you can never get used to pain. You can never get used to hurt. And when it hits, wave after wave, you just stagger back further and further, unable to stop tumbling. Flail ur hands as you may, nothing helps. You just keep falling, until the waves die..and that's when you pick yourself up. It doesn't mean you stop hurting..at the kindest, it probably means just simply means u are back to where u had begun initially. And of course, the other school of thought is that your hurt has maximised, and your wound is at the most painful. And even if you have picked yourself up, it doesn't mean u have learnt to let go or learnt your lesson and ready to move back on...it probably just signifies that you have stopped falling, and have stood up, trying to decide "what next?"

I'm probably still at the tumbling over stage. I dunno when I will pick myself up...I dunno when I will come to the juncture where I can ask myself that question. But I know I'm still a long way off.

It's kinda "amusing"...it's like the book by one of my favourite authors, Mitch Albom - Tuesdays with Morrie...each time I ask questions, it's always on Mondays. That kinda hurts...

Photos of a little girl

Had a good productive day in office today...Had lotsa to do, more work piled on, but good thing was, there was the adrenaline rush. I dealt with whatever I needed to, cleared some of the more urgent stuff out of the way. Of coz, there were still stacks on my table needing attention, but well...work is never finished yeah? In all, it was good enuff. I'm pleased =) I wish everyday could be like that =/

Was home earlier than usual tonite...turned on my computer and suddenly had an urge to do some photoshopping. =) And some old photos of when I was young captured my eyes. I had scanned these in eons ago, thinking that "one fine day" I shall post them up for all to see. Well, FINALLY that day is here =)

Here goes:

I made it into a photo collage sort. Alot of effort required ok...haha...Basically, I had to crop each and every photo, then had to place them so that they don't get blocked or something. Though of coz, the final art isn't that fantastic...but well, effort counts ok...=)

So, cute anot?

Hee...

My mom told me I looked abit caucasian then, and some aunties actually teased my mom about who the 'real' dad is. *roll eyes* Hahaha...Of coz, they were teasing, really.

Well as you probably can see, my chubby cheeks are still there...my trademark ever since I was born, actually. To date too. But as a result of stroking and pinching by itchy hands of loud-mouthed ah sohs since young (and friends in sec sch or jc too), I always had the fear that my cheeks are getting heavy and sagging *gasp* How not to worry, you tell me? Hmpt...

Anyway, the other little girl in some of the pictures is actually my cousin, who's two years younger than I am. We have been playmates since young, all the way till we were in secondary sch in fact. She's an only daughter, so my aunt made arrangements for my mom to look after her so that she would have a playmate (me). We practically did everything together...I stayed over at her place, I shared her clothes, I slept in her princess-y bedroom, played with her toys, got stuff toys too, showered together even...everything, really. But of coz, we drifted apart after we went secondary school. We had our own work to bother with, to take care of. And school just got busier. We caught up once in a while...which got gradually lesser and lesser. Now's just reduced to gatherings when I do see her, together with my other cousins. She has just graduated from uni. Even her area of study is very close to mine - Mass Comm. Think she specialised in journalism too. Heh...We made a pact to look for a job together in one of the mainstream media orgns at the end of the year/next yr (pull strings). We'll see how it goes...coz that would mean leaving my present office...which I'm still not prepared to. At least I don't see myself doing that yet. Sighz...Life's choices. =/

Anyways...think I've digressed too much. Haha...So far these are some of the old photos that I managed to dig from some old albums. I think there are more photos lying around some where in the house. Just have got to dig harder and deeper. Haha...

Wedding dress

Been such a long time since I last blogged something. Many a time I've actually wanted to do an entry, but just dunno where to start. Too many things I want to vent about. Not all bad stuff of coz, but well...the good aren't exactly gd also. Argh...Anyways, I shall just attempt to put down whatever that comes to mind. If it turns out boring...well, too bad for me loh. U gotta bear with my ramblings then *grin*

I went shopping with my second sister last Saturday. There is a legitimate excuse ok...not just random shopping (of coz, the word "excuse" says something else, I know). I have to get a dress for one of my best fren's (Chuan) wedding, which will take place end Oct. I have exactly a mth to get all the necessary stuff ready. I, of coz, with the rest of the clique, Fen, Hui, Yuan (I'm assuming her too) and Net (though she's a mommy now) will be her "sisters". And she has asked Fen and myself to be her emcees! *jitters* I know I know...normally emcees are a guy and a girl. But who cares...Chuan doesn't mind. ANyways, she said her hubby's (Thomas) side don't really have guys who can be emcees, so...

We haven't even got down to planning the speech, much lest talk about a run-through. Which does worry me a little. I've never been an emcee before, and much as Chuan has confidence in me, I'm not so sure myself. I can already visualise myself clutching the prepared speech...hahaha

ANyways, I went to 'IS', tried on like, 8 dresses...just couldn't find a piece to fit me...=( Sigh...I don't have those super slim figures loh, what to do. Then my sister suggested that we move on to Suntec Daniel Yam (DY), which may have a better fit of dresses, though mabbe more costly. I was desperate enuff to try anything by now...the fear of not getting the dress is really there.

So by the time we reached DY, I immediately headed for all the white dresses (we have a "dress code"). The sales lady (not those young ones..shes prob middle age) is really gd, as in, she has good service. Anyway, to cut the long story short, I tried on another 8 dresses or so..and finally found one that's not too bad. At least according to my sister...although I was still apprehensive about how I look in that dress. Anyways...I may have to send it for alteration to remove a certain pattern. The sales lady told me to leave it alone, because it's nice, but I'm inclined to listen to my sister, and remove it just for the peace of mind. You see, it's a "bubble" dress..meaning the bottom is whats popular now..the bubble sort look. My sister actually said it doesn't look that bad. But thing is, I always had the impression it makes one look bigger than normal. So yeah, that's the dilemma now. =) And yes, I've got to find accessories to go with the dress...the right accessories. Drop earrings, choker perhaps...and yes, the right heels to match. Gosh...less than a mth away...Anyways...tink I shall stop here. No mood to continue for now liao. Work has zapped aaway most of my energy during the day liao.

都是你

谁，改变了我的世界
没有方向，没有日夜
我看着天，这一刻在想你
是否会对我一样思念

你，曾说我们有一个梦
等到那天我们来实现
我望着天，在心中默默念
下一秒，你出现在眼前

想念的心，装满的都是你
我的钢琴，弹奏的都是你
我的日记，写满的都是你的名
才发现有另一个黎明

这是我，对爱的累积

~ heh :D

The Language of Lurvvvve!

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		10
Quality Time:		9
Words of Affirmation:		5
Receiving Gifts:		4
Acts of Service:		2

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Hmm...Not bad...quite close, but not quite there still. Coz I would say "physical touch" and "words of affirmation" go together, don't you think? No?

But I think what this expert said under "information" makes a whole lot of sense. I do agree with what he said.

To me, physical touch, words of affirmation and spending good quality time together are what ticks for me. Swweeet!

Why?

Life really makes fun of people.

They say the "what ifs" are designed to make you learn to appreciate what you have, and those around you. Or that we are supposed to learn our lesson, not to "repeat" the same mistake the second time round...or third or fourth time.

But it's easier said than done. How many of us don't know the must-dos or what to avoid? Point is, how many of us do it? The really clear-headed, maybe. And even then, there must be the times when they fumble and fall, don't they? Man is not infallible.

So explain to me...why don't I meet him first before her? She is better for him? The endless possibilities have been racing through my mind ever since he said those words. I just pretended not to know what he was driving at. I was afraid. I don't want to do the wrong thing. And I'm trying my best to rein my emotions in...but I'm worried about when I would succumb. Please no. I don't want to lose the friendship in case anything goes wrong. I know he doesn't want things to end up wrong too.

So I guess we shall continue to goof and act nonchalent...unless the circumstance begs to differ.

No, things are NOT alright.

Excerpt from the Phuket Trip...Part 1

It's a week since I've came back from my Phuket trip. Haven't really got round to posting any new entries or whatever. Actually I almost did...just that our dear blogger decided to "error" my post and everything magically got deleted -_-'' Oh well...what can I do then

Anyways, Phuket was nice, though the weather was unpredictable. It could be heavy showers one moment, and the sun would be out the next. The way I see, Phuket (or issit Thailand) has plenty of two things - imitation goods and transvestites. And boy, are their trans pretty! Well I guess most of us would know that already anyway.

We followed an ititnery, but didn't kill ourselves over following it. Was generally R&R. Thankfully the rain didn't affect us that much. Except that we couldn't do much tanning -_- Yeah, whoever has heard of coming back from Phuket but still fair? Doesn't matter. We walked around alot, free and easy style indeed. Explored the place, did massages too. I love their massages! Especially the traditional one. They bend and flip u like some acrobatic stunts, and sometimes the "cracking" of your tensed/tired bones sends some jolts up your body but woah...I tell you, the aftermath is fantastic! You'll feel so relax and "rested", your body is "loosed". Seriously renewed. I think the local (spore) ones aren't as good though. Really cheap and good. Oh, and I braided my hair on the last day, while we had some time to kill before going to the airport to catch our flight. Haha..something different. The peeps at the office got a huge "surprise"...they never thought I would do something so different. Haha...

I just love travelling. The sights you see, the senses you experience...and of coz, it's just rest and relax everyday. And the longer I can go away, the happier I would be. I still have another nine days to clear by the end of this year...residue leave from last year. But these are already reserved for my end-Nov trip to Europe. I seriously have to start saving now. I can't imagine...no shopping for the coming months (except stuff for the trip)! *shudder* Though of coz, I wonder if there will be another short trip in between. Hee....

I haven't really had time to tidy the pictures as yet, so pooh, no pics yet...except for this one:

He got me this plush elephant at one of the places where we went to watch a performance. It's cute coz it's smallish and just lovable...We both agreed that minus its trunk, it could actually double up as a mouse; and we loosely translated to be it to be “像老鼠的大象” ..."Mousey Elephant" - And that, is its name. Hee =D It now shares my bed with me every nite, together with my beloved duckie, which is so far, one of the longest plush that I have carried to bed without fail everynite (unless when I'm not at home).

Have got lotsa to clear at the office since my return. Waaaay behind my deadlines now...means I'm dead meat already. Been real busy with covering events while coping with deadlines. Going to hit the sack now and see if I can go early into office tomr.

Phuket Here I Come!

Ok, finally the time is here! I'm finally going for the long-awaited for holiday!

Alrite, maybe that was an over-reaction. I'm only going away for four days, to Phuket. But I'm excited about going primarily is because it's been more than a year since I last went abroad for holiday (Msia not counted). The last trip was to AUstralia last year.

I certainly have many plans in store this year end. But of coz, whether it will materialise or not remains to be seen. The mission trip (hmm...still thinking); company trip (doubtful); the America/Europe trip with sis (50-50)...oh well, no point ruminating over all these now. I shall just concentrate on what's ahead. *grin*

The company I have on this trip is different too. Hopefully all goes well. Will update once I get back, which will b Monday night. Can foresee the Tuesday blues at work already. SIgh.

Talking about work...Our new designer came in today. She's Sophia, a really sweet and nice girl. I have good vibes about her, and I think all of us may click and gel even better than before.

Ok, more about her next time. For now, I have to either get to bed or continue my packing, which is not even half done. Flight is tomoro afternoon. Help!

Poor Lappy...poor me

Sigh...my poor laptop died on me *sob*

I dunno what happened also...one moment it was alive and kicking. I even blogged on it on Friday night. On Saturday night, after I got home, I tried to turn on my computer, only to realise to my horror, something's terribly wrong. An error message came on, saying that some system file is missing/corrupted. And I just can't log into my operating system. That's it.

Just great huh...it's only a year and a half old! And I didn't download or install anything these days! My student said that the virus must have been manifesting in my laptop for awhile already. Really?!

Can't believe it. I called HP's helpline after I came into office on Monday, but coz I didn't have the lappy with me, the guy on the other end couldn't guide me through. Sigh. So much for helplines. By the way, their operating hotlines are shorter than mine - 830 to 530 pm, Mons to Fris. -.-'' I mean, you must have customers who are working, and if you are goign to operate at this kind of hours, how are you gonna help anyone this way? They would have knocked off even before I did! Oh well...

Looks like I may just have to take a day's leave to do this..call them n if it doesn't work, bring down to the repair centre. Thankfully I spend the majority of my time at work..it's just that on weekends, I would be rather lost...then again, mabbe it's not so bad afterall. I mean, I would either be out, or that it would force me to take a break. Ha...we'll know this weekend.

Some reflections - happiness and fears

I'm supposed to be asleep by now, coz I've got to cover an event early tomoro morning...two actually, one after another...so I've got to rush like mad. But just feel that I have to blog this, before I forget or the feeling changes again.

As some would know by now, I've been going out with someone. Not that I'm in an official relationship as yet...just dating, occasionally going out that sort. But we spend really alot of time on the phone. He calls me at certain times of the day everyday, and we just chat. And we chat just about anything under the sun, from lame and crappy stuff to more serious stuff. It's just a matter of being able to click, and I guess it's nice that we do share the same frequency...for now at least. He's not the super intellectual sort (that would be what we call normal), and I do enjoy the times when I "know" more than him, bcoz otherwise he knows alot more than I do (He's older and been through more).

He makes me laugh alot (and that matters alot to me), he's nice and sweet and cares in his own ways. By that, I mean there are still times when he can be abit "duh". But generally he's good enuff (can be better...Heee). It's the little things that people bothers to note/do, that I think matters. I mean, it's nice to get nice, big presents...but I don't need expensive stuff all the time. You would make me feel like I'm after your money, in fact, which I certainly am not. He buys little things that I like for me (eg. candy...I love candy, btw). He's not the medieval type of gentleman (I think that would freak me out too), but he has his gentlemanly ways - from everyday stuff like opening the doors for me, to shielding me when it gets too crowded, or holding my hand when we cross a busy road.

I still remember the other day, when he got kinda upset that it was late and I wasn't home yet. Before that, I hadn't told him where I would be (I went to watch a movie with some friends, a last min arrangement). I hadn't got word to him (I actually forgot...hee) and he tried calling couple of times and smsing me when I was in the cinema. When I finally did call him bck, he sounded kind of peeved. And when I still didn't come clean with him about where I was, he sounded as though he was ready to ignore me (in anger). I was frightened, yes...but kinda happy too. =)

All these everyday, little things adds up to a nice comfy picture. I do like him, yes (not love)...he has the ability to make me forget myself, and open myself to him...He can really make me laugh (even over the fone); he makes me happy; he gives me a sense of security, protected and cared for (not totally, but can't expect THAT much at this point)...I look forward to talking to him everyday...I look forward to those calls. I look forward to those days when we are going to meet (generally only twice a week coz I'm busy and he's a gd son...nvm what I mean by that); I enjoy those times when we plan what to do/where to go the nx time. And I like it too when he sings to me even.

....But there are times when I asked myself when all these will end. I dunno why, but somehow, I'm much more pessimistic and wary of people than I used to be. I used to be pessimistic, but I know how to look to the bright side and comfort myself still. And I certainly wasn't wary of people. I embraced everyone I met (new or old friends) as someone I can hit off and talked to. Now...I'm just wondering if that person has some ulterior motives.

Perhaps it's just what I've seen happened to other people around me. Perhaps it's just what I've gone through myself too...Some bad experiences, some not-so-nice happenings. I've realised that I'm beginning to thnk the worse of people, sometimes on the first instance. I dun like myself this way, and I certianly didn't used to be like that.

Even now, I do ask myself still if he has any ulterior motives. Or will things sour after a couple of weeks more? And to make matters worse, it just doesn't stop there...I've also "discovered" that recently I tire of things and people easily. Horrors of all horrors...this is something I've realised lately, and yes, of coz I hate myself this way. Coz I'm afraid that before I know it, I will wake up one day and discovered that to my ire, I've tire of him, tire of everything to do with him. It's not just a matter of not wanting things to end (Of coz I don't want all these to end), but on a larger picture, it points to a bigger problem on my end - why am I behaving like that?

Well, mabbe I'm just thinking too much. Mabbe I'm complicating matters. Mabbe I shouldn't trouble myself with these unnec questions. Let things run their own course, for better or for worse. Let's just hope that the day will never come that I say, "I think I'm tired of the way things are".

Hmmm....

I've always been not really happy about the way things were in office...especially about how "Lao Lao" always like to laud over us, and bully the ones she can into doing things for her. I'm not the kind who will complain or say no, so normally I get walked, stepped and trampled over. Isa is rebellious in her own ways sometimes (and I do admire her for her guts sometimes), which causes Lao Lao to be unhappy, then she throws her tantrum. -.-''

Same thing happened in office just now, when Lao Lao asked me to search something for her. Isa was waiting for me to go off together actually; so when she asked me, I said hang on. Upon hearing that, Lao Lao told me she will do the search herself. Anyways, to cut the long story short, Isa left first, and I stayed for another hour to clear some more stuff. By the time I was going to leave, I asked Lao Lao again if she has found what she wanted. She said no, and that she had emailed the relevant people to see if they have the soft copy, otherwise she would type it out then. At this point, I offered to do the typing for her then, and not have to wait and all. She said "no need" in a kind manner, and said that I have my own things to rush. I told her it's ok, I don't mind typing stuff coz I do quite enjoy it too (it's true), but she declined. At this point, I felt a little bad. The point is, somehow I felt a little ashamed of myself. I mean, there are times when I really don't mind helping ppl do things...just that sometimes these ppl (eg. Lao Lao) take ppl and things for granted, and that's what riles me. But actually, all these while, I guess I don't really mind doing such stuff, so why am I complaining?

Okok, I know what I'm complaining...I know what I'm upset about. Thing is, if I really don't mind helping, then mabbe I should let go of such negative feelings...then mabbe I would feel better. It's kinda like, owe me if u want, but I shdn't owe ppl. It's hard being the nice/good guy sometimes, coz that's the reality of the world we live in today. I guess the balance is hard to find. We normally end up being veered more to a certain side. Can't help it I guess.

ANyways, my point is, I shall try to be nice and not complain so much =D

More pics

too late...too tired...so just more pictures for your viewing pleasure =)

These were taken on one of our usual outings. We just thought of going somewhere to chill after work, and Charis suggested to go Indo-Chine (Wisma), where there is an outdoor band. The band is rather good, in fact.

I know I am thick-skinned...but I do think some of these photos I take are good, aren't they? hahaha...Of coz, I don't deny my dig cam is not too bad too (7 mega pixel...WAS the highest when I bought it...I know now there's 8 already), for a comercial cam (of coz, those pics taken of me are obviously not taken by me). Esp in the first collage, where some of the candid shots are really nice...captures the real emotions and reactions of those involved. Some of the facial expressions are for real, ie. not "act" one ok...

Minor Rantings...for the moment

And yes, CLTG is finally over! The past 2 weeks have been really crap; worked my butt off every nite and burnt my weekends...but I guess in a way I do enjoy doing all these kaypoh things oso...*rolls eyes*

The big BUT is that, the worst is yet to come...CLTG is just the beginning...*shudders* As it is, everyone from all unthinkable corners have become my "creditors"...these days I go into office feeling nothing but dread and fear...coupled with stress and frustration. Yes, potential chemical reaction to something defined in English as tears. Yeah you know what's coming. Not that I want to of coz, if I can help it.

Would love to blog more, but I'm not yet recovered from my fatigue, so I shall just leave pictures here for all to enjoy...Not that you may enjoy of course..but at least for those who visit (though I know it isn't alot), there would be something for ya to see...rather the same un-updated blog...lest you think I won't be blogging or something...thanks to those who kept visiting to check for new updates even though there were none *hehe* That's why I'm leaving nice pictures of my chio frens for ya to see mah!

These pictures were taken when the office gang went to DBL O after the Friday CLTG show.

Children's Letters to God

Children's Letters to God

Laugh!

Here's that funny image...Why didn't anyone thought of this huh? "ingenious"...*grin*

Update

It's been quite awhile since I last blogged...the anticipation must have been arduous for some *Heee* Yah I know, me thick-skinned. Been really busy and all stressed up...but it's gonna get worse in a couple of weeks' time, and will certainly culminate for the next couple of months at least. *shudder*

Been running around the past few weeks...meet clients, cover events, covering for Boss & Eve since they are tied with CLTG. Yep, CLTG will kick-off this coming week, and will run for the next 2 weeks. I helped them with the schedule, only to realise that we are short-handed still...so I had to fill myself in for more shows, together with some other whom I know wouldn't mind doing so. =) Tickets still are available, so if you are keen, just let me know!

THis week has been fruitful, even though hectic. Hmm...things are rather great. I went to meet a client on Tues, and made some new frens (rather surprisingly); following the editorial meeting on THurs, I made even better frens with some of the ppl; and following the big event which I've covered yesterday, I made new frens as well as made firmer frens *grin* THis feeling is great! (despite the pressure of work I'm buried under)

Yep, talking about the major event which I covered yesterday, it was a real tiring one. Since morning, I was at the "birds dun land there, turtles dun lay eggs there" venue - Tanah Merah Country Club; for a golf tournament. True, it was an eye-opener; in fact coming to think of it, it was the first golf tourney I had covered since I joined the company. Previously I didn't have to go coz they either had their photographer present, or that someone else went. This year, neither happened, so I took up the "challenge"...which gave me a sleepless nite the previous nite before. You see, the client spoke to me about the types of shots she needed, especially since the next issure's cover page will be dependent on what I have taken (photos). I was worried I wouldn't be able to capture a decent photo enuff to be used. For one thing, she wanted a group shot (of the VIPs), plus shots of their individual tee-offs...and here comes the big BUT - (1) I must not stand in front of them (obviously), since there's the danger of the golf ball hitting me. Means I can only stand diagonally and away from them. (2) I must not take any shots when they swing their golf clubs for the tee-off, coz I will distract them and make them lose their concentration. -.-'' So I'm like, "ok, all I can shoot is their backsides, when they are ready in position to tee, but not swing yet." Perfect shot huh.

Thankfully...things didn't turn out that way. I rushed to the tee off spot first in a buggy, and tried to visualise where would b the best spot for the best spot. And while I was testing my shots, who would come up behind me, but the GOH, who's a minister by the way. He made a light joke, which certainly helped ease my tension. And following that, everything just fell into place. I mustered my nerve to ask them to pose for me while I try to capture the right shot before the actual tee off (my smart idea). What better way to get them to even swing their clubs for me rite? Heee...

I quickly "siam" back to office to try and clear some work before I rushed out for the ensuing dinner that same nite. It was nearly 3 in the afternoon when I reached office and by 5, I rushed out again. Isa was supposed to come with me, but due to some last minute work that was handed down by Empress Dowager #2, I was concerned that she wouldn't be able to finish the work, so I got her to stay.

And so it was, back to tanah merah country club for the dinner! Nice place yes, as with all country clubs. I was totally "wacked" by the time the event ended. Exhausted, but fun. =)

Went drinking with a fren on Sat, and now I'm paying the consequences. No hangovers, but the rashes came as expected. Itching like crazy and scratching myself like a monkey ever since..coz of the damn rashes -.-'' Good thing is, the ugly rashes are hidden within the body...bad thing of coz, is that I can't "openly" scratched myself. The only other place which I've just discovered (to my utmost horror) are both my arms and fists (Imagine the hilarious sight of my left and right hands taking turns to scratch each other...Yes it's that bad). Not only do they itch, they r covered with ugly rashes, ugly red spots and welts...omg!

SO, the smart me thought of a probable solution - running! and getting whatever remaining alcohol in my system out when I perspire. Not sure if that really works actually *sheepish* Just some grand idea I thought would work. Well, everythng is worth a try yeah? Haha..

I had stopped my weekend-stadium runs a couple of months ago (got bored with it somehow), but of coz, I still go for gym runs and thurs runs wf frens. But after the run today, I must say that I got reminded of what I missed most from running long distance. The wind against me, sort of like metaphorically blowing my frustrations and thoughts off too. And the profuse perspiration that comes during and after the run - it's one of the best feeling in the world! Not to mention the fact that running alleviates (though not remove) my stress levels. And yes, the natural blush and rosy cheeks & glow after the run...Yeah, so go run too if you can afford the time. I know how some say u have to make time for exercise. But well, sometimes it just isn't possible.

Oh yes, and the new student whom I've accepted (yah the really terok one)..after the class on Sat, he seemed to have shown some minor improvement. Which I'm really glad already, coz he really should be a goner already. Imagine not knowing the difference between "is" and "was"; or when to use singular and plural. And worse stuff, trust me. It's past mid-year, but I had to go back to basics and start teaching him from scratch. Well, not sure if his "improvement" is temp or for real...We'll see...I must admit I do entertain thoughts of calling it quits with him. I don't need the money, though it's helpful (he stays just 5min away, so that saves me transport costs). I hate being a quitter, especially when it comes to teaching my students. I hope this won't break my resolve. *cross fingers*

Alrite, time to get back to doing whatever rubbish that needs my attention. Wanted to leave a hilarious image here which was forwarded by a fren, but somehow blogger seemed to be expriencing problems...Grrrr!

Cartoons!

Don't you just miss all these cartoons? Road-Runner, Tom & Jerry...all those really "duh" but innocent cartoons. A real far cry from the violent cartoons you have these days.

Let it load...Enjoy!

Surprise!

Ok, so it's another day nearer to the day dedicated to me =D Heee....

Nice memories to have in time to come...was one of the best celebrations I had in recent years. Seriously. It's sad how as we grow older, most of us either get fewer celebrations or lesser presents. Hmpt...I may no longer be some young tweeny, but I still enjoy getting presents. And I don't just mean birthdays..Christmas..Or even exchanging nice stuff during Friendship Days, Easters...stuff like that. In fact, I'm sure I'm not the only one who enjoys getting surprises and presents, right?

It was a nice little surprise when they "tricked" me into Cindy's room and got Cindy to distract me, to keep me in while they get prepared. Then the lights went out, and for a split second I was stunned...but I soon recovered. Afterall, this "trick" birthed from me...Hehe...No matter...I still enjoyed it. Of coz, they were in cahoots, then they carried the nice choc cake in...A yummy one at that. Sweet, mousse-y, with choc flake...Superlicious!

That was after a sumptuous lunch at the Korean restaurant, which cost a bomb man. Anyways, really, I wasn't expecting a cake. It's still a nice surprise. Well, I was telling them that psychologically, I felt "unbalanced"...coz I was sure they had forgotten about my bdae. Normally I was the one to remember their birthdays and to get the rest to brainstorm on the present and stuff like that.

We gathered people for dinner and had another round of pigging, and we adjorned for one of our most fav get-together activity -- KTV! Four solid hours, and seriously, we could hv gone on...Haha...And it's a fact that we've got many singing queens amongst us. K lah, so long as all of us had fun, which I think is most important.

Yeah, tomoro is Sat...boring Sat. Going for boring tuition...then boring Sunday. And soon, the weekend will zoom by and it will be birthday no more. Sigh. Back to full gear on Monday again. Just helped Mr T with his essay. And I'm darn sleepy now too...Oh well...to bed now *yawnz*

Such is life...a basic review

I look back where I was a year ago, and I look at where I am now.

I've made new friends, made firmer friends of the old, dropped the useless (though they seemed to keep coming back to haunt me)...and tried looking for more.

Last year this time, I was barely out of a rut hole, a deterimental relationship...trying to cope with myself and learning to stand on my own after having someone to lean on for so long. Of coz, time and again I've said that getting out of this relationship was the best thing ever I've done for myself so far (and I still stand by what I said), it certainly was no walk in the park. The heartaches continued to come; the harsh, the mental "abuse"...all best forgotten. So don't ask anything.

Last year this time, I had just completed a year on the job; learnt plentiful of things. The learning process wasn't easy; there were the cheers when things went smoothly, there were the glum faces when something crumbles. But I learnt something from every one. Right now, I've gained skills, I've gained knowledge. But of coz, I've picked up undesirable habits and what-have-yous.

Last year this time, my life was a little messed-up. Seemingly direction-less, not sure where to head. Not that I now know where to head, but at least things seemed like they will fall into place soon enuff. Generally, I'm happier now; so yes, that's a good sign too *pat on the back*. I learn how to appreciate people more, how to watch my mean tongue, how to be grateful for the things I have, for my family, my friends, etc.

Of coz, some things never did change -.-''. I'm still as poor, for one. Donations, any kind souls?

Oh yes, last year this time....I was on holiday overseas! *sob*

Yeah, so why am I doing a "review" of last year vs this year? No it's not the end of year as yet. Oh well...when it's the end of one and the coming of a new one, people tend to look back to recall what they were doing then and now. Yah yah, it's not Dec nor Jan yet. I mean the end of a year, the end of an age I would not be coming back to...and the entering of a new one. *Blah* Yah, we'r approaching a unique day now...*anticipation*

*****

7 July - a date holding my fav number. And there's a story behind it...my story.

Frustrating...Upsetting

Life's busy and all...as usual. When I can't really find the time to blog, it would take some other reason to make me find the time to do it. Like when I feel strongly about something, or when I just have the sudden urge...like now.

Dunno why...felt a little down today. Could be stress, could be exhaustion due to work (facing so many darn deadlines now)...But somehow there's this innate feeling that kept nagging at me. Perhaps I've missed my QT once too often...Perhaps things just aren't going well for me. Past few weeks have been rather crap. The tension in office was not just mounting, it sort of even threatened to explode any moment. THankfully, nothing happen...as yet. Not just me, everyone else felt it too. Black ugly faces prevalent everywhere. And I'm the sort who gets really affected by people's moods and emotions.

Today was slightly better...though slightly only. Boss did a work (& pay =D) review with me today. Basically we went through the things that she wants me to take on while managing the usual. Good that it's a sign that I'm still useful around (ha!...I know that sounds cynical). Of coz there were things I knew I needed to bring to the next level. Thankfully, she didn't mention anything about my chronic (un)punctuality problem. Hee...ok lah, I aint that bad lah...just not on time =) But hey, I put in long hrs at work...I practically work like a dog with no rest, so she has no reason to complain!

Of coz, the part about having complaints also came up. And of coz, I didn't mention anything...how could I? -.-'' Of coz there was the pay review part..hehe..there was an increment and a small interim bonus...not fantastic (not really up to my expectations...but well *shrug*), but better than none. Isabel had her review the day before. Yeah, that means I only got my pay cheque today...sigh

Should have been happy, or at least light-hearted. But no. Somehow, after a friend told me about her problem with her bf (a make-or-break situation), I couldn't concentrate on my work anymore. I can't pinpoint on what the problem was for me, but as a result of that confiding, I began to feel down, even bawl my eyes out or something...What's wrong with me?!

It's not like I'm close to both of them (as a couple) or am so in touch with their relationship. Of coz I'm close to that fren, and I know the ups and downs she went through sometimes with her bf. But somehow the worry just gushed out when she told me the deadlock she's in now. They really are a compatible couple...maybe it's coz I dun wish to see them break up. Maybe it's the tears I see welling up in her eyes after she confided in me. My heart just goes out to her. I wish I could do something.

It's really frustrating when one seemed unable to make peace with oneself. The times when we try to unearth the problem and yet not getting any answers...feel like killing myself sometimes.

I keep telling people that I need a break, that I need to take leave and stay home or something. And I think perhaps this is a sign alredy. But I just haven't got down to it. Maybe it really is time to do just that. But I know myself...I need a real break! I just want to go away; get away from all these hustle & bustle. A wild idea just came to my mind...Since no one could make it this time (with me), I should be daring and go myself huh? Time to really spend time with myself...good book in hand or something *ponders* But I know I'm too scardy for that -.-'' Arghhhhh! I hate myself so.

Passion of the Game...Not just the players!

This, the world cup season, has almost everyone enthralled and glued to their couches in front of the TV, catching the action on the field. Then there's the group that we don't normally think of. No, I don't mean the staunch fans in the stands...

Watch this video and you will understand. The passion they have....is really something!

Tip: Let the video load first before you watch the clip...there's better enjoyment that way =D

Ramblings

Just realised that for this month, I think it's one of the least times that I've blogged. Too busy I guess..lazy too I think..So many things happening but somehow nothing's been taken down..Resulting in a loss of those events due to my short term memory -.-''

It's the wee hours of the nite, and it's raining now. A moderate drizzle coupled with a nice breeze. I smell the rain and it's heavenly. Very refreshing, tinged with a scent of the morning grass. I guess I'm in one of "those" moods now. I have an urge to switch off the lights in my room and turn on my table lamp. But I guess that's silly...it would be too dark for me to notice any insect or creature crawling through the window. It would be too dark for me to see that mini windmill at my window turn. Oh well...

I wish I could go out there and take some shots too. But it's so dark outside, I bet there's nothing my non-professional dig cam can capture.

I've opened my window real widely just so that I can let the breeze in, smell the rain/breeze and most importantly, see my windmill turn. You see, I totally abhor and detest (ok I freak out) at insects in my room..especially those potent ones (aka, lizards/roaches). So I rarely open my room's window coz I always have the inkling these are waiting to creep in. Has happened couple of times before. And I totally cannot risk them coming into my room and creating a hideout and making a nest amongst my stuff. The rare times I do open the window is times like now..when there's the rain I love. So that I could look out and let my windmill get that much-needed exercise =D

Ok, enuff rambling about nonsense...Heee. I met up with Fen just now and wanted to persuade her to sign up and attend a course with myself and Hui...But alas. I guess I've 1) over-rated myself 2) too green to handle her 3) disappointed myself totally. I'm rather despondent now...='(

Today was rather eventful...In the sense that I had many invitations to hang out and do stuff...but I ended up spending the nite thru wf Fen. Charis, Shirlyn etc had steamboat dinner at Bugis; Amy did movies wf her fren...but timing was all wrong. I ended up not meeting anyone but hanging out wf Fen only.

Next week looks promising too (social wise, not work). Already have some tentative plans line-uped. Confirmed or not, we'll see again nx week.

Ok, I'm just yaddling for nothing. Ok, this is irritating...I was trying to put up a pic of my windmill...and nothing showed up after I've apparently uploaded it! *frustrated* I give up...damn!

My Dad!

It's Father's Day today...so how did you spend this day? Or did you not even know it was Father's Day? =P

Well, I thought I would want to dedicate this entry to my dad. I've realised that I've only mentioned my parents in passing every now and then. Probably can expound a little more on him. Not that you would care of coz. Well, I just want to talk about him, can? *grin*

Was even contemplating putting his pics up, but I thought the better of it. Heh...As of this moment, I don't think I'm ready to "expose" my family...not my parents at least. Myself, my nieces - yes...case-by-case basis for the rest. Anyways, I've digressed.

My dad is a really kind person...Super-duper kind, I may even add. Especially towards my mom. I've never met any man/father like him, who gives in sooooo much to my mom. Well, needless to say, my mom has him wrapped around her little finger. Ha...not in the bad way. In the sense that my dad just doesn't see the point of upsetting her and gives her her way, nearly everytime. Certainly not me. And there are times that I just can't stand my mom "bullying" my dad. Of coz, there were times when she went overboard. Her nagging and all...And yet, my dad typically just "in a ear, out the other". Hehe.

Whatever my mom wants, wherever she wants to go, whatever she wants to do...anything at all, my dad will go all out of his way to get/do it for her. Seriously. Driving her to different shopping centres just so that she can get whatever she wants, doing shopping with her (I don't mean marketing; shopping as in shopping for clothes), working longer hours just so that she can rest more if she were tired...so many instances. And yes, he does shopping for general groceries for the family too. From bread for breakfast, to the topping up of soft drinks in the fridge, snacks in the cabinet, fruits, coffee, tea, rice...anything at all. And guys, he has no qualms buying female essentials (aka, sanitary pads) when the "general stocks" reduce. No complaints, nothing. He is a real mild-mannered and calm person, that he rarely blows his top. Really rarely.

My dad is also super duper hardworking. He doesn't have to work now, since all of us are working and we do live comfortably. But still, he "piah" so hard that sometimes, I'm ashamed of myself. Seriously. In a nutshell, his work schedule everyday (and I do mean Monday to Sunday) is: Wakes up at 4 in the morning, by 5, he is out of the house to go over to the workplace. My uncle (mom's brother) has entrusted him with one of the many shopfaces that he owns, so basically he has to ensure things run smoothly, from the staff to the accounts. He doesn't have to, but he takes it upon himself to see that everything is without hitches. He is there all the way till about 3.30 in the afternoon, when the afternoon people, including my mom, comes over at about 2pm (sort of like a shift). He goes home to catch a rest, and naps from about 4 to 5.30, when he wakes up again to get dinner, and yeah, he's back to the workplace by 6pm for the evening peak hour. There, he will stay till he does the closing at about 1030. Then he reaches home at 11. By the time he showers and watches some tv and all, it's already midnite when he goes to bed. Gosh...I don't think anyone works that hard these days now, rite?

I do feel heart pain for him and his punishing schedule, but when we implore him to rest more, sleep longer or things like that, he will decline. Partly coz he isn't comfortable with leaving things to the hands of others, and also, he finds it boring after a while if he "rests too long". Sometimes my mom can be so insensitive, that she doesn't realise how tired he can get. That's when we come in and remind her...though sometimes to no avail. Sigh.

Of coz, I'm not saying he's a saint. He does have his flaws too. For one, he spends alot on buying lottery. Haha...I guess that, to him, is one of his few forms of relaxation. In his own words, he describes himself as a "professional". Indeed he is. For one, he spends so much money on lottery, that when weird combinations of a certain number comes up, he strikes too. And apart from a fix set of numbers that he always bet on, he also places bets on any numbers that ignite a sense of inspiration in him, in an instance. Haha...Good thing is, he knows his limit. Then again, I rather he not bet or anything. Oh well...

He doesn't stinge on money. He is such a generous soul that he has no problem footing the bill or buying stuff for people. Sure, who doesn't like money, but he never allow money to come between people, or to cause rifts. And in fact, it's not just money. Material things too. I guess his mindset is one of what we describe: Can't lose what you never had. AKA; you come into this world with nothing, and you will leave with nothing too. Sensible. Everyone knows that, but not many appreciates what it truly means and practices that.

I used to think that I got my sweet tooth from my mom. Now I know I have been wrong. Daddy dearest loves to eat sweet stuff too. He likes soft drinks, cakes & stuff...& loves ice-cream (cornetto). My family's three-tier fridge has no lack of foodstuff, especially cornettos. My dad "replenishes" cornettos by the boxes, in different flavours too! Haha...On an average of seven nights a week, he has a cornetto about five to six days, really. That day, he even told me how he has found a great deal for cornettos. Currently the Esso station where he pumps petrol at is having a cheap sale for cornettos; far cheaper than what he got for at Shop&Save or any other supermarkets. I didn't even know that...Heee. Oh but me my my bro were just discussing about how his tummy is showing more evidently now. My dad is a little man (I'm short, and for a guy, he is too); and because of the immense effort and energy that he exerts, he doesn't have an ounce of fat on him. Ok, perhaps that was a little too exaggerated. But he really is thin. =)

He enjoys watching soccer, and for someone who spends most of his time working, he knows the players from various teams. From Premier League to the World Cup. Needless to say, he's having a while of a time now, which I'm partly glad yet worried about. He gets to watch some top-notch show of dribbling footwork, but that would mean he's sacrifcing his sleep time. There!

I especially enjoy his dry humour. Which sometimes give way to cold humour too. Haha...For instance, he would turn off the volume of the TV with a world cup match showing, and make up imaginary conversation based on the expressions and mouthing of the players/coaches/referee. *heh* He especially enjoys "disturbing" my mom, who doesn't have a clue at all. At times, his face doesn't change when he jokes and twists the facts. And my mom would be totally taken in. Nothing harmful of coz. My mom once remarked that she enjoys seeing my dad make us laugh. Big hearty laughter. =D

From chauffer to family grocery-man, to family handyman, my dad is everything and anything. There's nothing too difficult or too out-of-the-way for him. He does small paint jobs around the house when the toilet pipes' paint peeled; he fixed the hose when it came loose; he climbed up to the ceiling fan to clean the plates; he climbed up to change the bulb for the lights around the house when they fused; he sacrifices his rest time to wash the walls around the house during our once-a-year spring cleaning (just coz my mom is a cleanliness freak...wahaha)...so many instances that I can never possibly finish. Yah, makes me wonder why my bro isn't even half of him. -.-''

I think I got my lazy genes from my mom, and I attribute my sometimes lack-of-logic from her genes too *hehe* I'm not putting my mom down; she has her flaws, but she has her good points too, definitely. But that's another story. But I think I did get good genes from my dad. He's wise, street-smart, with no lack of logical & common sense (I do need that at times =P). Thankfully I inherit the necessary good stuff. Hahaha...

Now, experts say that when we marry, we tend to choose our partners like our parents inherently (girls choose someone like their dad and sons choose someone like their mom). If that were the case....good luck to my bro. Wahaha! Seriously, I certainly wouldn't mind my husband to be just like my dad in terms of personality, character, etc. THat would be good news! Keeping my fingers cross then. =)

I'm glad to have my father. When we were young, ours was the typically chinese family, albeit traditional. The father was supposedly the imposing figure, no expression or laughter. A faraway figure of authority and disciplinarian. As we grew older, it was more and more detached from that stereotype.

I must add that actually, even as we were young, my dad may have been "faraway" from us (emotionally); but he was never the disciplinarian. My mom was the one (and a terribly strict, fierce, imposing, over-protective one, who was constantly afraid that we would mix with wrong company and grow up all wrong). But we did find my dad a little unapproachable. We rarely saw him coz he came home late from work almost everyday and even then, we didn't really talk to him too. It was only after we were all grown up (me, the youngest, being in JC or Uni alredy), that we drew closer as a family. I'm certainly glad for that. =)

If I had to describe my dad using an anecdote or situation or whatever, it would have to be his unselfish love.

I read this before, and I think I posted this up sometime ago too.

A child was asked to describe what love is, and this was what he came up with (can't remember totally, but the gist of it):

"Love is when my grandfather massages my grandmother when her arms and legs hurts, even though he has rheumatism in his hands."

This anecdote is so apt, it seemed to be created just for my dad...Well almost. You see, my mom's legs hurts every now and then coz she's flat-footed and cannot stand for long. Coupled with mild rheumatism, she needs someone to massage medication on her legs for her (she finds it hard to bend). My dad does it for her, just the way she wants it, without complaints. And he does his best, not just to get-it-over-and-done-with sort. He even puts on socks for my mom after that to ensure that the medication stays on and is best effected. My dad doesn't hurt in the arms/hands, but the thing is, his legs has an ailment too. He had an operation couple of years ago to remove some sort of growth (not sure what...stones or something) at his knee. He recovered from that, but now his calf is suffering. Calves actually (both legs). He's the kind who would rarely voice his pain/suffering, so my guess is, most of the time, he just kept quiet. When we asked, he would assure us that he's recovering.

Of coz, all of us are really worried that he may be over-exhausting himself...unnecessarily too. Just a couple of weeks ago, he told my second sis that he was experiencing pain in his chest, over where the heart is. Because he's already on medication for high blood pressure, we had a fright and told him to go to the doc. True enuff, doc said he needed to rest more.

It sure feels weird that now that we are all grown up, our parents become old and it would be a case of reverse roles. We would be the ones takin care of them as they age and we pull in the dough now. My dad is in his fifties now, but it's still kinda hard for me to imagine him old and white-haired..feeble and weak. Especially when he used to rescue me from cockroaches and lizards and whatever unwelcome "guests" at home. Hopefully I would have found a new knight to rescue me from such pests by the time my dad isn't as flexible or fast. My gallant dad once swopped up a cockroach with his bare hands, and went on to pluck off its head using the other hand. Gross I know, but that's what made me love my dad more. And yes, I don't have sympathy for that roach *grin*

Ok, this has been a long report on my dad, but seriously, this short entry is only a summary. Took me quite awhile to complete this, when I'm supposed to have either slept early or finish my work. I've done neither. And now I'm drowsy. Hopefully I can wake on time tomoro for work. Tons of crap to return to -.-''